Lawl
SO I slept for four hours.
I got the letter from Britty (<333) and now I'm actually trying to decide what to do.
I guess mom's really depressed about T leaving.
I really do wonder why she does the things she does.
She's depressed, but yet, she continues to go to Steve's house.
It got me thinking..
Me and my mother are actually really, really alike. Except I'm so much more different for so many more reasons.
I pondered this for awhile, and I wonder, why am I different? I wonder these things all the time. It's hard to ever come up with a decent conclusion, you know.
Is it because of inner personality? I'd like to think so. That unmapped area in our DNA, the one part that one couldn't explain.
Then I think of who and what was around to change some habits. As far as some of my tendency for a little optimism, well that's attributed towards influence from Britty, Laura, Cory, etc, etc, etc. But I've known personally that for a serious pessimist, I'm not so much pessimistic. I'm just very 'aware' of the here and now. I'll call it as I see it, regardless of how I feel. I'm the bearer of bad news, and people, alot of times, call me pessimistic because I bring in the dead body to the Christmas party. Lol.
Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help that. I've seen enough in my short life to say something, no matter who likes it. Even I stumble an have to rearrange my thought process, no one's completely untouchable in that aspect. But when the time comes I'll let the unwanted be known, and I don't give a damn about who's there to here it.
I've been a manipulator, I've been the victim, I've been the odd-end out, I've been the popular one, and damn sure the unpopular one. The loser, the winner, the loner, the 'other' side of things. It's not much of an experience. But It's good for insight I guess.
But see, my mother, she just.. Repeats her actions, over and over, and I get to thinking the definition for insane.
I think my mother really is losing her mind. Kinah messaged me about her starting up smoking, saying I need to come home, she's happier when I do. Three wars went off at once. Lmfao.
Well, that's a lie really. I figured I would, she is my mother, and we are doing better towards each other. It was just like..
One: Why did she let him walk out?
Two:Why did she cause him to walk out?
Three: Why does she repeat these actions?
The last time he walked out I had to drive her home because she was trashed, talking in a drunk stupor about how she had no fucking clue what she's doing with life. As If I didn't know. Still, it was.. Akward to hear her say that.
Although don't get a wrong picture from my mother. She's been raising children since thirteen, and she succeeded for eighteen years so far. Nineteen soon. Five children. She works with decent pay without an HSD, and she makes as much money as some WITH an HSD. She has her license, she pays her bills, she does what she needs to. Don't get it twisted, I'll still fuck someone up all kinds of ways, forms, through realities and portals and universes for talking about my mother. I'm the only one who has the right to do that, and that's the end of it. It's simply because no one knows my mother, that -I- know, as much as I do.
I don't look towards some days I know are to come, and will force me back home. That will be hard. I see what's going on with Grandma Karen and Grandma Wanda.
She's doing chemo, Grandma Wanda.
See, my Grandma Wanda, Is the 'Witch' of the family. I think every family needs a Grandma Wanda.
When my GREAT, GREAT Grandma was pregnant with Grandma (technically great grandma) Wanda, she was in an accident. I believe a car accident. There was some damage to the head, from what I know. Or was it when she was pregnant with Grandma Wanda?
Okay, to be honest, I have nfi what 'exactly' happened. Family's cryptic about it. Just like everything else. We should have a clan motherfucking library.
Regardless, she's never been normal. She didn't get past 2nd grade in school from what she told me. She's a little.. Off the wall. >>;
She however managed to make it this far. She pays her damn bills, she works, she does her math, she's keen, and deep down a very good woman.
Of course, I may see the better side because I'm her favorite. That's been well known throughout the Welser clan for a long time. Lol.
She's known as a 'Witch' because one day Andrew got pissed and called her a witch. I just sat there and watched him run while eating ice cream as Grandma Wanda chased him throughout the house and finally outside. I just watched and smiled. Lmfao. Good times, good times.
She'd always whoop the others and she's never whooped me as far as I can remember. She's a little looney though, I remember we wouldn't stfu, so she got duct tape and taped our mouths shut. Lol. The family had a big deal made out about that one. I say get over it. It's duct tape. If I saw chains and a sex swing, we'd have some fucked up problems. e.e;
Regardless I was her favorite, and she's fuggin' nuts. It's not her fault though, and I love her to death. But now It's been found she has cancer. She's getting chemo. It's horrible. I heard of moments I won't dare to explain because It's.. Uncomfortable, but I heard she reacted really badly. Everyone goes 'well, you were smoking so much, it was bound to happen, blah blah blah', and I think It's fucked up.
Of course, yes, I said that too, but not in the tone everyone else did. I said 'Well, I saw it coming. It was a matter of time', but not in an 'All well bitch!' tone.
I mean, you don't do that shit. When someone's going to fucking DIE, who has some mental issues, you don't say 'All well', especially since she's one of the ONLY elders of the family.
We have a five-generation family as of now. Which is amazing, and rare throughout any family. Our clan is young.
And fucking nuts.
Alcoholics, crackheads (most former, some current. Lol), and severe anger issues, and chemical dependancy issues. In my family, if you're not addicted to booze, drugs, or nicotine, you'll be addicted to Energy drinks and caffeine. Guaranteed.
As for me, if my kid smokes, I'll beat the brakes off of them. If they're like.. Seventeen, I won't bother. There's no fuckin' point.
Drugs won't be allowed to happen either. If they're eighteen, sure. But I can't let it happen for a couple reasons.
One: I have a thing for good girls, so if I'm married, chances are It's a good girl, IE Britty, and she couldn't handle us smoking pot in the house and lighting up a cigarette. She probably wouldn't even know wtf to say. Lmao. I won't do it around her, not even at all for that matter.
Two: I don't want that set in early. If our family has a chemical dependancy problem, then my child is gonna be fucking hooked on caffeine and sugar. God knows that's way better than, say, CRACK!
I'm gonna go to bed.
Tired.
I got the letter from Britty (<333) and now I'm actually trying to decide what to do.
I guess mom's really depressed about T leaving.
I really do wonder why she does the things she does.
She's depressed, but yet, she continues to go to Steve's house.
It got me thinking..
Me and my mother are actually really, really alike. Except I'm so much more different for so many more reasons.
I pondered this for awhile, and I wonder, why am I different? I wonder these things all the time. It's hard to ever come up with a decent conclusion, you know.
Is it because of inner personality? I'd like to think so. That unmapped area in our DNA, the one part that one couldn't explain.
Then I think of who and what was around to change some habits. As far as some of my tendency for a little optimism, well that's attributed towards influence from Britty, Laura, Cory, etc, etc, etc. But I've known personally that for a serious pessimist, I'm not so much pessimistic. I'm just very 'aware' of the here and now. I'll call it as I see it, regardless of how I feel. I'm the bearer of bad news, and people, alot of times, call me pessimistic because I bring in the dead body to the Christmas party. Lol.
Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help that. I've seen enough in my short life to say something, no matter who likes it. Even I stumble an have to rearrange my thought process, no one's completely untouchable in that aspect. But when the time comes I'll let the unwanted be known, and I don't give a damn about who's there to here it.
I've been a manipulator, I've been the victim, I've been the odd-end out, I've been the popular one, and damn sure the unpopular one. The loser, the winner, the loner, the 'other' side of things. It's not much of an experience. But It's good for insight I guess.
But see, my mother, she just.. Repeats her actions, over and over, and I get to thinking the definition for insane.
I think my mother really is losing her mind. Kinah messaged me about her starting up smoking, saying I need to come home, she's happier when I do. Three wars went off at once. Lmfao.
Well, that's a lie really. I figured I would, she is my mother, and we are doing better towards each other. It was just like..
One: Why did she let him walk out?
Two:Why did she cause him to walk out?
Three: Why does she repeat these actions?
The last time he walked out I had to drive her home because she was trashed, talking in a drunk stupor about how she had no fucking clue what she's doing with life. As If I didn't know. Still, it was.. Akward to hear her say that.
Although don't get a wrong picture from my mother. She's been raising children since thirteen, and she succeeded for eighteen years so far. Nineteen soon. Five children. She works with decent pay without an HSD, and she makes as much money as some WITH an HSD. She has her license, she pays her bills, she does what she needs to. Don't get it twisted, I'll still fuck someone up all kinds of ways, forms, through realities and portals and universes for talking about my mother. I'm the only one who has the right to do that, and that's the end of it. It's simply because no one knows my mother, that -I- know, as much as I do.
I don't look towards some days I know are to come, and will force me back home. That will be hard. I see what's going on with Grandma Karen and Grandma Wanda.
She's doing chemo, Grandma Wanda.
See, my Grandma Wanda, Is the 'Witch' of the family. I think every family needs a Grandma Wanda.
When my GREAT, GREAT Grandma was pregnant with Grandma (technically great grandma) Wanda, she was in an accident. I believe a car accident. There was some damage to the head, from what I know. Or was it when she was pregnant with Grandma Wanda?
Okay, to be honest, I have nfi what 'exactly' happened. Family's cryptic about it. Just like everything else. We should have a clan motherfucking library.
Regardless, she's never been normal. She didn't get past 2nd grade in school from what she told me. She's a little.. Off the wall. >>;
She however managed to make it this far. She pays her damn bills, she works, she does her math, she's keen, and deep down a very good woman.
Of course, I may see the better side because I'm her favorite. That's been well known throughout the Welser clan for a long time. Lol.
She's known as a 'Witch' because one day Andrew got pissed and called her a witch. I just sat there and watched him run while eating ice cream as Grandma Wanda chased him throughout the house and finally outside. I just watched and smiled. Lmfao. Good times, good times.
She'd always whoop the others and she's never whooped me as far as I can remember. She's a little looney though, I remember we wouldn't stfu, so she got duct tape and taped our mouths shut. Lol. The family had a big deal made out about that one. I say get over it. It's duct tape. If I saw chains and a sex swing, we'd have some fucked up problems. e.e;
Regardless I was her favorite, and she's fuggin' nuts. It's not her fault though, and I love her to death. But now It's been found she has cancer. She's getting chemo. It's horrible. I heard of moments I won't dare to explain because It's.. Uncomfortable, but I heard she reacted really badly. Everyone goes 'well, you were smoking so much, it was bound to happen, blah blah blah', and I think It's fucked up.
Of course, yes, I said that too, but not in the tone everyone else did. I said 'Well, I saw it coming. It was a matter of time', but not in an 'All well bitch!' tone.
I mean, you don't do that shit. When someone's going to fucking DIE, who has some mental issues, you don't say 'All well', especially since she's one of the ONLY elders of the family.
We have a five-generation family as of now. Which is amazing, and rare throughout any family. Our clan is young.
And fucking nuts.
Alcoholics, crackheads (most former, some current. Lol), and severe anger issues, and chemical dependancy issues. In my family, if you're not addicted to booze, drugs, or nicotine, you'll be addicted to Energy drinks and caffeine. Guaranteed.
As for me, if my kid smokes, I'll beat the brakes off of them. If they're like.. Seventeen, I won't bother. There's no fuckin' point.
Drugs won't be allowed to happen either. If they're eighteen, sure. But I can't let it happen for a couple reasons.
One: I have a thing for good girls, so if I'm married, chances are It's a good girl, IE Britty, and she couldn't handle us smoking pot in the house and lighting up a cigarette. She probably wouldn't even know wtf to say. Lmao. I won't do it around her, not even at all for that matter.
Two: I don't want that set in early. If our family has a chemical dependancy problem, then my child is gonna be fucking hooked on caffeine and sugar. God knows that's way better than, say, CRACK!
I'm gonna go to bed.
Tired.