(no subject)
Im so lost lonely and bored. I wish I had a guitar..and a good mood every once in a while..
Its like..feeling even the best..always dies..and you start to wonder when anything will be okay.
Its like one day the sunset is enticing..and the next it passes you by...
life is so mysterious..im flooded with so many emotions..so many desires..so many questions and yet I see no point.
Its like we spend our lives trying to find a point to it all..a means to an end..a final destination that is satisfactory..but it never comes..were still left wondering..
and all you have is what you love..is what you FEEL..is what you BELIEVE..and memories..
and that should be enough and when it isnt..well what the fuck do you do then?
I could never imagine taking myself out of this world..but I can never see myself..being okay with just existing..because I have so many questions about my existence..that I just cant get past.
I feel depressed and clinically so. I am physically unmotivated..mentally unmovitated and emotionaly suffocated.
I have nothing to be sad about yet I just have this overwhelming sense of anxiety
even the smallest thing will trigger it..like thinking about how many people I pass on any given day and will never talk to..never know..nothing
We live in such close proximities to so many different people functioning extactly the same..yet we are so unimportant to eachother
but I dont care to know everyone..but its overwhelming thinking about how many lives are being lived at once. What are these lives we live? Geez.
I feel like I am alone in how I feel. I feel like when I look at people's faces everyday they are robots..programmed to be okay with everything..oblivious..and I am the one who has the questions..the concerns..God its such a lonely thing.
Even when you find someone you are bonded to .. its still so easy to get lost in yourself..
I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and it freaks me the FUCK OUT. I am looking at MYSELF. what is MYSELF. I will only ever be myself..and when I completely HATE myself..it is the worst feeling in the world.
And I feel like I measure my self-worth with other people's opinions. And that is BULLSHIT.
but honestly, my life would suck without you. I hate to quote a fucking Kelly Clarkson song but it just played and that line makes sense.
My life would suck without those I love..