In times like these...
I find myself in these moments.... and seem to always be thankful for this outlet...
Sitting here in the middle of my life... seeing what I've piled around me.... I thought "I wish I had a remarkable life".
There's this spot in my brain. This spot on my head I can point to... and can see and feel when I look up at my finger... but when I look in the mirror... I can't find it. That's the spot where thoughts come off the production line and into reality. I felt this thought while it was brewing, and the minute it came past that point, I had to push the big red "Stop" button... I felt slapped in the face.
Do I feel bad about my life? I don't think so. Work is tough... no doubt... but that's life. You go through the hard stuff to grow and learn... and I'm doing that in bunches. I'm not lonely or sad or anything... life is good... right? It pains me to realize that it's only in comparison to existences not my own that I question my... creation.
I'm always eyes up, looking around at everyone around me. I half expect to find other eyes doing the same search, but know better. At least once a day while I'm scanning for a sign... a signal it's time to rise up and overthrow the status quo.... I want to SCREAM, "Isn't this driving anybody else fucking NUTS!" I do scream... I flail... and then the impulse passes and I'm able to rejoin society.
I feel like I have so much.... something.... it can most closely be described as a churning... like a big ball of sharks... all swimming over each other... but it's words... and statements... and pains... and indiscernible screams... and they're all getting energy from one another... and boiling. Yeah... I have that... so much of that... inside me... ALL THE TIME! I need a way to get them out. My life should be all about getting them out. But who'd pay me to do that?
Occasionally one of these idea-lings breaks from the pack... circles my brain for take off clearance, and finds it's way into some form of expression. Sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes offensive, usually violent in some way... but ALWAYS a relief. If I could focus my life on that... harness that energy... I think I wouldn't have had to push that big red button.
Sitting here in the middle of my life... seeing what I've piled around me.... I thought "I wish I had a remarkable life".
There's this spot in my brain. This spot on my head I can point to... and can see and feel when I look up at my finger... but when I look in the mirror... I can't find it. That's the spot where thoughts come off the production line and into reality. I felt this thought while it was brewing, and the minute it came past that point, I had to push the big red "Stop" button... I felt slapped in the face.
Do I feel bad about my life? I don't think so. Work is tough... no doubt... but that's life. You go through the hard stuff to grow and learn... and I'm doing that in bunches. I'm not lonely or sad or anything... life is good... right? It pains me to realize that it's only in comparison to existences not my own that I question my... creation.
I'm always eyes up, looking around at everyone around me. I half expect to find other eyes doing the same search, but know better. At least once a day while I'm scanning for a sign... a signal it's time to rise up and overthrow the status quo.... I want to SCREAM, "Isn't this driving anybody else fucking NUTS!" I do scream... I flail... and then the impulse passes and I'm able to rejoin society.
I feel like I have so much.... something.... it can most closely be described as a churning... like a big ball of sharks... all swimming over each other... but it's words... and statements... and pains... and indiscernible screams... and they're all getting energy from one another... and boiling. Yeah... I have that... so much of that... inside me... ALL THE TIME! I need a way to get them out. My life should be all about getting them out. But who'd pay me to do that?
Occasionally one of these idea-lings breaks from the pack... circles my brain for take off clearance, and finds it's way into some form of expression. Sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes offensive, usually violent in some way... but ALWAYS a relief. If I could focus my life on that... harness that energy... I think I wouldn't have had to push that big red button.