Project Runway rambles - No spoilers...really!!!
There is much on my mind. I reach in to pull out coherent sentences but all I find are fragments. Putting my thoughts together seems to have become even more jumbled. When I have pulled out a thought the seems to be complete, I find it still seems bare. Lackluster. Unimportant. Not myself, or my feelings but the words I choose to express them does not seem sufficient.
So instead, I'll talk about one of my fav shows these days, Project Runway. But no spoilers.
I want to talk about Santino.
I've read a lot of people that can't stand him. That he doesn't deserve to be there. He's insane. I whole heartedly disagree. With each episode, I'm more intrigued by him. Just when he makes asshole comments and creations, He starts signing a song to cheer up Andrae. When you see him acting insensitive, I see another scene where he is genuinely concerned about someone. No matter how much footage is shown, I still feel that we'll still never get entire picture on Santino. That there have been so many experiences that have shaped him and we won't ever see all the ways that they have made an impact on his view and his actions.
Then I realized how much I related to him. That many people don't have the whole picture of me. I mean, how could you? My routine, my worries, what do I do for strength, who I relate to and why does that always seem to be in a constant state of flux. I know that I haven't been the very open about myself and who I am. But maybe I need to see what someone else wants from me. Yes, I think I need to know what you want. Do you want me around to validate yourself? Do you want me to do something for you? or to you? Or do you want something from me? Most of the time, its someone wants something from me.
So when that happens, I turn on Project Runway. I watch Andrae saunter out the door. I watch Santino do Tim Gunn impressions, singing Nine Inch Nails "Closer". I watch to distract myself for a while.
And then, just maybe, I'll write about all the good stuff that happened recently but no one knows about. Cause its stuck in my brain and I need to get it unstuck.
So instead, I'll talk about one of my fav shows these days, Project Runway. But no spoilers.
I want to talk about Santino.
I've read a lot of people that can't stand him. That he doesn't deserve to be there. He's insane. I whole heartedly disagree. With each episode, I'm more intrigued by him. Just when he makes asshole comments and creations, He starts signing a song to cheer up Andrae. When you see him acting insensitive, I see another scene where he is genuinely concerned about someone. No matter how much footage is shown, I still feel that we'll still never get entire picture on Santino. That there have been so many experiences that have shaped him and we won't ever see all the ways that they have made an impact on his view and his actions.
Then I realized how much I related to him. That many people don't have the whole picture of me. I mean, how could you? My routine, my worries, what do I do for strength, who I relate to and why does that always seem to be in a constant state of flux. I know that I haven't been the very open about myself and who I am. But maybe I need to see what someone else wants from me. Yes, I think I need to know what you want. Do you want me around to validate yourself? Do you want me to do something for you? or to you? Or do you want something from me? Most of the time, its someone wants something from me.
So when that happens, I turn on Project Runway. I watch Andrae saunter out the door. I watch Santino do Tim Gunn impressions, singing Nine Inch Nails "Closer". I watch to distract myself for a while.
And then, just maybe, I'll write about all the good stuff that happened recently but no one knows about. Cause its stuck in my brain and I need to get it unstuck.