i have no proper sense of time
here it is, just approaching two am and i am wide awake!
the downside of working in the line of coffee. i was a bit sleepy when at work, so boom come the espresso shots. i cant fathom the thought of bed right now...so here's what has kept me amused for the past few hours:
-i looked at everyone's myspace accounts, and was disinterested.
-i read 7 months of back messages on my old fordham account, which, amazingly, is still activated. i guess everyone's realized by now that i don't use that email anymore.
-ive listened to the drunk people laughing in the streets.
-ive dissected my weekend, and decided that i am now in the market for an attitude-lift. i have a nasty attitude, and it needs to change, like, now.
-i daydreamed (nightdreamed?) about derek for a good while. lordy, i miss him now.
i kinda wish i had another account for my super duper private thoughts. i may create one before my caffeine high dwindles.
can i just say that i have the best boy in the world. and that i need to realize that more? i'm too lucky to have him in my life, and i really don't deserve such a wonderful person taking care of me. but i'll take him. any day of the week. i can't really stand anyone else. he amuses me, keeps me (almost!) sane, and offers me unconditional love. derek is the greatest. ever. everevereverever. i want to drive over to his house and climb up to the window and sneak in. i want to curl up around him, and hug him, and never let go. except for bathroom breaks, because then things could get weird. i miss his snoring, his smile, his eyes, and that spot on his chest where i fit quite nicely. i miss his touch, his voice, his kiss. i miss laughter, and never ever wanting to leave when the night is ending. i've gotten too used to climbing into my car, into bed, and not feeling my heart visibly break. it doesn't mean i've begun loving you any less, it just means i've established a rhythm, and have begun loving you even more. i've grown expectant of text messages, phone calls, and goodbyes. i trust the fact that you will be waiting for me to let you know that i've gotten home. i trust that you will see me tomorrow, or in the coming days.
this all isn't making sense to me, what i've just written. maybe its because i'm growing sleepy.
okay: synopsis of the last paragraph.
i love you so so so so so so much babe. please keep me, keep me at your side, keep me alive, keep me in your thoughts, keep me in your heart. never keep me at an arms length, or upon a pedestal. you're the only person i can even fathom spending all time with.
Bright Eyes' Nothing Gets Crossed Out makes sense right now.
"I'm not as strong as I thought. So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope you'll pick me out. Oh how I long to be found. The grass grew high. I laid down. Now, I wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. I have been laying so low, don't want to lay here no more. I don't want to lay here no more."
I want to make change, but its so hard to focus.
I exercised for a full thirty minutes today. I searched for a job. I am going to find somewhere to live. I am going to escape my financial hell. I will love you like you have only dreamed. I've been given opportunity to live a great life. Let me embrace it. Let me make it work.
Let's make something great.
the downside of working in the line of coffee. i was a bit sleepy when at work, so boom come the espresso shots. i cant fathom the thought of bed right now...so here's what has kept me amused for the past few hours:
-i looked at everyone's myspace accounts, and was disinterested.
-i read 7 months of back messages on my old fordham account, which, amazingly, is still activated. i guess everyone's realized by now that i don't use that email anymore.
-ive listened to the drunk people laughing in the streets.
-ive dissected my weekend, and decided that i am now in the market for an attitude-lift. i have a nasty attitude, and it needs to change, like, now.
-i daydreamed (nightdreamed?) about derek for a good while. lordy, i miss him now.
i kinda wish i had another account for my super duper private thoughts. i may create one before my caffeine high dwindles.
can i just say that i have the best boy in the world. and that i need to realize that more? i'm too lucky to have him in my life, and i really don't deserve such a wonderful person taking care of me. but i'll take him. any day of the week. i can't really stand anyone else. he amuses me, keeps me (almost!) sane, and offers me unconditional love. derek is the greatest. ever. everevereverever. i want to drive over to his house and climb up to the window and sneak in. i want to curl up around him, and hug him, and never let go. except for bathroom breaks, because then things could get weird. i miss his snoring, his smile, his eyes, and that spot on his chest where i fit quite nicely. i miss his touch, his voice, his kiss. i miss laughter, and never ever wanting to leave when the night is ending. i've gotten too used to climbing into my car, into bed, and not feeling my heart visibly break. it doesn't mean i've begun loving you any less, it just means i've established a rhythm, and have begun loving you even more. i've grown expectant of text messages, phone calls, and goodbyes. i trust the fact that you will be waiting for me to let you know that i've gotten home. i trust that you will see me tomorrow, or in the coming days.
this all isn't making sense to me, what i've just written. maybe its because i'm growing sleepy.
okay: synopsis of the last paragraph.
i love you so so so so so so much babe. please keep me, keep me at your side, keep me alive, keep me in your thoughts, keep me in your heart. never keep me at an arms length, or upon a pedestal. you're the only person i can even fathom spending all time with.
Bright Eyes' Nothing Gets Crossed Out makes sense right now.
"I'm not as strong as I thought. So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope you'll pick me out. Oh how I long to be found. The grass grew high. I laid down. Now, I wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. I have been laying so low, don't want to lay here no more. I don't want to lay here no more."
I want to make change, but its so hard to focus.
I exercised for a full thirty minutes today. I searched for a job. I am going to find somewhere to live. I am going to escape my financial hell. I will love you like you have only dreamed. I've been given opportunity to live a great life. Let me embrace it. Let me make it work.
Let's make something great.