(no subject)
This is my new livejournal. I needed to start over..I figure I am starting a new chapter in my life Saturday so might as well start a new livejournal!
tonight I said goodbye to the sun..and realized how alone I am..even if I am surrounded by 20 people..I am still alone inside
I wish me and myself did more things.. I want to start new hobbies..start planting things..being in the sun..riding my bike more..writing poems..because that is the quickest and most eloquent way to capture my thoughts
I don't know how to handle the world..and people don't know how to handle me..I dont know how to handle people..
people are constantly thinking. and about what? we're all in our own heads..we all make calculations and judgements..and I think we all pretend..I think we're just creatures forced to pretend
I think I have tendencies to be conceited but it isn't intentional and I hate it. I used to look at myself and hate what I see..and though I still linger over my flaws..I am okay with myself in the mirror..so I guess I just spend too much time looking at myself..trying to see how I can make myself look because now it's fun..
But im not ashamed of it. I hate feeling ashamed. And what is worse then feeling ashamed is when someone else tries to make you feel that way when you have no reason to feel so..and people always tell me you only feel ashamed when YOU make yourself feel ashamed..which is true..or you only feel bad about something when you intentionally went against your nature..no one can make you feel a certain way because you control your emotions..but people can hella impact your emotions
haters gonna hate. its whatever
I love donnie darko..and I love the 80s..I want to load up on all the classic 80s..tears for fears..smiths..journey..and blast it in my apartment and submerse myself into another time. I have a feeling that I am about to get extremely lonely and meet alot of new people at the same time. I want to start going to school so that I can at least feel like I am learning something other than how to grill shrimp. That is another thing..working around seafood is getting less and less disgusting and Im not sure how to feel about this..I have absolutely no desire to eat any of that shit but its kinda instilled in me now..Im so used to it that it doesnt gross me out..some people would say that I am not a true vegetarian or whatever but honestly..I only want to control my own life..and choices..and not anyone else's. So I am not going to spite somebody for their diet but I am not going to change my beliefs either..I just try to be neutral..but I still am one angry mother fucker.
this new phase in my life is going to be something
I cant wait for Oly kids to arrive! It is so weird saying that..its been how long a year and a half almost but it still doesnt fit.
tonight I said goodbye to the sun..and realized how alone I am..even if I am surrounded by 20 people..I am still alone inside
I wish me and myself did more things.. I want to start new hobbies..start planting things..being in the sun..riding my bike more..writing poems..because that is the quickest and most eloquent way to capture my thoughts
I don't know how to handle the world..and people don't know how to handle me..I dont know how to handle people..
people are constantly thinking. and about what? we're all in our own heads..we all make calculations and judgements..and I think we all pretend..I think we're just creatures forced to pretend
I think I have tendencies to be conceited but it isn't intentional and I hate it. I used to look at myself and hate what I see..and though I still linger over my flaws..I am okay with myself in the mirror..so I guess I just spend too much time looking at myself..trying to see how I can make myself look because now it's fun..
But im not ashamed of it. I hate feeling ashamed. And what is worse then feeling ashamed is when someone else tries to make you feel that way when you have no reason to feel so..and people always tell me you only feel ashamed when YOU make yourself feel ashamed..which is true..or you only feel bad about something when you intentionally went against your nature..no one can make you feel a certain way because you control your emotions..but people can hella impact your emotions
haters gonna hate. its whatever
I love donnie darko..and I love the 80s..I want to load up on all the classic 80s..tears for fears..smiths..journey..and blast it in my apartment and submerse myself into another time. I have a feeling that I am about to get extremely lonely and meet alot of new people at the same time. I want to start going to school so that I can at least feel like I am learning something other than how to grill shrimp. That is another thing..working around seafood is getting less and less disgusting and Im not sure how to feel about this..I have absolutely no desire to eat any of that shit but its kinda instilled in me now..Im so used to it that it doesnt gross me out..some people would say that I am not a true vegetarian or whatever but honestly..I only want to control my own life..and choices..and not anyone else's. So I am not going to spite somebody for their diet but I am not going to change my beliefs either..I just try to be neutral..but I still am one angry mother fucker.
this new phase in my life is going to be something
I cant wait for Oly kids to arrive! It is so weird saying that..its been how long a year and a half almost but it still doesnt fit.