Let's say.
I was putting down some stuff as I was walking in the door from being out with my mom, and Rebecca called. I updated her a bit, asked her about what her mom had said and stuff, she didn't sound too happy. I wanted to talk to her but her phone kept breaking up and I had to finish getting settled in as well as get started on preparations for my interview tomorrow. Then as I was looking through Kim's LiveJournal I had a weird thought... not so much weird as awfull. Rebecca is more or less the center of my universe, life just seems a little more dull when she's not there, she's more beautiful than the moon and the stars and etc, etc, etc... but I noticed that as much as my life revolves around her, accomadating her, trying to be with her, and making her as happy as she makes me, her's doesn't seem the same. This might just be my usual stupid way of over thinking everything and over anylizing, but I don't know. It just kind of bothers me. I won't make anything of it because I Love her and I don't like making her upset about anything, but I thought I'd write about it in hopes that somebody would say something or maybe by writing it all out, I'd figure out why I had this feeling. For example, she's going to a show on Friday with her friends here in Portland. Zao or something I believe. To be honest, I have no clue who they are or what they play or how good they are, but I know she's somewhat excited to go, and if they're hardcore probably get herself hurt too. In any case, she's going, and having a good time with her and her friends, nothing wrong with that. But the problem arises when I think of what I would do in this situation. Let's say a band like Death Cab for Cutie was coming to town, and it was my day off and I could go with me and a couple of my friends next Friday. Personally, I could care less if Alkaline Trio was playing because I care more about seeing Rebecca than seeing my favorite band live (which I'm pretty sure Zao isn't). This is only one example, there is a myriad of other situations I can think of where I didn't or won't get to be the center of attention. And as far as putting her above anything at all times that's just who I am, I care more about her than anything else, and she doesn't have to compete for space or time or attention with anything or anyone else in my life. I know she Loves me and cares about me more than anyone, but I think it's pretty clear that I'm not the center of her universe. Granted that's probably the normal behavior, it just kind of made me a little sad knowing that she's my top priority and that I would gladly cancel or put anyone off for her, yet it didn't seem like she would for me. I don't know what to make out of all of this, in fact, I don't know why I even wrote it out, I'll post it anyways, but I hope it doesn't make anyone think differently of me or make Rebecca upset, because that wasn't what I meant to do. I was just wondering why I felt this way. I just know that I Love her...