i dont even want to go to school anymore, fuck it, i was better off being a trash collector, my interactions were kept to a minimum. i am going to get soooo sloshed this weekend
Robert, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be this way. I shouldn't have told you anything. I should have just left it at not talking to her at all. I'm going to talk to you and your sister on Friday. Ashton called me and told me that your sis talked, well, told her that she heard that ashton said all this stuff like you were ugly and stalkerish. and she was pissed (your sis), obviously though. but, still, ashton never said you were ugly or anything like that, and in general, she was saying that stuff about how she doesn't like people staring at her. and i told her you were a nice guy but just shy. I just don't want this little argument to make us all stop being friends. anyhow, again, robert, i'm sorry for everything. it was my fault for telling you. so please don't let this stop us from being friends.
i wasnt there when my sister said this to her, i was told about it later and it is my understanding, at least what sandra says that ashton told her, is that all she said was that you kept bothering her about this and that she wanted me to tell her that i liked her, this is definately inconsistent with what you led me to believe. i am very confused by all this, i dont know whos story is screwed up but someone isnt explaining shit like it is. what i do know is this, the most important things in my life are academic, they involve my speeches coming up in oral communication, my participation in phi theta kappa activities, and weight training. these are the most important things to me. a social life, at least at this time, is secondary. so all of this high school drama queen bullshit, whoever is purpetrating it, needs too AND WILL cease. if ashton has some problem with me, thats fine, it is her problem and she can just stay the fuck away from me then, if she doesnt have a problem with me thats fine also, in the larger picture this
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i also should point out that my posts from yesterday, which was tuesday, were written by me while i was in a completely different state of mind. i was enraged, and this is due to poor communication, and it is a good part my own fault, but people that know me from richmond, know how i get when im really upset about something, whereas people in missouri are probably just scratching their heads. i was nearly suicidal about this shit last night, andrew you of all people know the feeling, i couldnt sleep, i was becoming almost delusional, all like "oh my god, this is what people really think about me, how can i go on? i cant trust anyone." you know? i was freaking the fuck out. i didnt have a rational thought in my head last night. but today, things changed, i spoke to a counselor at school, and i didnt dwell on this immediate issue, i talked in general terms about my problems and my social phobias, and it really got a lot off my chest and helped me to rationalize better. Ryan, i dont know if i ever told you this but i have been
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Robert I feel really bad. I didn't know all that stuff you told me. I did talk to Ashton earlier today (after she called the first time) and she felt bad. She said she wasn't trying to give you mixed signals or anything. She thought you were a pretty cool guy, but now she's sort of scared to talk to you cause of Sandra. I told you the truth, you, Erik and Brian. All three of you were down there when I told you what she said, and that's all I said about it. So, I honestly don't know where Sandra heard that you were called ugly and that I had a crush on you. Don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy who is very smart (and not many apply themselves at college) who is also nice, but you're a friend and I'm glad to have met ya. I just want things to be straightened out and back to normal, but, first, we have to talk (in person).
hey buddy, don't let one person who barely has any clue of what you're even like or who you even are ruin your entire life. it's bullshit, man--your friends know who you are and we wouldn't ever want you to change. seriously man, there is a rob deicide-sized hole in my life and has been ever since you moved. you're one of the most quality people i've ever known. do NOT let this person hurt you like this. you don't deserve it and their impressions of you are way fucking wrong anyway. i think i would know a little better than they would.
take care. feel free to call me (804-303-9057) or email or whatever if you need to talk. i'm always here.
yeah man, i need to fucking call you, i need to talk to some richmond people, just for a little change. all this shit is a simple lack of communication, its like, in my oral communication class we were just talking about this stuff and then it gets put into practice. but today i see things clearer than yesterday, this shit will pass. im thinking about the next few semesters and am getting ready to register for the fall. im looking into possible 4 year colleges to transfer to once i get my associates, this lady in the disabilities office that i talk to is really pushing for me to check out this Truman State University up near Iowa. she says that there are a lot of people there just like me and i'll fit in much more than i do here at this little 2 year college (well i have no doubt about that ;)) but yeah and its smaller than the other colleges i was looking at, such as Mizzou in colombia mo, which is bigger than VCU, i just think i do better at a smaller school, and truman is small but its for people that have 3.8 gpa's and who
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hey, look at it this way, if you ahdn't decided to go here then you never would have meet me, mickey, ryan, or ryan, and all the other COOL people. and wouldn't that have been sad. hum... lots of cool people and one bad one or well not us. i think you made a good choice. *big hug*
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take care. feel free to call me (804-303-9057) or email or whatever if you need to talk. i'm always here.
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