DEATH TO SLATER
It's 4am and I'm watching Saved By The Bell.
Why the hell am I doing this?
It's about a girl.
It's not always about a girl, but when it is I usually only obsess over the insignificant points in a relationship, becuase I'm so sure of my overall feelings. I just wrote 2 huge essays here about it, and subsequently deleted them because they meant nothing. I finally realized that the real problem is that I'm either too afraid to admit to myself that I love her, or that I'm too ignorant to know what love truly is. Up until now I was sure that I didn't know what love is, so it never really presented a problem. I was always so sure that one day I would find love and that everything would be fine. I always thought that truly loving someone meant that you truly knew it. This is the big picture that before now has always been so seemingly clear to me. Only now has it confused me. Either way I can't say that I love her. I can't say it to myself and I can't say it to her. Mainly because it scares be, but also because she has recently left, not to return for another 7 months.
So am I afraid or still completely ignorant? It looks like right now the answer is both. I'm left in the same position I've been in all day and this has solved nothing.
It's 5am and I'm watching Saved By The Bell.
Why the hell am I doing this?
Why the hell am I doing this?
It's about a girl.
It's not always about a girl, but when it is I usually only obsess over the insignificant points in a relationship, becuase I'm so sure of my overall feelings. I just wrote 2 huge essays here about it, and subsequently deleted them because they meant nothing. I finally realized that the real problem is that I'm either too afraid to admit to myself that I love her, or that I'm too ignorant to know what love truly is. Up until now I was sure that I didn't know what love is, so it never really presented a problem. I was always so sure that one day I would find love and that everything would be fine. I always thought that truly loving someone meant that you truly knew it. This is the big picture that before now has always been so seemingly clear to me. Only now has it confused me. Either way I can't say that I love her. I can't say it to myself and I can't say it to her. Mainly because it scares be, but also because she has recently left, not to return for another 7 months.
So am I afraid or still completely ignorant? It looks like right now the answer is both. I'm left in the same position I've been in all day and this has solved nothing.
It's 5am and I'm watching Saved By The Bell.
Why the hell am I doing this?