back to write and update things!
well it seems i have once again dropped off from keeping anything and everything updated. it figures with things like this.
normal will journal protocol:
1) get journal
2) write first page stating that i suck at keeping it up to date, but this time i will REALLY do it
3) write for approximately 3 weeks
4) 2 year gap
5) come back and start writing with entry saying how crap i am
well, now that that's done i can get on with things.
i'm getting bored of doing things for others... like going out of my way to do things - not your house is on fire with a baby inside 'that sucks' tired. what is the bloody point anyway?? no one really seems to go out of their way to even acknowledge i've done anything, so then why do it? i gouss i have always maintained that even if someone doesn't come out and say/do anything, that doesn't mean they don't appreciate it... but is that really just a bunch of bull shit?
i seem to have lots of bull shit things that i do that i have always known were bull shit, but did anyway without accepting they indeed really WERE bull shit, which they were. i guess this has all come together because i have finally put together all the horrible parent footage of my wedding onto a dvd and realised that all my old dvd projects, which are infinitely better mind you, are chilling on a medium that will crap out in a few months - since DVDs are only built to last for 4 - 5 years; bastards. so now i need to copy them... in theory. but do i want to? what, like i really want to see me senior video i had to make in HS for a course that was full of me trying to fool my own self into thinking what my life and "friends" were like?
the saddest part of all is that i know i am the same person i was then, i just was too weak to express myself and had no confidence to do so. what's captured, only to painfully well, is either this precise thing, or, worse, me pretending to be something else. but, even when it is pretending, it still seemed to be me. and are the 'friends' i had in those videos REALLY my friends when it is not me they know? and what do i do STILL for these people who don't even bother responding to anything i do for them in 2008?
on the bright side - i typed this all in DVORAK woo hoo! my typing speed is getting better, but it still does not compare to how fast i can do QWERTY... damn that is a lot more difficult to type on this thing!!
normal will journal protocol:
1) get journal
2) write first page stating that i suck at keeping it up to date, but this time i will REALLY do it
3) write for approximately 3 weeks
4) 2 year gap
5) come back and start writing with entry saying how crap i am
well, now that that's done i can get on with things.
i'm getting bored of doing things for others... like going out of my way to do things - not your house is on fire with a baby inside 'that sucks' tired. what is the bloody point anyway?? no one really seems to go out of their way to even acknowledge i've done anything, so then why do it? i gouss i have always maintained that even if someone doesn't come out and say/do anything, that doesn't mean they don't appreciate it... but is that really just a bunch of bull shit?
i seem to have lots of bull shit things that i do that i have always known were bull shit, but did anyway without accepting they indeed really WERE bull shit, which they were. i guess this has all come together because i have finally put together all the horrible parent footage of my wedding onto a dvd and realised that all my old dvd projects, which are infinitely better mind you, are chilling on a medium that will crap out in a few months - since DVDs are only built to last for 4 - 5 years; bastards. so now i need to copy them... in theory. but do i want to? what, like i really want to see me senior video i had to make in HS for a course that was full of me trying to fool my own self into thinking what my life and "friends" were like?
the saddest part of all is that i know i am the same person i was then, i just was too weak to express myself and had no confidence to do so. what's captured, only to painfully well, is either this precise thing, or, worse, me pretending to be something else. but, even when it is pretending, it still seemed to be me. and are the 'friends' i had in those videos REALLY my friends when it is not me they know? and what do i do STILL for these people who don't even bother responding to anything i do for them in 2008?
on the bright side - i typed this all in DVORAK woo hoo! my typing speed is getting better, but it still does not compare to how fast i can do QWERTY... damn that is a lot more difficult to type on this thing!!