Hello again.
Okay, so, I continually disappoint on the updating front. I would apologize; but, the truth is I do not really give two shits about updating. At least, that's usually the case. So, instead, I'm just going to say that I suck at it and move onward. This is going to be a post; but, a rather meandering one. Bear with me.
My sister has been having a hard pregnancy, a lot of things not going as they should . . . doctors and family are very concerned about both her and the baby. While pregnant with both Anna and Brian, there were complications. But nothing of this magnitude. She would have delivered 6 months premature if doctors hadn't found some way to encourage her body to calm the fuck down and subsequently sentencing her to near-complete bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. Not cool.
Not on the same exact topic; but, still family . . . My dad lost his job a while ago. He's been trying to find something; but, the truth is, it's rough for drivers right now. Gas is expensive and there are too many out of work drivers vying for what few positions that are available. My dad hasn't found anything. As a result, he is slipping into a depression. I've seen it before. Luckily, he still seems to be finding things to occupy his time; but, I am concerned about how long this will last. Eventually, he will reach a point where he will stop trying to keep busy and will just close in on himself and the computer. It isn't good times at all when he does that. It always made me feel horrible and I never knew what to do to help.
As a result of my dad not having work, my mom is freaking out about making ends meet on her salary. Working for non-profit agencies might be good for the soul; but, it sure isn't good for the bank account. I'm sure she is over-stressing herself, she usually does; but, it always adversely effects her health. She has never had a great immune system and when she gets full-on sick, it is never a matter of just bed-rest and fluids . . . it always ratchets up the complication chart to something which demands she receives medical treatment. Which costs money she won't see how they can afford to give, which ratchets up her stress level further, and the cycle perpetuates itself from there.
I give what help I can; but, due to my own work situation . . . that isn't as much as I'd like. Which brings me to my next topic . . .
Work is pissing me off, a lot. It's really the same as always . . . never enough time to get it all done and too much to get done in the first place. The lack of full-time has always chapped my ass regarding this job; but, it has really been getting to me a great deal more over the past few months. In terms of money/benefits as well as simply having enough actual work-time to get stuff done instead of doing 25-35 hours a week outside of work to maintain the Young Adult services. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for the world . . . but, I just with certain things about it were a bit different.
Of the things that I wish were different that have been weighing a bit heavier on my mind is the matter of benefits. Insurance, to be specific. You see, while my epilepsy hasn't really gotten worse in terms of gan mals, the frequency of petit mals has increased. Not enough to really get in the way of my life, most of the time, though it unnerves people close to me, on in particular. I have been thinking and it occurs to me that perhaps the increase in petit mals has to do with something. I have been reconsidering my stance on medicine and treatment for a while now (I guess getting older is taking a bit of fight out of me), due to various advances in the field. The increase in petit mals makes me grudgingly admit that I should probably see a neurologist. However; all of this is moot unless I can AFFORD to see the neurologist, buy medicine, and whatever else that might come along. Without insurance, that is not possible in any way, shape, or form. Which brings me to my next topic . . .
It has been suggested to me that I look into the possibility of disability benefits, for insurance, if nothing else. The arguement posed to me goes thusly:
1. Epilepsy prevents me from going to work at least 2-3 times a month and it has a noticable impact on my work even on good days.
2. I can not feasibly take work that is more than a couple miles from home because I am currently unable to drive (it is illegal for one with epilepsy to drive in the state of Nebraska unless the seizures are "controlled" and one has not had a seizure for three consecutive months) and am unlikely to do so due to the prohibitive costs of insuring an epileptic driver (not to mention the completely impossible price of just OWNING a car; but, that really has nothing to do with this conversation)
3. This disorder will NEVER go away, I am stuck with it, and it will impact my ability to work and function for the rest of my life.
That said, I really don't think I would qualify on those merits alone. Even if I did, I would feel bad for taking benefits when someone profoundly more needing of them could make much more use of that assistance. I mean, yeah, it DOES impact my ability to work: I have multiple seizures at work and at home that have interfered with or rendered me completely unable to work each month; but, I still manage to work. Also, the more I look into it, the more I think it would be completely impossible for me to be approved for benefits. Apparently, when considering eligibility for benefits, the SSA applies the same basic approach to epilepsy as they do asthma. Seems a bit odd to me; but, hey, maybe I've never seen truly debilitating asthma. There are certain criteria that must be met to even have a bare minimum of a chance of being approved:
1. More than one gran mal per month (check).
2. Documentation of the frequency of seizures by a duly licensed medical professional (nope) or, at the very least, a diary of seizures (I could do this, I guess. Though, from what I've read, it doesn't really help much.) going back at least 3 months.
3. The seizures MUST occur despite full compliance with prescribed medicines. (nope)
As you can see, two of those criteria are IMPOSSIBLE for me to meet for the very same reasons I would consider applying for disability benefits: I HAVE NO FUCKING INSURANCE! I can't afford to see a doctor and there is NO fucking way I can afford to take over 300 dollars worth medication a month!
So, I'm back where I began. Epilepsy fucking with me = difficult to get a job with benefits = no benefits from job = No medical treatment = no way I can get insurance from SSA to make up for lack of benefits from job = more epilepsy fucking with me. It is kinda funny when you think about it. :)
Its come to my attention recently that I've really kinda been a dick to someone who means a great deal to me. I don't want to go into too thorough detail here; but, suffice to say I could really have been a better friend/person/lover/whatever to this wonderful person. Unfortunately, all I can really say is I'm sorry and that I am trying to rectify my horrible douchebaggery and I hope you have the heart in you to forgive me. Though, I understand if that last bit is asking a bit much.
Things aren't all bad, though. Having fun in wow, reading good books (Seriously, fucking check out Graceling, by Kristin Cashore! I wouldn't watch the little trailer they have for it at the bottom of the page though . . . fun; but, goofy), been working out, and playing a decent amount of Rock Band. Oh yeah! I'm also kinda seeing someone, too! :)
she's super cool. Her name is Natalie and she's a total geek, hilarious, smart as hell, pretty ridiculously cute, and we have a BUNCH of stuff in common. I really love spending time with her and always want more when she leaves. I find myself laughing and smiling more than I have in a LONG while, which is great, and is amplified to ludicrous proportions when she's around. Sex is undeniably great and she seems to have very similar taste in food as I do. Not quite sure why I paired sex and food together; but, oh well. Of course, there's a catch. Well, catches, I guess . . . isn't there always? I'd really rather not go into the catch; however, because I really do enjoy spending time with this great lady and I would greatly like to spend more good time with her. Failing that, I'd rather the time I DO spend with her continue to be good times, unclouded by what may come in the near future.
But, I'd be lying if I said those catches don't matter to me. I would also be lying if I said those catches aren't on my mind a good deal of the time. I would also be lying if I said my moods were not affected by those catches. But, hey life is never perfect and neither are the situations we create with other people. Right?
Okay, that's my post. I will likely do another quasi-post later with a list (and links) for songs I wish were in Rock Band. I've been meaning to do that for a while now.
Thanks for reading, if you did, and love you all.
/hugs
My sister has been having a hard pregnancy, a lot of things not going as they should . . . doctors and family are very concerned about both her and the baby. While pregnant with both Anna and Brian, there were complications. But nothing of this magnitude. She would have delivered 6 months premature if doctors hadn't found some way to encourage her body to calm the fuck down and subsequently sentencing her to near-complete bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. Not cool.
Not on the same exact topic; but, still family . . . My dad lost his job a while ago. He's been trying to find something; but, the truth is, it's rough for drivers right now. Gas is expensive and there are too many out of work drivers vying for what few positions that are available. My dad hasn't found anything. As a result, he is slipping into a depression. I've seen it before. Luckily, he still seems to be finding things to occupy his time; but, I am concerned about how long this will last. Eventually, he will reach a point where he will stop trying to keep busy and will just close in on himself and the computer. It isn't good times at all when he does that. It always made me feel horrible and I never knew what to do to help.
As a result of my dad not having work, my mom is freaking out about making ends meet on her salary. Working for non-profit agencies might be good for the soul; but, it sure isn't good for the bank account. I'm sure she is over-stressing herself, she usually does; but, it always adversely effects her health. She has never had a great immune system and when she gets full-on sick, it is never a matter of just bed-rest and fluids . . . it always ratchets up the complication chart to something which demands she receives medical treatment. Which costs money she won't see how they can afford to give, which ratchets up her stress level further, and the cycle perpetuates itself from there.
I give what help I can; but, due to my own work situation . . . that isn't as much as I'd like. Which brings me to my next topic . . .
Work is pissing me off, a lot. It's really the same as always . . . never enough time to get it all done and too much to get done in the first place. The lack of full-time has always chapped my ass regarding this job; but, it has really been getting to me a great deal more over the past few months. In terms of money/benefits as well as simply having enough actual work-time to get stuff done instead of doing 25-35 hours a week outside of work to maintain the Young Adult services. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for the world . . . but, I just with certain things about it were a bit different.
Of the things that I wish were different that have been weighing a bit heavier on my mind is the matter of benefits. Insurance, to be specific. You see, while my epilepsy hasn't really gotten worse in terms of gan mals, the frequency of petit mals has increased. Not enough to really get in the way of my life, most of the time, though it unnerves people close to me, on in particular. I have been thinking and it occurs to me that perhaps the increase in petit mals has to do with something. I have been reconsidering my stance on medicine and treatment for a while now (I guess getting older is taking a bit of fight out of me), due to various advances in the field. The increase in petit mals makes me grudgingly admit that I should probably see a neurologist. However; all of this is moot unless I can AFFORD to see the neurologist, buy medicine, and whatever else that might come along. Without insurance, that is not possible in any way, shape, or form. Which brings me to my next topic . . .
It has been suggested to me that I look into the possibility of disability benefits, for insurance, if nothing else. The arguement posed to me goes thusly:
1. Epilepsy prevents me from going to work at least 2-3 times a month and it has a noticable impact on my work even on good days.
2. I can not feasibly take work that is more than a couple miles from home because I am currently unable to drive (it is illegal for one with epilepsy to drive in the state of Nebraska unless the seizures are "controlled" and one has not had a seizure for three consecutive months) and am unlikely to do so due to the prohibitive costs of insuring an epileptic driver (not to mention the completely impossible price of just OWNING a car; but, that really has nothing to do with this conversation)
3. This disorder will NEVER go away, I am stuck with it, and it will impact my ability to work and function for the rest of my life.
That said, I really don't think I would qualify on those merits alone. Even if I did, I would feel bad for taking benefits when someone profoundly more needing of them could make much more use of that assistance. I mean, yeah, it DOES impact my ability to work: I have multiple seizures at work and at home that have interfered with or rendered me completely unable to work each month; but, I still manage to work. Also, the more I look into it, the more I think it would be completely impossible for me to be approved for benefits. Apparently, when considering eligibility for benefits, the SSA applies the same basic approach to epilepsy as they do asthma. Seems a bit odd to me; but, hey, maybe I've never seen truly debilitating asthma. There are certain criteria that must be met to even have a bare minimum of a chance of being approved:
1. More than one gran mal per month (check).
2. Documentation of the frequency of seizures by a duly licensed medical professional (nope) or, at the very least, a diary of seizures (I could do this, I guess. Though, from what I've read, it doesn't really help much.) going back at least 3 months.
3. The seizures MUST occur despite full compliance with prescribed medicines. (nope)
As you can see, two of those criteria are IMPOSSIBLE for me to meet for the very same reasons I would consider applying for disability benefits: I HAVE NO FUCKING INSURANCE! I can't afford to see a doctor and there is NO fucking way I can afford to take over 300 dollars worth medication a month!
So, I'm back where I began. Epilepsy fucking with me = difficult to get a job with benefits = no benefits from job = No medical treatment = no way I can get insurance from SSA to make up for lack of benefits from job = more epilepsy fucking with me. It is kinda funny when you think about it. :)
Its come to my attention recently that I've really kinda been a dick to someone who means a great deal to me. I don't want to go into too thorough detail here; but, suffice to say I could really have been a better friend/person/lover/whatever to this wonderful person. Unfortunately, all I can really say is I'm sorry and that I am trying to rectify my horrible douchebaggery and I hope you have the heart in you to forgive me. Though, I understand if that last bit is asking a bit much.
Things aren't all bad, though. Having fun in wow, reading good books (Seriously, fucking check out Graceling, by Kristin Cashore! I wouldn't watch the little trailer they have for it at the bottom of the page though . . . fun; but, goofy), been working out, and playing a decent amount of Rock Band. Oh yeah! I'm also kinda seeing someone, too! :)
she's super cool. Her name is Natalie and she's a total geek, hilarious, smart as hell, pretty ridiculously cute, and we have a BUNCH of stuff in common. I really love spending time with her and always want more when she leaves. I find myself laughing and smiling more than I have in a LONG while, which is great, and is amplified to ludicrous proportions when she's around. Sex is undeniably great and she seems to have very similar taste in food as I do. Not quite sure why I paired sex and food together; but, oh well. Of course, there's a catch. Well, catches, I guess . . . isn't there always? I'd really rather not go into the catch; however, because I really do enjoy spending time with this great lady and I would greatly like to spend more good time with her. Failing that, I'd rather the time I DO spend with her continue to be good times, unclouded by what may come in the near future.
But, I'd be lying if I said those catches don't matter to me. I would also be lying if I said those catches aren't on my mind a good deal of the time. I would also be lying if I said my moods were not affected by those catches. But, hey life is never perfect and neither are the situations we create with other people. Right?
Okay, that's my post. I will likely do another quasi-post later with a list (and links) for songs I wish were in Rock Band. I've been meaning to do that for a while now.
Thanks for reading, if you did, and love you all.
/hugs