?

[robearal]

Does it really get better, or did we just get hardened and inured to it?

The OVERT bullying stops after high-school, but we always face some sort of discrimination. That's one reason I didn't come out until I was 27.

Comments

Are you asking the question or is this rhetoric?

[caestus]

It sucks living in a largely homophobic society. I sucks when the tenets of pervasive media and religiosity are largely the ones that maintain homophobia. Every time I encounter a different circle of people--through work, school, friends, social functions--the onus is always on me to clarify the assumptions of others; what a fucking chore. Because sexuality is considered to be merely performative--i.e. it only exits in actions--there is the notion that we can pass, we can choose not to be gay or not to be. In some ways that added bonus of prejudice--literally we are prejudged to be heteronormative until we out ourselves--is a greater yoke of our oppression. We have to evaluate our choices and decide whether or not it is safe at this juncture to out ourselves. What possible consequences are there for correcting the assumptions of others? Will it impact upon us negatively? Will we lose X? Are we risking Y?

It has gotten better. Even in my short life. But it there is no progressive teleology that dictates that it must, or that it will continue or that even the gains captured will remain. All it would take would be for a large shift to conservative hegemony and fags and sexual deviants would be top of the to kill list. Human rights and human autonomy only exist as long as we will them to.

And all of that said: as white, North American males, we are thick with privilege. It is so much worse for people of colour, women, the disabled. It has gotten better, but we must make sure it continues to get better for everyone.

Re: Are you asking the question or is this rhetoric?

[robearal]

The question was not entirely rhetorical, no. And you eloquently touched on a few of the topics that made me ask.

Yes, it is better than it was 34 years ago when I was in high school. But in some ways, it's gotten a little worse than when I came out 20 years ago. And the pendulum seems to be swinging back to the dark ages.

I just wonder if all the "It Gets Better" videos are filling gay youth with an overly-rosey picture of life as a gay adult.

Perhaps I am too cynical

[caestus]

During my undergrad a friend challenged the assumption of oppression. I disagreed with her then and I do now: queerfolk are disadvantaged and victimized systemically and individually, but not as much as they, as we were.

However, there are all sorts of fallout. I was discussing today that one of the results of large successes of GBLTs is the polarized notion that there is only gay or straight. The old joke that you could build huge famous bridges all over the world but you suck one cock, they don't call you a bridge-builder. Now, action becomes identity. And since sexuality is far more complex a creature than our rhetoric supports, guys who were curious can have a bad trip and run back to Jesus and proclaim their self-loathing is indicative of their being "cured" makes everyone more oppressed.

I completely agree with your concluding statement. It was something I echoed when IT GETS BETTER first began. There is no teleological happy gay hand moving us forward to a garish rainbowy queertopia. Older gays who have had to live through the eras that were not better, have not to a man weathered their trials well. Living in a poisonous environment taints you--are we really sending gay youth into this milieu and saying that we are a good happy family.