(no subject)
I would like to say that I am happy right now. But its just not the truth.
Im kinda happy but i feel like somethings missing in my life. I am always missing someone or something, theres always a void in my life.
I would like to say that I am over everything that happened a year ago, but im still not. And as much as I pretend I am def not okay with happened between me kristyn and leslie. I try to make them see like such horrible people to make me feel better to make it okay, but kristyn is not and leslie can be but i still enjoyed her company and friendship.
Being in Salisbury was a stupid mistake. I love living by myself and having freedom and that aspect, but Jen Aj and Preston are the only people I know here. Jen and Aj are stuck together and its just lame to hang out with them cuz I end up by myself anyway and Preston is eh okay most of the time but hes got a boyfriend too and not gonna lie it still creeps me out a bit. I dont want it to but it does. I wish I was at home with Jess and Anna and Denise and Jon I think i would have/could have met so many people if I had stayed home this summer. Thats really what i need I need to get out, I want to get out. I may not be the most outgoing person, actually im not even close but i still really enjoy being around people. And right now i live in a 4 bedroom apartment by myself and it fuckin is boring as shit. Im so excited for Kim to move in Saturday, I really hope i like her.
And after yesterday going out with Jen and Aj and Emy and Charlie. I felt so left out, like a re re and alone. I want what they have. Seeing them so happy. I am so happy for them but so jealous at the same time. Being with guys for a night is lame. Im kinda scared of always having someone to answer to and im afraid that ill become too attached or to stuck up someones ass but at the same time I want someone thats gonna be there no matter what so one to make me feel truly special.
I miss having a life, I had one of those in high school and freshman year and it just went down hill to the point now where I have no life. Im just a lonely loser. Yeah i have friends but they are spread out across maryland and the east coast. So that doesnt really do me any good. I ve pretty much decided that if this semester if i dont meet people and still have no life Emy and I are getting a place and moving to the Baltimore area and well both be going to Towson or UMBC. I really dont want to transfer. But it may happen.
On a better note tomorrow my vacation starts! I get to go see Isabelle, Jack and Sydney! I talked to them on the phone tonight because they were being bad, i told them if they didnt behave I wasnt coming...hopefully it worked. Im so excited. The Saturday Kim moves in. And Drew and Will move in downstairs, which should be amazing, im thinking that alone may bring my partying and social life back. After I help everyone move in Im going back to OC to spend a couple days with Jess! I cant wait. Should, as always be a blast! And I was just informed that I am going home friday for Anna's birthday *xxhypergrl552xx: smokin, drinking, naked!!! < is the plan. Haha :-)
OKay so i just read that Christina, My LOVER will not be returning to Salisbury this year and I am very upset and angry. not at her obviously because she cannot afford it! that sucks a whole lot. aw man as much as im upset shes gotta be flippin out. Phone call time.
Im kinda happy but i feel like somethings missing in my life. I am always missing someone or something, theres always a void in my life.
I would like to say that I am over everything that happened a year ago, but im still not. And as much as I pretend I am def not okay with happened between me kristyn and leslie. I try to make them see like such horrible people to make me feel better to make it okay, but kristyn is not and leslie can be but i still enjoyed her company and friendship.
Being in Salisbury was a stupid mistake. I love living by myself and having freedom and that aspect, but Jen Aj and Preston are the only people I know here. Jen and Aj are stuck together and its just lame to hang out with them cuz I end up by myself anyway and Preston is eh okay most of the time but hes got a boyfriend too and not gonna lie it still creeps me out a bit. I dont want it to but it does. I wish I was at home with Jess and Anna and Denise and Jon I think i would have/could have met so many people if I had stayed home this summer. Thats really what i need I need to get out, I want to get out. I may not be the most outgoing person, actually im not even close but i still really enjoy being around people. And right now i live in a 4 bedroom apartment by myself and it fuckin is boring as shit. Im so excited for Kim to move in Saturday, I really hope i like her.
And after yesterday going out with Jen and Aj and Emy and Charlie. I felt so left out, like a re re and alone. I want what they have. Seeing them so happy. I am so happy for them but so jealous at the same time. Being with guys for a night is lame. Im kinda scared of always having someone to answer to and im afraid that ill become too attached or to stuck up someones ass but at the same time I want someone thats gonna be there no matter what so one to make me feel truly special.
I miss having a life, I had one of those in high school and freshman year and it just went down hill to the point now where I have no life. Im just a lonely loser. Yeah i have friends but they are spread out across maryland and the east coast. So that doesnt really do me any good. I ve pretty much decided that if this semester if i dont meet people and still have no life Emy and I are getting a place and moving to the Baltimore area and well both be going to Towson or UMBC. I really dont want to transfer. But it may happen.
On a better note tomorrow my vacation starts! I get to go see Isabelle, Jack and Sydney! I talked to them on the phone tonight because they were being bad, i told them if they didnt behave I wasnt coming...hopefully it worked. Im so excited. The Saturday Kim moves in. And Drew and Will move in downstairs, which should be amazing, im thinking that alone may bring my partying and social life back. After I help everyone move in Im going back to OC to spend a couple days with Jess! I cant wait. Should, as always be a blast! And I was just informed that I am going home friday for Anna's birthday *xxhypergrl552xx: smokin, drinking, naked!!! < is the plan. Haha :-)
OKay so i just read that Christina, My LOVER will not be returning to Salisbury this year and I am very upset and angry. not at her obviously because she cannot afford it! that sucks a whole lot. aw man as much as im upset shes gotta be flippin out. Phone call time.