(no subject)
yeah i haven't written in here for a while and i really don't know what to wright but oh well lets seee whats on my mind. really i bored and i want someone to just be with all the time i really do. i want a girl. whats horrible about that is i know i can't have one. it sucks. i don't even have a reason. maybe i just someone to care about me more then i would ever know. i mean everything seems to be great if you where to look in from the outside but if you where in my head you would only see yourself as being alone. its not bad self esteem its just wanting someone to call and tell me to come over and just ask for advice or just want to be with me. god that sounds so stupid. its like i'm asking for someone to be there for me and know it seems like it is. i mean i had a show with my band last weekend and i wanted some of my friends to come or people i thought where my friends and i asked nicely and i wanted them to come to my first show with this band if would've of meant alot to me and most of the people i asked didn't show up. some just told me straight to my face they didn't care about going. i don't understand why am i just not attractive to my friends. why do they not want to be with me or just care. what do i do wrong. i'm thinking about deleteing this because its just stupid to sit here and ask for someone to care about me. wait no its not i can't believe i'm letting my self think that. god dam i can't believe that i let stupid people let me think bad about myself. thats not going to happen and if a sertain someone reads this then you should know who the fuck you are and realize that i do care and i have friends and i all i think of our friendship or so-called friendship is a disappointment. thats all it is. i will not let you affect me to think that i shouldn't want people to care about me or even that i need you in my life. i have people who care for me even if they don't tell me as much as i would want them too but thats fine b/c i tell them enough that i love them or that i just appreicate them for being my friend or just being there for me. maybe just for reading this. god that makes me pissed that i let someone get to me that much my life is good and it will remain that way. i will never stop trying.
my life is based on a martyr
my life is based on a martyr