Wishes
Have you ever regretted a wish you made? Why/what happened?
When I was in high school, my biggest wish was that Caleb Fuller would finally notice me. He was my biggest crush, but I was painfully shy back then - still am, in a lot of ways - and never had the courage to talk to him. I thought he was gorgous and funny, and even though he wasn't the school hunk or anything, he had a measure of popularity I didn't think I could compete with.
I hadn't given him much thought since then, had gone on with my life, dated other guys, even fallen in love once or twice. And then, a few months ago, there he was. I think seeing him when I wasn't expecting it only made the impact of it more devastating. He's even more beautiful now, and not just on the outside. He's a great guy, a great friend. And yes, he is my friend now. Which is wonderful, yet also extremely painful. Because, despite all the years that have passed, I'm still completely in love with him. Even more so now that I know him and know what a good heart he has. But there's nothing I can do about it because he's mortal and I'm not. It would never work. He would never be safe with me. And what kind of relationship would that be, anyway? I can only go out at night, I can't eat or drink (except for blood, which I would never do around him), I'll never age or have kids or any of the other mundane things people do when they fall in love and decide to share a life. Because I don't have a life. I have an existance that hangs endlessly in limbo.
So do I regret my wish coming true? Mostly, yes, I do. Even though I'm grateful to have him as my friend, I know he can never be more. And I know that, eventually, I will have to watch him grow old and die, just like everyone else I love. The pain of that far outweighs any pleasure I might get now from his friendship.
When I was in high school, my biggest wish was that Caleb Fuller would finally notice me. He was my biggest crush, but I was painfully shy back then - still am, in a lot of ways - and never had the courage to talk to him. I thought he was gorgous and funny, and even though he wasn't the school hunk or anything, he had a measure of popularity I didn't think I could compete with.
I hadn't given him much thought since then, had gone on with my life, dated other guys, even fallen in love once or twice. And then, a few months ago, there he was. I think seeing him when I wasn't expecting it only made the impact of it more devastating. He's even more beautiful now, and not just on the outside. He's a great guy, a great friend. And yes, he is my friend now. Which is wonderful, yet also extremely painful. Because, despite all the years that have passed, I'm still completely in love with him. Even more so now that I know him and know what a good heart he has. But there's nothing I can do about it because he's mortal and I'm not. It would never work. He would never be safe with me. And what kind of relationship would that be, anyway? I can only go out at night, I can't eat or drink (except for blood, which I would never do around him), I'll never age or have kids or any of the other mundane things people do when they fall in love and decide to share a life. Because I don't have a life. I have an existance that hangs endlessly in limbo.
So do I regret my wish coming true? Mostly, yes, I do. Even though I'm grateful to have him as my friend, I know he can never be more. And I know that, eventually, I will have to watch him grow old and die, just like everyone else I love. The pain of that far outweighs any pleasure I might get now from his friendship.