*squint*
Is anyone ever done with being confused? Please raise your hand!
No one? What a shock. *sigh*
Yes, confusion is life and life is confusion. Do we ever know where we're going, what we're up to, where we want to be, where we're heading, how we begin and end in the places we do? No. It's all this big jumble of confusion.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic. I am a very optimistic person... at times. I like to think of myself more as a realist, though my head is in the clouds a great majority of the time. I haven't quite figured how to remedy that, if I so wish to, which I don't.
Something has come more clearly to my attention recently. I do not value material possessions, with exceptions. I try so hard not to be materialistic, that I do not give very high importance to the material things that belong to me. But as I said, there are exceptions. I like to keep things organized and clean... with exceptions. My mind is a jumble most if not all of the time, so I find myself lost in thought, distracted by my personal philosophies, daydreams and ponderings, so that I really feel as though I have time for nothing else. I like to keep my CD's in as pristine condition as possible and hate when people borrow them. I like to keep things shiney, but I lack the initiative to keep things maintained. If I could be anywhere, I would be in a very simple, medium to large studio apartment with a couple choice big comfy couches and a big comfy, inviting bed, shelves on the walls to keep things out of the way, huge kitchen with lots of counter space so I can cook and bake to my li'l hearts content, brand new dishes that I can keep in good condition... It's funny. I actually love to keep things in their original coming-out-of-the-box condition and it disturbs me greatly when things get scratched up and lose their initial usefulness. I especially hate when people misuse stick-free pans.
People are frustrating, especially when you have NO idea what they're thinking. But then again, it's a challenge, because you discover how badly you want to know that person based on how hard you try to get to know them, to get in their heads, to see what makes them happy or what makes them tick. You realize that you watch them closer, their mannerisms, the way they react to a certain behavior, the way the treat others, what they love, what they love to repeat, who they choose to associate with, how they choose to entertain themselves... all sorts of interesting things. I have two such people in my life right now who give me a little, but not a lot, one more than the other. One will discuss things with me privately, will keep me in the loop and tell me what's going on. The other will barely allow me to glimpse what he's thinking. We'll call them Person A and Person B. Person A is a genuinely nice guy, who I have most recently determined is that best friend that everyone should have. He's a guy that will do anything for his friends. There are not enough guys like him in the world. Person B is also a genuinely nice guy, but very 'close-door'. He likes to stand in front of his door and only open it for things he needs. He won't allow you in, and barely allows you to strain to glimpse in when he does open it. And yet, for some reason, this is why I want to get to know him better. What I learn from others about his life growing up, from his relationships with others, from how he treats people that he's with, he's a very genuine, kind and loyal person. However, that's what he wants you to see. That is not all of him. I think that he's that way as a self-preservation tactic. I'm that way until I feel I can trust people. He's that way to a far larger degree.
This is my personal evaluation of people. You don't know a person, inside and out, until you see them angry, sad, depressed, ecstatic, goofy and selfless. It has become very important for me to see all these qualities in my friends. I want to see Person A and Person B on their dark days when they're raving angry. I want to see them cry. I don't want to create these circumstances, I just want to be around when they happen. It is only then that people let their guard down and allow people in. But there is an element that must be considered.
Trust. If they don't trust you, they won't allow you in. You must develop trust, deep trust, to get in. And you must be a trust-worthy person to develop this quality.
My friends are my family. I've been burnt in the past, and tend not to trust people right away, if at all. But once you have my trust, I'm as loyal as I can be. If you burn me, don't expect to get my respect ever again. I don't forgive easily, unfortunately.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I make an art of studying people and I'm a consistant work in progress.
No one? What a shock. *sigh*
Yes, confusion is life and life is confusion. Do we ever know where we're going, what we're up to, where we want to be, where we're heading, how we begin and end in the places we do? No. It's all this big jumble of confusion.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic. I am a very optimistic person... at times. I like to think of myself more as a realist, though my head is in the clouds a great majority of the time. I haven't quite figured how to remedy that, if I so wish to, which I don't.
Something has come more clearly to my attention recently. I do not value material possessions, with exceptions. I try so hard not to be materialistic, that I do not give very high importance to the material things that belong to me. But as I said, there are exceptions. I like to keep things organized and clean... with exceptions. My mind is a jumble most if not all of the time, so I find myself lost in thought, distracted by my personal philosophies, daydreams and ponderings, so that I really feel as though I have time for nothing else. I like to keep my CD's in as pristine condition as possible and hate when people borrow them. I like to keep things shiney, but I lack the initiative to keep things maintained. If I could be anywhere, I would be in a very simple, medium to large studio apartment with a couple choice big comfy couches and a big comfy, inviting bed, shelves on the walls to keep things out of the way, huge kitchen with lots of counter space so I can cook and bake to my li'l hearts content, brand new dishes that I can keep in good condition... It's funny. I actually love to keep things in their original coming-out-of-the-box condition and it disturbs me greatly when things get scratched up and lose their initial usefulness. I especially hate when people misuse stick-free pans.
People are frustrating, especially when you have NO idea what they're thinking. But then again, it's a challenge, because you discover how badly you want to know that person based on how hard you try to get to know them, to get in their heads, to see what makes them happy or what makes them tick. You realize that you watch them closer, their mannerisms, the way they react to a certain behavior, the way the treat others, what they love, what they love to repeat, who they choose to associate with, how they choose to entertain themselves... all sorts of interesting things. I have two such people in my life right now who give me a little, but not a lot, one more than the other. One will discuss things with me privately, will keep me in the loop and tell me what's going on. The other will barely allow me to glimpse what he's thinking. We'll call them Person A and Person B. Person A is a genuinely nice guy, who I have most recently determined is that best friend that everyone should have. He's a guy that will do anything for his friends. There are not enough guys like him in the world. Person B is also a genuinely nice guy, but very 'close-door'. He likes to stand in front of his door and only open it for things he needs. He won't allow you in, and barely allows you to strain to glimpse in when he does open it. And yet, for some reason, this is why I want to get to know him better. What I learn from others about his life growing up, from his relationships with others, from how he treats people that he's with, he's a very genuine, kind and loyal person. However, that's what he wants you to see. That is not all of him. I think that he's that way as a self-preservation tactic. I'm that way until I feel I can trust people. He's that way to a far larger degree.
This is my personal evaluation of people. You don't know a person, inside and out, until you see them angry, sad, depressed, ecstatic, goofy and selfless. It has become very important for me to see all these qualities in my friends. I want to see Person A and Person B on their dark days when they're raving angry. I want to see them cry. I don't want to create these circumstances, I just want to be around when they happen. It is only then that people let their guard down and allow people in. But there is an element that must be considered.
Trust. If they don't trust you, they won't allow you in. You must develop trust, deep trust, to get in. And you must be a trust-worthy person to develop this quality.
My friends are my family. I've been burnt in the past, and tend not to trust people right away, if at all. But once you have my trust, I'm as loyal as I can be. If you burn me, don't expect to get my respect ever again. I don't forgive easily, unfortunately.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I make an art of studying people and I'm a consistant work in progress.