Sleeping Arrangements
Location: North Weyr
Time: Evening on Day 20, Month 12, Turn 3
Players: Roa, Ashwin
Scene: Roa is moving furniture. Ashwin catches her doing it. It turns into a discussion they probably should have had long before now.
It's around dinnertime and the weyrwoman should probably be reading or soaking or doing hidework. Something calm and sedate. What she should not be doing is standing on a chair, pushed up onto her toes, in an attempt to take down the curtains surrounding the bed. There are other signs that Roa's been busy today. The couches, table, bookshelves and her desk have all been shifted. The dining table and chairs as well. In general, it looks as if everything's been scootched forward to allow for some blank space near the back of the weyr. Tialith lounges near her heavily gravid rider, perhaps on hand in case Roa's footing should slip.
Ashwin pushes the door open, adjusting the knives at his belt as he comes striding in, in the act of pulling off his jacket. He comes up short at the sight of her, freezing in place, jacket half off. Startling her would be a bad idea. So he speaks, quietly, beginning to move once more, jacket pulled up over his shoulders. "You want to climb down from there? Right now?" Phrased as a question, delivered as an order, as he comes up beside her, lifting his hands to help her down.
"Wait, no, hang on. Almost got it off the hooky thing. Heft me up, could you? I keep asking Tia, but she won't." Roa bounces a bit on her toes, as if this might supply some superior leverage. "Hey," she offers, eyes still on the curtain. "Good day?"
"Big fuckin' surprise there," Ashwin opines, wrapping an arm around her legs, underneath her bump, and lifting her off the chair. "Are you completely insane? Do you know what'll happen if you fall off this thing?" He bends his knees, lowering her down gently so her feet rest on the ground, and then turning his head to kiss her stomach. "Your mother's trying to kill you," he murmurs against the skin.
A small noise of appreciation for a lift turns into a sound of protest as she's lowered. "I'm not. I'm just trying to make room. Would have been fine." She holds her arms out from her sides. "I -am- fine." She brushes her fingers through his too-long hair. "I think it's pretty much ready. Except for the curtain."
"I'll get the curtain down for you, you insane woman," Ashwin informs her from where he crouches at her feet, looking up to her. "If you fall, you know what'll happen. Don't let me catch you up on anything like that again, understand?" One hand still curved around her legs, he spins on the balls of his feet to survey their home. "Tell me you didn't do all this on your own."
"Um," The weyrwoman clasps her hands behind her back. "All right. Oh shells, I completely forgot about dinner. What do you want? I'll get something brought up if you'll take down the curtains." The golden dragon watching all of these proceedings just offers a low rumble and a faint snort.
"Easy there." Ashwin's arm tightens around her legs, to stop her from moving anywhere in a hurry. "We'll order something up in a little. Tell me what's going on, first. What've you been doing all this for?"
"I don't know. I had to. I couldn't not. I mean, we needed to make room anyhow, so I..." Roa shrugs. "For the furniture."
"If you want anything moved, you tell me and I'll move it, or I'll send someone up to move it for you. I want you to promise you're not going to do anything like this again, you're supposed to be resting." Ashwin kisses her bump once, then again. "You were meant to kick her harder in the ribs than you did," he informs the curve.
She groans faintly. "Don't tell her that. When she kicks me in the ribs, her foot gets caught. Do you have any idea what that -feels- like?" Roa's nose wrinkles. "It's supposed to be coming up tomorrow and the day after. The furniture. If there's someone off duty who'll help for a bit, I suppose that'd be all right."
Ashwin groans into her stomach, arms tightening once more, then loosening so he can rise to his feet, and rise slowly, keeping his arms around her all the way up. "I'll send someone each morning, and I want a promise you're not going to move any of it yourself. I'm still waiting for it."
"This is one of those things I'm not allowed to say 'no' about, isn't it," Roa murmurs, her hands settling on Ashwin's shoulders until he straightens too far for her to hang on. "All right. I promise."
"Damn straight," Ashwin agrees, pulling her head in under his chin. "How come we need so much furniture? Babies just lie still, how many different places can he lie?"
"Uhm..." Roa closes her eyes, nuzzling her head beneath Ashwin's chin. "Changing table, rocking chair, crib, bassinet, clothes press. Well, he won't lie in there, but for storage." Her large belly presses against him as she attempts to wrap her arms around the captain.
"Mmmmm." Ashwin lifts a hand to smooth down her hair, then drops his head to kiss it. "Talked to the nursery about sleeping arrangements? Can't have him in here every night, we should find out how they work that. What time of day we need to let them know."
Roa stills for a beat and then leans back, blinking up at Ashwin and frowning faintly. "We...can't? Have her in here every night? Why can't we?"
"What?" He pulls his own head back, looking down to her with mild surprise. "Every night? She'll cry most nights, and you'll need to sleep. We both will. We can get up and settle her sometimes, but we have work to do, little thing." He squeezes her, finding a quick smile. "Anyhow, we might want some time to ourselves, at some point. See if we remember what to do with that."
She bites down her lower lip, brows hitching upwards. "I know they cry," Roa says softly. "I know that. But we can't just...we made her, and now we say 'sorry, don't want to deal with the rough stuff, you other folks do that'? I asked if you wanted to foster. You said 'no'. So it's no, but that means she's got us. We can't just...of course it's inconvenient. It's a baby."
"Roa, be reasonable." A very wise place to start a counter-argument. "I'm not saying I don't want the difficult parts. I'm looking forward to teaching him all sorts of things, and I'll get up in the night same as you will, but we have to be reasonable. It's not about loving him, it's about making sure we can do our work." His arms begin to unwind, so he can start peeling off his jacket again. "Good for the kid to have parents who get to spend some time together, don't you think?"
"Good for the kid to have parents who don't pass him off to other folks," is Roa's muttered reply. "We'll manage. Plenty of folks manage having a baby and having work, too. We'll figure it out as we go."
Ashwin pulls his jacket off slowly, and stands, letting it dangle from one hand. "Let me rephrase that," he begins, looking down to where his hand is tightening around the collar of his jacket. "I want time alone with you. I want our son, or our daughter, I want our child. I know how much you do. I also want to know that I'm going to have you to myself, just sometimes. I don't want to spend every night for the next how many turns getting interrupted halfway through --" He shakes his head, turning for the door so he can walk across to snag it on the hook.
"We'll figure it out," Roa says again, taking a few steps towards Ashwin as he moves away. "He'll have patterns and I'm all right with having the nursery help during the day. It's just...at night...Ash, where you sleep is where your home is. I can't...I know we can make it work."
He adjusts where his jacket hangs, and turns back towards her, eyes down as he unfastens his shirt sleeves. "Well, I suppose I'll have to content myself with having some time with you during the day. When I'm not on duty, and you're not working." He's retreating to the reserve she so rarely witnesses, these days, at least in private. "When you figure out how to make it work, you just let me know when and where to report, and I will."
"Don't do that," the weyrwoman requests as she moves over to the couch in its new spot, sinking down into the cushions. "We'll have days off, and babies sleep a lot. I want time alone with you, too. We'll find it. Don't make this...I thought you'd want it this way, too."
"Babies sleep a lot?" Ashwin breaks his reserve to allow a faint note of incredulity into his voice. "I can take my weyrmate to bed when the baby falls asleep? What about if he wakes up halfway through, we just..." He shakes his head, declining to close the gap between them, and remaining by the door. "I want to be a good father. I want you to be a good mother. I want you to be there every time our child needs you. I also want you to be there when I need you, sometimes."
"Always," Roa murmurs. "Of course I'll be there when you need me. There's going to be three of us. We'll all have to get used to it, adjust a little. It doesn't mean mean we won't...we will. Ul and Lyren'll help, I bet. Maybe Ella, once she's graduated. There's Tillek. Just, most nights, she should be with us. That doesn't make sense to you?"
Ashwin's hands to go his belt, curling around it slowly as he nods. "And what's most nights? Long time until we can send him to Tillek to see my family. Ul and Lyren can't take him that often, they -- what's 'most nights', exactly?"
"I don't...I haven't got a table worked out. Six nights out of the seven? Or, it'll just depend. I could probably tell you better once she's here." Roa studies Ashwin quietly.
Ashwin's jaw squares, and he nods slowly. "Like I said, you work it out, you just tell me what you want me to do. I'm going to go down, speak to someone about something to eat, I'll bring it back up." The shirt sleeves he unfastened earlier are shoved up, rather than folded back.
"Wait," Roa asks, rocking forward to push up into a stand. "You think I should have this so worked out in my head, how do -you- want it? How many nights with us if we did it the way you thought? How did you see it working?"
"It doesn't matter at all," he replies, reaching back behind him for the door handle, and turning it. "What do we know anyway, we never tried this before. We'll do it your way." The door comes open, behind him. "Have a rest while I get something to eat, will you? Lugging furniture around on your own like that."
"It matters. You're upset. I hurt you and I don't even know...can't you try and explain this to me? I thought..." Roa bites her bottom lip, gaze sinking to where her toes should be, but there's only the swell of her abdomen to see.
"It's really - just sit down, get some weight off your feet." He's very blank now, framed by the doorway. "Women know more about these things, I'm sure. I'll see about some food." He tries for a very weak smile, then. "Sit on the chair, don't stand on it." And he goes, closing the door behind him. Dinner's ready in just a quarter of an hour, but it's delivered by one of the kitchen girls, a little nervous, rather than Roa's pale Captain. He is, the girl explains, training. Will be up later. No need to save food. And she bobs, and withdraws.
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Dinner came and Roa ate, and the remains left again. She resisted the urge to move more things, mostly by pacing until Tialith decided she'd watched Roa walk about in circles enough and closed her large, faceted eyes. Eventually, the weyrwoman changed into her pyjamas, and she now lies in bed, on her side. The glows have been covered though the fire burns and pops, casting a gentle light over the room. She blinks in silence, save for the occasional shifting she must do to keep this or that limb happy.
He's not so very late, though later than usual. Ashwin slips in quietly, and closes the door behind him with a soft click. His jacket is snagged on the hook, and he unbuttons his shirt as he crosses the room, dropping it to the floor beside the bed when he arrives there. He doubles over, leaning down to pick at his bootlaces, and pull them undone. Then his boots come off, and his socks, and in silence he pads across to the table, so he can set his belt and knives down there. After that he pauses, and looks back towards the bed. He curls one arm around the back of a chair, and carries it over to the bed. Then he steps up onto it, reaching up to finish unhooking the curtains she was working on when he discovered her earlier in the evening.
She knows when he's home, but at these moments, it's always a struggle to decide if he'd rather presume she was sleeping or awake. Still, as the curtain starts to come down Roa turns a bit to peer over her shoulder at the pale captain. "I just thought it could go around a little wider. It'll keep til tomorrow. You don't have to..." but he already is, so the weyrwoman lapses back into silence.
"Hush," Ashwin murmurs, stretching along to get at the last hook, and then letting the heavy fabric drop to the floor. "Goodbye," he continues, looking down to the pile of fabric on the ground. Then he steps across from the chair onto the bed, easing down onto his knees so he can kneel beside her, hands resting on his thighs, looking down.
She shifts, twisting a little bit so that she can more easily peer back, her gaze flicking over him. "I'm sorry," Roa whispers, "I didn't mean to..." she closes her eyes, shaking her head.
"You should be sleeping by now," he murmurs, twisting around, and flopping down onto his back, so he can lift his hips and slide out of the rest of his clothes. They drop to the floor, on top of the crumpled drapes, and he hauls aside the covers so he can climb in beside her. "S'late."
"Explain that to the bump," Roa murmurs wryly. As Ashwin comes under the covers, she scoots backwards a little to creep a bit closer to him. "I miss my feet."
One hand curves around her, cool but not cold, to rest on her stomach. "Be good to your mother," he murmurs into her hair, squeezing her slightly. "Let me check how they're doing." His feet hook underneath hers, long legs stretching out so he rests the tops of his feet under the bottoms of hers.
Her toes wiggle against the tops of his feet and she scoots again to line her back up against his chest and belly. "Feels like they're still there. Toes and all. I was wondering what kept holding me up."
"Reckon it's feet," he whispers, reaching up with his free hand to haul his pillows more securely under his head. "Got my schedules sorted out, so I can slip back tomorrow for an hour. Get the stuff set up for you myself."
She nods, her eyes closing and staying that way. "Thank you," and then in a tone that's at least halfway a tease, "I really could have managed. Felt nice, to be able to do something again."
"Don't want you managing," Ashwin replies. "Strain something, hurt yourself. You're too close for that, now. Won't be long."
"I know," Roa agrees softly, settling her hand over his. "I'll be good. Pretty close, I guess. Went fast."
Ashwin is quiet, fingers splaying underneath hers. "Pretty fast," he agrees quietly. "Got a good crib lined up?"
"Mmm," Her fingers rub over his knuckles. "Sort of a dark red wood. Pretty, I thought. You'll see it tomorrow. Rocking chair matches. Changing table and the press are a bit lighter."
"You in a rocking chair," Ashwin marvels, kissing her hair. "Looking forward to seeing that. You'll have a lap again by then." Another kiss. "He'll sleep here, it'll be good."
"I'm starting to think it's all a lie. My lap is gone forever." Roa's fingers curl around Ashwin's and squeeze. She's quiet for a few moments before she says with more solemnity, "I'm so afraid you're just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear. I really thought...will you tell me? How you'd thought it would go? Please?"
He's quiet as they breathe together, in and out, his breaths matching her more shallow ones. "I want you to hear everything you want to hear," he murmurs. "Always. I want you to have everything you want to have.”
"I just want to hear what's true," Roa replies gently. "I can't stand the idea I'm hurting you, and you're just pretending it's fine. And I think I am, and that you are."
"I just never slept in with mine," Ashwin murmurs, quiet. "Weyr's full of people who'll watch her, and if we kiss her and put her down every night, and come along to take her in the morning, don't think it'll hurt if it's a nanny has to hold her if she cries in the night. Didn't think. So many of the other children sleep there, they seem all right."
She's quiet again, thoughtful, as she studies the banking flames, the room covered in deepening shadows with only faint outlines visible against a soft orange glow. "Okay," Roa says after a long moment. "That's what we'll do, then."
His eyes are closed, his chin lifting so he can curl her in more closely against him, and rest it on top of her head. "No," he replies, not breaking the muted mood of the room with that quiet word. "We'll have him here. I'll steal my moments with you other times. Fun during the day, anyhow."
She shakes her head against the pillow. "That time means something to you. Something big. You said it should be all right. I just...there's not much that happened to me that can compare with normal. You say it's all right, then it is. It's what we'll do."
He rumbles, a soft, wordless sound of protest. "We've already decided, I don't want to talk about it. It means something, you know that. So we'll find that time."
"No," Roa corrects quietly, "we'll make it. Some nights, he'll sleep somewhere else. Sometimes, she'll sleep here. It'll be good."
"Maybe when he's older," Ashwin returns, tugging the covers up around his shoulder. "When he understands. Wouldn't want him confused."
"I'm crazy," Roa lifts her hand, and so lifts his, kissing his knuckles. "Things that went through my head don't go through anybody else's. When she doesn't stay at night, we'll get her in the morning. It'll be fine. She won't get confused."
"How do you know that? Better to just keep things even," Ashwin replies, turning his hand inside hers so the tips of his fingers can brush her lips. "If we're not sleeping, not getting our work done, we'll think again. I never cried, though."
"Not ever?" Roa asks with a small laugh. "I try and think of you as a baby. I think there was a lot of staring and putting things in your mouth." Her lips kiss his thumb. "Not about work or sleep. Something else. Let's try it your way. If it seems like she's having a hard time, we'll try something else."
"I still like staring," he replies, a hint of the private smile he keeps for her entering his voice. "And putting things in my mouth, if they're the right things." He's quiet as she kisses his thumb. "You're pregnant and irrational. Let me win this one, and go to sleep. I want my son where I can see him."
"What if you have a daughter?" Roa teases. "I noticed that. About staring and things in your mouth. And I'm still noisy all the time." She turns his hand over to kiss each knuckle in turn. "You're not allowed to pretend you're all right when you're not. Or that it's all right, when it's not. I know you."
"Have a daughter, want her right where I can see her," Ashwin replies promptly. "Get in practice for when she's older." He lets her kiss his knuckles in silence, and speaks quietly, the smile gone from his voice. "I want my family together, I thought about what you said. Don't need you to prove what I already know."
"We'll make time," she promises quietly against his knuckles. "I love you."
"Already know that," he replies, the breath going out of him slowly, as he settles for sleep. "You too, little thing."
"Going to be someone littler than me," Roa muses with a yawn, "You'll need to think up a new nickname."
"Or wait a couple of sevens," he replies, matching her yawn. "Go to sleep, you need rest, then tomorrow you can concentrate on growing my baby. Can't stop concentrating at the last minute, might forget the toes."
"Shut up," Roa laughs as she presses herself up against him. "It'll be at least a turn." She yawns, her tone going drowsy as she continues. "Won't forget the toes. Or the fingernails. Belly button..." and then she's breathing deeply, fingers still curled around his hand.
Time: Evening on Day 20, Month 12, Turn 3
Players: Roa, Ashwin
Scene: Roa is moving furniture. Ashwin catches her doing it. It turns into a discussion they probably should have had long before now.
It's around dinnertime and the weyrwoman should probably be reading or soaking or doing hidework. Something calm and sedate. What she should not be doing is standing on a chair, pushed up onto her toes, in an attempt to take down the curtains surrounding the bed. There are other signs that Roa's been busy today. The couches, table, bookshelves and her desk have all been shifted. The dining table and chairs as well. In general, it looks as if everything's been scootched forward to allow for some blank space near the back of the weyr. Tialith lounges near her heavily gravid rider, perhaps on hand in case Roa's footing should slip.
Ashwin pushes the door open, adjusting the knives at his belt as he comes striding in, in the act of pulling off his jacket. He comes up short at the sight of her, freezing in place, jacket half off. Startling her would be a bad idea. So he speaks, quietly, beginning to move once more, jacket pulled up over his shoulders. "You want to climb down from there? Right now?" Phrased as a question, delivered as an order, as he comes up beside her, lifting his hands to help her down.
"Wait, no, hang on. Almost got it off the hooky thing. Heft me up, could you? I keep asking Tia, but she won't." Roa bounces a bit on her toes, as if this might supply some superior leverage. "Hey," she offers, eyes still on the curtain. "Good day?"
"Big fuckin' surprise there," Ashwin opines, wrapping an arm around her legs, underneath her bump, and lifting her off the chair. "Are you completely insane? Do you know what'll happen if you fall off this thing?" He bends his knees, lowering her down gently so her feet rest on the ground, and then turning his head to kiss her stomach. "Your mother's trying to kill you," he murmurs against the skin.
A small noise of appreciation for a lift turns into a sound of protest as she's lowered. "I'm not. I'm just trying to make room. Would have been fine." She holds her arms out from her sides. "I -am- fine." She brushes her fingers through his too-long hair. "I think it's pretty much ready. Except for the curtain."
"I'll get the curtain down for you, you insane woman," Ashwin informs her from where he crouches at her feet, looking up to her. "If you fall, you know what'll happen. Don't let me catch you up on anything like that again, understand?" One hand still curved around her legs, he spins on the balls of his feet to survey their home. "Tell me you didn't do all this on your own."
"Um," The weyrwoman clasps her hands behind her back. "All right. Oh shells, I completely forgot about dinner. What do you want? I'll get something brought up if you'll take down the curtains." The golden dragon watching all of these proceedings just offers a low rumble and a faint snort.
"Easy there." Ashwin's arm tightens around her legs, to stop her from moving anywhere in a hurry. "We'll order something up in a little. Tell me what's going on, first. What've you been doing all this for?"
"I don't know. I had to. I couldn't not. I mean, we needed to make room anyhow, so I..." Roa shrugs. "For the furniture."
"If you want anything moved, you tell me and I'll move it, or I'll send someone up to move it for you. I want you to promise you're not going to do anything like this again, you're supposed to be resting." Ashwin kisses her bump once, then again. "You were meant to kick her harder in the ribs than you did," he informs the curve.
She groans faintly. "Don't tell her that. When she kicks me in the ribs, her foot gets caught. Do you have any idea what that -feels- like?" Roa's nose wrinkles. "It's supposed to be coming up tomorrow and the day after. The furniture. If there's someone off duty who'll help for a bit, I suppose that'd be all right."
Ashwin groans into her stomach, arms tightening once more, then loosening so he can rise to his feet, and rise slowly, keeping his arms around her all the way up. "I'll send someone each morning, and I want a promise you're not going to move any of it yourself. I'm still waiting for it."
"This is one of those things I'm not allowed to say 'no' about, isn't it," Roa murmurs, her hands settling on Ashwin's shoulders until he straightens too far for her to hang on. "All right. I promise."
"Damn straight," Ashwin agrees, pulling her head in under his chin. "How come we need so much furniture? Babies just lie still, how many different places can he lie?"
"Uhm..." Roa closes her eyes, nuzzling her head beneath Ashwin's chin. "Changing table, rocking chair, crib, bassinet, clothes press. Well, he won't lie in there, but for storage." Her large belly presses against him as she attempts to wrap her arms around the captain.
"Mmmmm." Ashwin lifts a hand to smooth down her hair, then drops his head to kiss it. "Talked to the nursery about sleeping arrangements? Can't have him in here every night, we should find out how they work that. What time of day we need to let them know."
Roa stills for a beat and then leans back, blinking up at Ashwin and frowning faintly. "We...can't? Have her in here every night? Why can't we?"
"What?" He pulls his own head back, looking down to her with mild surprise. "Every night? She'll cry most nights, and you'll need to sleep. We both will. We can get up and settle her sometimes, but we have work to do, little thing." He squeezes her, finding a quick smile. "Anyhow, we might want some time to ourselves, at some point. See if we remember what to do with that."
She bites down her lower lip, brows hitching upwards. "I know they cry," Roa says softly. "I know that. But we can't just...we made her, and now we say 'sorry, don't want to deal with the rough stuff, you other folks do that'? I asked if you wanted to foster. You said 'no'. So it's no, but that means she's got us. We can't just...of course it's inconvenient. It's a baby."
"Roa, be reasonable." A very wise place to start a counter-argument. "I'm not saying I don't want the difficult parts. I'm looking forward to teaching him all sorts of things, and I'll get up in the night same as you will, but we have to be reasonable. It's not about loving him, it's about making sure we can do our work." His arms begin to unwind, so he can start peeling off his jacket again. "Good for the kid to have parents who get to spend some time together, don't you think?"
"Good for the kid to have parents who don't pass him off to other folks," is Roa's muttered reply. "We'll manage. Plenty of folks manage having a baby and having work, too. We'll figure it out as we go."
Ashwin pulls his jacket off slowly, and stands, letting it dangle from one hand. "Let me rephrase that," he begins, looking down to where his hand is tightening around the collar of his jacket. "I want time alone with you. I want our son, or our daughter, I want our child. I know how much you do. I also want to know that I'm going to have you to myself, just sometimes. I don't want to spend every night for the next how many turns getting interrupted halfway through --" He shakes his head, turning for the door so he can walk across to snag it on the hook.
"We'll figure it out," Roa says again, taking a few steps towards Ashwin as he moves away. "He'll have patterns and I'm all right with having the nursery help during the day. It's just...at night...Ash, where you sleep is where your home is. I can't...I know we can make it work."
He adjusts where his jacket hangs, and turns back towards her, eyes down as he unfastens his shirt sleeves. "Well, I suppose I'll have to content myself with having some time with you during the day. When I'm not on duty, and you're not working." He's retreating to the reserve she so rarely witnesses, these days, at least in private. "When you figure out how to make it work, you just let me know when and where to report, and I will."
"Don't do that," the weyrwoman requests as she moves over to the couch in its new spot, sinking down into the cushions. "We'll have days off, and babies sleep a lot. I want time alone with you, too. We'll find it. Don't make this...I thought you'd want it this way, too."
"Babies sleep a lot?" Ashwin breaks his reserve to allow a faint note of incredulity into his voice. "I can take my weyrmate to bed when the baby falls asleep? What about if he wakes up halfway through, we just..." He shakes his head, declining to close the gap between them, and remaining by the door. "I want to be a good father. I want you to be a good mother. I want you to be there every time our child needs you. I also want you to be there when I need you, sometimes."
"Always," Roa murmurs. "Of course I'll be there when you need me. There's going to be three of us. We'll all have to get used to it, adjust a little. It doesn't mean mean we won't...we will. Ul and Lyren'll help, I bet. Maybe Ella, once she's graduated. There's Tillek. Just, most nights, she should be with us. That doesn't make sense to you?"
Ashwin's hands to go his belt, curling around it slowly as he nods. "And what's most nights? Long time until we can send him to Tillek to see my family. Ul and Lyren can't take him that often, they -- what's 'most nights', exactly?"
"I don't...I haven't got a table worked out. Six nights out of the seven? Or, it'll just depend. I could probably tell you better once she's here." Roa studies Ashwin quietly.
Ashwin's jaw squares, and he nods slowly. "Like I said, you work it out, you just tell me what you want me to do. I'm going to go down, speak to someone about something to eat, I'll bring it back up." The shirt sleeves he unfastened earlier are shoved up, rather than folded back.
"Wait," Roa asks, rocking forward to push up into a stand. "You think I should have this so worked out in my head, how do -you- want it? How many nights with us if we did it the way you thought? How did you see it working?"
"It doesn't matter at all," he replies, reaching back behind him for the door handle, and turning it. "What do we know anyway, we never tried this before. We'll do it your way." The door comes open, behind him. "Have a rest while I get something to eat, will you? Lugging furniture around on your own like that."
"It matters. You're upset. I hurt you and I don't even know...can't you try and explain this to me? I thought..." Roa bites her bottom lip, gaze sinking to where her toes should be, but there's only the swell of her abdomen to see.
"It's really - just sit down, get some weight off your feet." He's very blank now, framed by the doorway. "Women know more about these things, I'm sure. I'll see about some food." He tries for a very weak smile, then. "Sit on the chair, don't stand on it." And he goes, closing the door behind him. Dinner's ready in just a quarter of an hour, but it's delivered by one of the kitchen girls, a little nervous, rather than Roa's pale Captain. He is, the girl explains, training. Will be up later. No need to save food. And she bobs, and withdraws.
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Dinner came and Roa ate, and the remains left again. She resisted the urge to move more things, mostly by pacing until Tialith decided she'd watched Roa walk about in circles enough and closed her large, faceted eyes. Eventually, the weyrwoman changed into her pyjamas, and she now lies in bed, on her side. The glows have been covered though the fire burns and pops, casting a gentle light over the room. She blinks in silence, save for the occasional shifting she must do to keep this or that limb happy.
He's not so very late, though later than usual. Ashwin slips in quietly, and closes the door behind him with a soft click. His jacket is snagged on the hook, and he unbuttons his shirt as he crosses the room, dropping it to the floor beside the bed when he arrives there. He doubles over, leaning down to pick at his bootlaces, and pull them undone. Then his boots come off, and his socks, and in silence he pads across to the table, so he can set his belt and knives down there. After that he pauses, and looks back towards the bed. He curls one arm around the back of a chair, and carries it over to the bed. Then he steps up onto it, reaching up to finish unhooking the curtains she was working on when he discovered her earlier in the evening.
She knows when he's home, but at these moments, it's always a struggle to decide if he'd rather presume she was sleeping or awake. Still, as the curtain starts to come down Roa turns a bit to peer over her shoulder at the pale captain. "I just thought it could go around a little wider. It'll keep til tomorrow. You don't have to..." but he already is, so the weyrwoman lapses back into silence.
"Hush," Ashwin murmurs, stretching along to get at the last hook, and then letting the heavy fabric drop to the floor. "Goodbye," he continues, looking down to the pile of fabric on the ground. Then he steps across from the chair onto the bed, easing down onto his knees so he can kneel beside her, hands resting on his thighs, looking down.
She shifts, twisting a little bit so that she can more easily peer back, her gaze flicking over him. "I'm sorry," Roa whispers, "I didn't mean to..." she closes her eyes, shaking her head.
"You should be sleeping by now," he murmurs, twisting around, and flopping down onto his back, so he can lift his hips and slide out of the rest of his clothes. They drop to the floor, on top of the crumpled drapes, and he hauls aside the covers so he can climb in beside her. "S'late."
"Explain that to the bump," Roa murmurs wryly. As Ashwin comes under the covers, she scoots backwards a little to creep a bit closer to him. "I miss my feet."
One hand curves around her, cool but not cold, to rest on her stomach. "Be good to your mother," he murmurs into her hair, squeezing her slightly. "Let me check how they're doing." His feet hook underneath hers, long legs stretching out so he rests the tops of his feet under the bottoms of hers.
Her toes wiggle against the tops of his feet and she scoots again to line her back up against his chest and belly. "Feels like they're still there. Toes and all. I was wondering what kept holding me up."
"Reckon it's feet," he whispers, reaching up with his free hand to haul his pillows more securely under his head. "Got my schedules sorted out, so I can slip back tomorrow for an hour. Get the stuff set up for you myself."
She nods, her eyes closing and staying that way. "Thank you," and then in a tone that's at least halfway a tease, "I really could have managed. Felt nice, to be able to do something again."
"Don't want you managing," Ashwin replies. "Strain something, hurt yourself. You're too close for that, now. Won't be long."
"I know," Roa agrees softly, settling her hand over his. "I'll be good. Pretty close, I guess. Went fast."
Ashwin is quiet, fingers splaying underneath hers. "Pretty fast," he agrees quietly. "Got a good crib lined up?"
"Mmm," Her fingers rub over his knuckles. "Sort of a dark red wood. Pretty, I thought. You'll see it tomorrow. Rocking chair matches. Changing table and the press are a bit lighter."
"You in a rocking chair," Ashwin marvels, kissing her hair. "Looking forward to seeing that. You'll have a lap again by then." Another kiss. "He'll sleep here, it'll be good."
"I'm starting to think it's all a lie. My lap is gone forever." Roa's fingers curl around Ashwin's and squeeze. She's quiet for a few moments before she says with more solemnity, "I'm so afraid you're just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear. I really thought...will you tell me? How you'd thought it would go? Please?"
He's quiet as they breathe together, in and out, his breaths matching her more shallow ones. "I want you to hear everything you want to hear," he murmurs. "Always. I want you to have everything you want to have.”
"I just want to hear what's true," Roa replies gently. "I can't stand the idea I'm hurting you, and you're just pretending it's fine. And I think I am, and that you are."
"I just never slept in with mine," Ashwin murmurs, quiet. "Weyr's full of people who'll watch her, and if we kiss her and put her down every night, and come along to take her in the morning, don't think it'll hurt if it's a nanny has to hold her if she cries in the night. Didn't think. So many of the other children sleep there, they seem all right."
She's quiet again, thoughtful, as she studies the banking flames, the room covered in deepening shadows with only faint outlines visible against a soft orange glow. "Okay," Roa says after a long moment. "That's what we'll do, then."
His eyes are closed, his chin lifting so he can curl her in more closely against him, and rest it on top of her head. "No," he replies, not breaking the muted mood of the room with that quiet word. "We'll have him here. I'll steal my moments with you other times. Fun during the day, anyhow."
She shakes her head against the pillow. "That time means something to you. Something big. You said it should be all right. I just...there's not much that happened to me that can compare with normal. You say it's all right, then it is. It's what we'll do."
He rumbles, a soft, wordless sound of protest. "We've already decided, I don't want to talk about it. It means something, you know that. So we'll find that time."
"No," Roa corrects quietly, "we'll make it. Some nights, he'll sleep somewhere else. Sometimes, she'll sleep here. It'll be good."
"Maybe when he's older," Ashwin returns, tugging the covers up around his shoulder. "When he understands. Wouldn't want him confused."
"I'm crazy," Roa lifts her hand, and so lifts his, kissing his knuckles. "Things that went through my head don't go through anybody else's. When she doesn't stay at night, we'll get her in the morning. It'll be fine. She won't get confused."
"How do you know that? Better to just keep things even," Ashwin replies, turning his hand inside hers so the tips of his fingers can brush her lips. "If we're not sleeping, not getting our work done, we'll think again. I never cried, though."
"Not ever?" Roa asks with a small laugh. "I try and think of you as a baby. I think there was a lot of staring and putting things in your mouth." Her lips kiss his thumb. "Not about work or sleep. Something else. Let's try it your way. If it seems like she's having a hard time, we'll try something else."
"I still like staring," he replies, a hint of the private smile he keeps for her entering his voice. "And putting things in my mouth, if they're the right things." He's quiet as she kisses his thumb. "You're pregnant and irrational. Let me win this one, and go to sleep. I want my son where I can see him."
"What if you have a daughter?" Roa teases. "I noticed that. About staring and things in your mouth. And I'm still noisy all the time." She turns his hand over to kiss each knuckle in turn. "You're not allowed to pretend you're all right when you're not. Or that it's all right, when it's not. I know you."
"Have a daughter, want her right where I can see her," Ashwin replies promptly. "Get in practice for when she's older." He lets her kiss his knuckles in silence, and speaks quietly, the smile gone from his voice. "I want my family together, I thought about what you said. Don't need you to prove what I already know."
"We'll make time," she promises quietly against his knuckles. "I love you."
"Already know that," he replies, the breath going out of him slowly, as he settles for sleep. "You too, little thing."
"Going to be someone littler than me," Roa muses with a yawn, "You'll need to think up a new nickname."
"Or wait a couple of sevens," he replies, matching her yawn. "Go to sleep, you need rest, then tomorrow you can concentrate on growing my baby. Can't stop concentrating at the last minute, might forget the toes."
"Shut up," Roa laughs as she presses herself up against him. "It'll be at least a turn." She yawns, her tone going drowsy as she continues. "Won't forget the toes. Or the fingernails. Belly button..." and then she's breathing deeply, fingers still curled around his hand.