However.You.May.Think.Everything.I.Do.Is.For.You

[roadrunnerreeka]

I know this doesn't mean much to anyone or doesn't mean anything at all to anyone, but it means the world to me. I feel I've finally found someone that makes me feel like I have meaning to this world. I've never been so happy in my life as I have been for the past 3 months or so. I know there are times that I fight with depression, but it's only because I suffer with unbalanceness. Deep within me, I couldn't ask for more in my life than what I have now, with Dustin. He has given me so much meaning to waking up. I just wish I could show him how much he does for me. But I feel that I'm just a let down to him most of the time. I don't live to his expectations and I don't have much confidence in myself. Again, that's probably why I'm a let down to myself as well. All I know is I've never been this in love with someone before. I know it's just the beginning and the beginning of everything is always the best, but I'll do anything to keep everything perfect. I could see a future with Dustin, I'm just afraid he may not see everything as I do. That's the painful part of life. People always see everything differently. All I know is that I'm enjoying every minute of my life these days. I couldn't ask for more. It's strange how one person could change everything. Since I was 13, the only thing I ever wanted was out. I wanted out of Louisiana. I wanted to find something that I didn't think I would ever find here. Yet, I'm 21 years old and I've found it through the most beautiful person I've ever met. He is so pure and rare, something I didn't think existed here. Everything in my life has changed, I don't care where I go, what I'm doing as long as I do it with him. I could stay here and everything would be fine...who would have EVER thought that I would ever change my mind about moving? No one, I'm sure because that is all I have ever dreamed of. It was only because I wanted to find happiness. But I've found it in me and Dustin has showed me how. I wake up just to know that he will be there to make me smile. I'm making this public because I want the world to know just how much my life has changed and how much Dustin means to me. I don't believe in fate, but I believe that everything in your life is already written for you, you just have to reach that point through every choice that is brought upon you. If it wasn't for me seeing Jennifer at the mall and her telling me about a position at her job and me in the process at that moment looking for a job, I wouldn't have met Dustin. Thanks Jennifer. It's like the choices you make in life, lead you to discover another part of yourself. When you finally feel love, it's the greatest feeling ever. It's like a feeling so hard to truely feel, but when you feel it, you know it's real. The smile he gives me is so real, I don't think I've ever smiled and felt like I've ever meant it. So, to anyone who reads this, I am so in love. I hope everyone gets the chance to feel it. I'm just so lucky to have found him. I just want to give him the world and show him happiness that he's never had. Life is beautiful, especially when you have someone as beautiful as him. I love you, Dustin. I honestly do. I would never do anything to hurt him, intentionally. I only want to spend my life sharing it with him. He is my everything. He is my Counting Crows. He is the biggest part of my heart, something I never wanted to give to anyone because I didn't think I could just let someone have so much power over me. But when someone makes you feel the way he makes me feel, you can't help but let everything go. He actually cares enough to want to get to know me. He knows when something bothers me. He knows when I'm upset. He knows when I'm not telling the truth. And that means so much to me that I could just cry because NO ONE has ever wanted to try to understand me or get to know me in that way. No one ever cared enough to look passed me trying to hide who I really am. I was always told that no one would ever understand me, but I'm trying my hardest to get Dustin to because he's the only person I really want to understand me. I doubt there's better than him out there. For that, I'm so fucking lucky to have him. I'm not afraid anymore. He's changed my life and all my goals. He's been the one for me. I just want to make him happy. I want to show him the world.

All I have to do, is just look at how happy he makes me and I know I'm safe.

i.love.you.dustin.paul.jock.

"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you"~311