(no subject)
Continued..... My day gets better....
Heh, I found my retainers... Ben woke up around 4:30 closer to 5, somehow my retainers went from my shirt pocket to his room's floor. It's funny, because I haven't even been in there in a while. I called Sarah (my manager) to tell her and let her know that I could come in and she was pissed... She said it was unacceptable and that she couldn't believe I didn't show up till 11am and that I didn't even try to come in and blah blah blah... all bullshit. I called at 8am on the bus on my way there and they told me not to come in because I had no retainers and I couldn't work with my piercings in. And I didn't call her untill now because there was nothing else I could do untill now, but whatever. She said We'll talk about it tomorrow when I come in (She didn't want me to come in for the day). My best guess is I'll have a write-up or two and she'll be an ass to me untill she feels I've been punished enough. I don't really care, I only have the job untill I leave and if I get fired it would just be another problem I have to deal with. I've had plenty of those and still do, so one more won't break me. So that about summarizes the work aspect right now.
I talked to Rebecca (this happened a little before all the work stuff). I just said "Hi" in my usual sad voice that I get when I talk to her, she asked why I wasn't at work and I told her to read my LJ. She read it... I asked her what she did last night and then she told me about how she had Isaiah come over around 11pm and spend the night with her because she was bored... They umm watched movies in her room and talked... untill 6:30am the next day. I thought it was kinda weird she had told me she was going to Kim's last night after we got done talking about the usual sad shit... She said that she did go to Kim's for an hour and then came back and called Isaiah.... She might've said he called her, who knows, either way I only take her words as an interpretation of what happened. After a little prying she told me that they were "sitting up against the pillows" in bed together... again, really just interpretation, for all I know they were laying holding hands. Rebecca said they watched movies untill about 4 and then they talked for the last two hours. She said they talked about random childhood stories and stuff, she said "the things that I don't care to listen to." Actually she mentioned that all throughout the conversation, after every sentence or her saying something about what's up with her life right now she would say "You don't even care." All I did was sat there quietly, still trying to take in the thing with her spending the night with Isaiah. That kind of thing is commonplace these days though, her saying I don't care and things like that, she has a pre-disposition towards me. An attitude that comes on whenever she talks to me or is around me, sort of like my sad voice or the way I used to react when I saw her in the past month. I don't know, I'll give a little background on Isaiah, her "good friend" as of recent, lives just a few houses down, and they dated for a couple of days a year or so ago. She assures me nothing would ever happen and what not, but they've been hanging out non-stop for the past week and this just really did it in for me. I try to be nice and cool with her good friendship with a guy but I think this sort of thing would push any guy towards being upset, to say the least. But it's not like I can do anything, it's not like I can even be upset because exactly like I expected, after I hinted at being upset she quickly responded: "Well, should I even come up tomorrow?" Me: "Why wouldn't you, because you think I'll just be mean?" Rebecca:"Well, if you're going to be an asshole then why would I waste my gas on coming up to see you?"..... She keeps telling me I don't care, but honestly I feel like she couldn't care less if she never saw me again. She jumps at the idea of "not wasting her gas on me." I don't know, I don't know if I'll even do anything about it or say anything about it. I might just put on a happy face and keep going with this piece of shit relationship... Hah, I feel comfortable saying that because I'm pretty sure by now Rebecca would've gotten bored with reading my journal and would've started skimming or not paying attention. I mean, I Love her, unfortunately, but this all just is painfully obvious, it's not worth for what it's doing to me.... it's not hurting her in the least, and my life and emotions are awfull because of it. But then, who knows, I might feel worst being alone, who knows.... If I decide to say or do anything or even try to talk about our relationship, she'll just tell me to fuck off and leave or not come up. She might break up with me if I'm being "too controling." So here are my two choices folks: Continue with this trainwreck unhappy and giving up my dignity more every day, putting on a smile in fear that she might leave if I'm anything other than the happy Robby she likes to see. Quiet and submissive, hating her for what she's done and Loving her because everything in me forces me to.... Or, break it off, be alone, sad, with noone to call, who would even pretend to care, because at least she does that. Only untill I left for Veneuela, but that could be a month, and that's a long time for me, at least in my current condition. I have to say my choices were better before, when Elyse saving me from all this was an option, but I fucked that up like I fuck up everything else I guess.... According to Rebecca everything is my fault and I'm the only one to blame for the unhappyness in my life, noone else's fault I'm like this. I really hope she doesn't get this far in the entry, because this will just be something else I have to apoligize for and get her to forgive me for the terrible things I do.... I think I'm done, I've lost my train of thought and all this entry will do is give me more shit to deal with as far as Rebecca and I don't know if anyone else will bother reading. Don't even know if Rebecca will... Later, I'm to continue to evaluate my choices and think about what the fuck I have to say to Sarah tomorrow so she doesn't fire me. Be sad, the usual thing.
Heh, I found my retainers... Ben woke up around 4:30 closer to 5, somehow my retainers went from my shirt pocket to his room's floor. It's funny, because I haven't even been in there in a while. I called Sarah (my manager) to tell her and let her know that I could come in and she was pissed... She said it was unacceptable and that she couldn't believe I didn't show up till 11am and that I didn't even try to come in and blah blah blah... all bullshit. I called at 8am on the bus on my way there and they told me not to come in because I had no retainers and I couldn't work with my piercings in. And I didn't call her untill now because there was nothing else I could do untill now, but whatever. She said We'll talk about it tomorrow when I come in (She didn't want me to come in for the day). My best guess is I'll have a write-up or two and she'll be an ass to me untill she feels I've been punished enough. I don't really care, I only have the job untill I leave and if I get fired it would just be another problem I have to deal with. I've had plenty of those and still do, so one more won't break me. So that about summarizes the work aspect right now.
I talked to Rebecca (this happened a little before all the work stuff). I just said "Hi" in my usual sad voice that I get when I talk to her, she asked why I wasn't at work and I told her to read my LJ. She read it... I asked her what she did last night and then she told me about how she had Isaiah come over around 11pm and spend the night with her because she was bored... They umm watched movies in her room and talked... untill 6:30am the next day. I thought it was kinda weird she had told me she was going to Kim's last night after we got done talking about the usual sad shit... She said that she did go to Kim's for an hour and then came back and called Isaiah.... She might've said he called her, who knows, either way I only take her words as an interpretation of what happened. After a little prying she told me that they were "sitting up against the pillows" in bed together... again, really just interpretation, for all I know they were laying holding hands. Rebecca said they watched movies untill about 4 and then they talked for the last two hours. She said they talked about random childhood stories and stuff, she said "the things that I don't care to listen to." Actually she mentioned that all throughout the conversation, after every sentence or her saying something about what's up with her life right now she would say "You don't even care." All I did was sat there quietly, still trying to take in the thing with her spending the night with Isaiah. That kind of thing is commonplace these days though, her saying I don't care and things like that, she has a pre-disposition towards me. An attitude that comes on whenever she talks to me or is around me, sort of like my sad voice or the way I used to react when I saw her in the past month. I don't know, I'll give a little background on Isaiah, her "good friend" as of recent, lives just a few houses down, and they dated for a couple of days a year or so ago. She assures me nothing would ever happen and what not, but they've been hanging out non-stop for the past week and this just really did it in for me. I try to be nice and cool with her good friendship with a guy but I think this sort of thing would push any guy towards being upset, to say the least. But it's not like I can do anything, it's not like I can even be upset because exactly like I expected, after I hinted at being upset she quickly responded: "Well, should I even come up tomorrow?" Me: "Why wouldn't you, because you think I'll just be mean?" Rebecca:"Well, if you're going to be an asshole then why would I waste my gas on coming up to see you?"..... She keeps telling me I don't care, but honestly I feel like she couldn't care less if she never saw me again. She jumps at the idea of "not wasting her gas on me." I don't know, I don't know if I'll even do anything about it or say anything about it. I might just put on a happy face and keep going with this piece of shit relationship... Hah, I feel comfortable saying that because I'm pretty sure by now Rebecca would've gotten bored with reading my journal and would've started skimming or not paying attention. I mean, I Love her, unfortunately, but this all just is painfully obvious, it's not worth for what it's doing to me.... it's not hurting her in the least, and my life and emotions are awfull because of it. But then, who knows, I might feel worst being alone, who knows.... If I decide to say or do anything or even try to talk about our relationship, she'll just tell me to fuck off and leave or not come up. She might break up with me if I'm being "too controling." So here are my two choices folks: Continue with this trainwreck unhappy and giving up my dignity more every day, putting on a smile in fear that she might leave if I'm anything other than the happy Robby she likes to see. Quiet and submissive, hating her for what she's done and Loving her because everything in me forces me to.... Or, break it off, be alone, sad, with noone to call, who would even pretend to care, because at least she does that. Only untill I left for Veneuela, but that could be a month, and that's a long time for me, at least in my current condition. I have to say my choices were better before, when Elyse saving me from all this was an option, but I fucked that up like I fuck up everything else I guess.... According to Rebecca everything is my fault and I'm the only one to blame for the unhappyness in my life, noone else's fault I'm like this. I really hope she doesn't get this far in the entry, because this will just be something else I have to apoligize for and get her to forgive me for the terrible things I do.... I think I'm done, I've lost my train of thought and all this entry will do is give me more shit to deal with as far as Rebecca and I don't know if anyone else will bother reading. Don't even know if Rebecca will... Later, I'm to continue to evaluate my choices and think about what the fuck I have to say to Sarah tomorrow so she doesn't fire me. Be sad, the usual thing.