I Did It! And it sucked.........
I made it final. Jason and I are broken up. Let me explain: He doesn't love me the way I need to be loved. It's that simple. But I ignored what he was saying for two years and only heard what I wanted to hear. Yes he should have broken up with me, but it doesn't matter now because we did it together as weird as it could be. I cried and he was there for me. He didn't take advantage of the situation and he's being a great friend.
In all honesty I knew he didn't love me a year in but I kept rationalizing it to myself because I love him so much. So really I've been going through the emotions of a break-up for a year now. I've been miserable for the last three months.
I really wanted to work things out. We'd make a really really really great couple but you can't force people to love you.
In the good news, I feel hopeful for my future in a way I never was in our relationship. I wasn't mature in our relationship, I didn't communicate. I lost a wonderful person but he had his failings too that led to this.
I know in my heart that even if we met when we had both grown up, maybe at 26 it still wouldn't work out. I'd probably be married, and he'll probably still be working through relationships.
I really believe he'll find a girlfriend, he's wonderful. But at the same time I think he'll sabotage them. It's just the crazy side of me trying to cope but I believe he'll come back and say he misses me. The rational part of my brain laughs and says, who's ever come back? Who's ever been attracted to you at the same time you were attracted to them???
Above all this is good. I need to make myself a confident person. I put too many burdens on an emotionally stunted guy, and then pushed him for affection. I need to appreciate me before I could ever have a steady relationship.
This all sounds like crazy emotionally break-up girl, but I feel good. Like there's hope for me, hope that wasn't there with Jason. We were just in bad places for a real relationship and now I can be me, learn to like me and be confident, AND this next time, I'm letting the guy do allllll the work.
I did everything with Jason. He was worth it but I tend to push too much. I started talking to him in class, I asked him to hang out, I asked him to be my boyfriend, I kissed him, I got him flowers and gifts, I broke up with him. I was the man in the relationship, and you know what? I would like to be chased. I think I deserve to be chased. I won't leave it entirely up to the guy, I'll help him along, but I want to feel wanted like Jason couldn't show me because I got there first. I also know that from many of the men I've talked to it's very emasculating to have the girl do EVERYTHING and that men enjoy chasing and asking out women. So I'll just let what happens happen.
I'm heartbroken over the loss of someone so wonderful. I really am. If you push the right buttons I'll cry really badly. But I feel happy and hopeful.
Sadder still, this hasn't entirely hit me yet I think. I changed the Facebook status which to me usually signals "THE END" but I don't feel like crying yet. It'll probably happen tomorrow at work. I love to complain! Uhhhh....so much writing. But when I'm depressed I seek attention in weird ways. Just watch out, if I'm coming after you, I'll probably want to drown you in my boring complaints about my now past relationship. So if you don't want to hear Jason as every other word coming out of my mouth, you probably shouldn't answer your phone.
In all honesty I knew he didn't love me a year in but I kept rationalizing it to myself because I love him so much. So really I've been going through the emotions of a break-up for a year now. I've been miserable for the last three months.
I really wanted to work things out. We'd make a really really really great couple but you can't force people to love you.
In the good news, I feel hopeful for my future in a way I never was in our relationship. I wasn't mature in our relationship, I didn't communicate. I lost a wonderful person but he had his failings too that led to this.
I know in my heart that even if we met when we had both grown up, maybe at 26 it still wouldn't work out. I'd probably be married, and he'll probably still be working through relationships.
I really believe he'll find a girlfriend, he's wonderful. But at the same time I think he'll sabotage them. It's just the crazy side of me trying to cope but I believe he'll come back and say he misses me. The rational part of my brain laughs and says, who's ever come back? Who's ever been attracted to you at the same time you were attracted to them???
Above all this is good. I need to make myself a confident person. I put too many burdens on an emotionally stunted guy, and then pushed him for affection. I need to appreciate me before I could ever have a steady relationship.
This all sounds like crazy emotionally break-up girl, but I feel good. Like there's hope for me, hope that wasn't there with Jason. We were just in bad places for a real relationship and now I can be me, learn to like me and be confident, AND this next time, I'm letting the guy do allllll the work.
I did everything with Jason. He was worth it but I tend to push too much. I started talking to him in class, I asked him to hang out, I asked him to be my boyfriend, I kissed him, I got him flowers and gifts, I broke up with him. I was the man in the relationship, and you know what? I would like to be chased. I think I deserve to be chased. I won't leave it entirely up to the guy, I'll help him along, but I want to feel wanted like Jason couldn't show me because I got there first. I also know that from many of the men I've talked to it's very emasculating to have the girl do EVERYTHING and that men enjoy chasing and asking out women. So I'll just let what happens happen.
I'm heartbroken over the loss of someone so wonderful. I really am. If you push the right buttons I'll cry really badly. But I feel happy and hopeful.
Sadder still, this hasn't entirely hit me yet I think. I changed the Facebook status which to me usually signals "THE END" but I don't feel like crying yet. It'll probably happen tomorrow at work. I love to complain! Uhhhh....so much writing. But when I'm depressed I seek attention in weird ways. Just watch out, if I'm coming after you, I'll probably want to drown you in my boring complaints about my now past relationship. So if you don't want to hear Jason as every other word coming out of my mouth, you probably shouldn't answer your phone.