RP: Questions

[rar_bill]

Date: 4 September 1998
Characters: Bill Weasley, Hermione Granger, Fleur if she'd like
Location: Shell Cottage
Status: Private
Summary: Classes have started and Professor and Student chat.
Completion: Complete

Well, that had certainly been eventful. Bill could see what Professor McGonagall was concerned for - in nearly all his classes the Slytherins

Comments

[rar_hermione]

When Bill moved to crouch in front of her, she was surprised. He was talking about being her friend, and it was somewhat overwhelming. Not that he considered her a friend, necessarily, but their obvious concern and frank discussion. Normally, she was able to talk bluntly about things and didn't have such difficulty acknowledging her concerns. With this, though, she still felt ashamed, in a way, and blamed herself for getting caught.

He squeezed her hand then, and she tensed at the unfamiliar touch against her skin. She pulled her hand away as subtly as she could, telling herself that this was just Bill and that he was safe. She looked at him and shook her head slightly.

"I don't want to speak to a Healer about this," she said quietly. "I don't even want to speak to my best friends, so I certainly don't want to share such personal information with a stranger at this time. As for your attack, it was random. You were there and he attacked, just like with Lavender. It's not exactly the same as being hunted, followed, and then taken with an intention of being forced to..." She trailed off and scratched her arm, looking at the floor as she took a moment to collect her thoughts.

[rar_fleur]

"And zat is why you need to talk about it, Hermione," Fleur said softly. "Per'aps not with us but someone. There are people who have been through worse things. I will not tell you ozzerwise. I will tell you zough, exactly what I told Bill. If I, or any of your friends, were feeling ze way you feel now, would you not tell me or any of zem to take whatever 'elp zere was to fix what felt wrong? You are very brave. You need to find your bravery for zis and see ze 'ealer. Ozzerwise zese theengs may become habit and be much 'arder to break ze longer you wait." Fleur hoped her friend would either talk to them or see a healer. She could not force her though.

[rar_hermione]

"It isn't that easy, Fleur. I wish I was, but it's not for me," she told her honestly. "I finally talked to Harry, a little, on Friday, and it's the first time that I've really wanted to even try. I was lucky, and I know that, so I'm trying to keep going and not dwell on things that can't be changed."

She tugged on the hem of her shirt and thought about what they were saying, but she didn't think she was ready to talk about that night. If she was, though, she didn't know who she'd talk to. Harry and Ron wouldn't want to hear, and she wouldn't make them go through that, anyway. They'd been through enough already.

"It was my fault," she murmured, staring at the floor as she frowned, thinking about that day and how stupid she'd been. "The boys told me to be careful, that I was at risk, and I thought they were just being paranoid."

[rar_bill]

Bill had stood and moved back a bit at Hermione's words, stung because she was both right, and not right. True, she'd been targeted, but impersonal an attack or not, being attacked was nothing to take lightly. Fleur's gentle voice washed over him, and he watched her try to get through to Hermione, who was wound tight at the conversation centering around her.

"Stop that." He said when she began talking, almost to herself. "You can't blame your self, even if you were at fault. It was a mistake, pure and simple, and a painful one. Which is pretty rotten, but nothing you can't come back from. Sure, take your time, but don't forget that we're here to help you." He looked at Fleur, a touch of sadness in his gaze. "I didn't get help until after I already hurt those I care about. I'd hate to see you make the same mistake." He'd always regret saying such awful things to Fleur, and hurting his mum's feelings. They were small compared to what Hermione was likely feeling, but it didn't change the fact that the consequences were far reaching.

[rar_hermione]

She sighed, wishing it was as easy as just saying to stop it, but she knew it wasn't or she'd already be back to normal. Talking to Harry on Friday had helped a little, yet she didn't think it would do any good to discuss what had happened that day. It wouldn't change anything, except making people look at her differently. She didn't want that, especially when she had enough of it from strangers.

"You're infected," she pointed out quietly, glancing up at Bill and Fleur. "We've just determined this evening that I'm not, so there won't be any of the anger or, uh, randy behavior." She shifted again but didn't looked away. "I'd never do anything to hurt Harry and Ron. They're my family, and I don't want them to be upset. It's why I won't talk to them about what happened, not that I want to think about it at all."

[rar_bill]

"I was infected for a long time before I lost control." He said just as quietly. "It wasn't the infection that started it, it was....what did he call it? Battle trauma. Which you've in spades, not to mention specifically targeted towards you." He signed, and ran a hand over his hair. "Have you asked them what they think and feel about it? Maybe they'd like to talk about it. Are you giving them the chance, or are you making the decision for them?"

[rar_hermione]

"I don't have to ask them, Bill. I've known them since they were eleven. We've been through more together than anyone can imagine. They're boys who don't like talking about emotional things, and, no, that's not me making decisions for them. If they ask me, I'd talk. I'd never lie to them or avoid discussing something important if they wanted."

She bit her lip and thought about everything they said, torn between apologizing and returning home or trying to talk in the hope that it might make things better, even if she didn't see how it logically could. "I don't think I have that battle trauma," she said. "I'm not exactly sure what it was, but I've not had a lot of trouble adjusting after the war finally ended. If anything, I was relieved because the boys lived. I did, too, but they were my priority. I don't think it's traumatic that I survived after months of assuming that I wouldn't."

[rar_fleur]

"Let me ask you zis instead. Is eet so bad zat one or two people know zat you feel guilty because you did not listen to your friend's advice? Zat you are vulnerable just like ozzers who are targeted or ozzers who are random victims? Yes, 'ermione, you could have been more careful about your safety. Zis does not make ze attack your fault anymore zan ignoring what is bozzering you will make it go away."

Fleur sighed, "I am very good at using work and keeping busy to avoid 'aving to deal with things I do not know 'ow to 'andle. I could 'ave died zis summer because I could not find the words to explain to Bill how badly I was 'urt. I knew I was not well, but Madam Pomfrey 'as shown me my charts, she did not 'ide 'ow ill I was. I am very angry at myself for not saying 'ow it effected me even if I still do not know 'ow I could 'ave fixed it. Maybe 'ad I said, someone could 'ave 'elped sooner. Eet is not ze same, but eet is not so different either. Bill was 'urting and I did not know 'ow to 'elp 'im and I felt bad worrying about myself when all of ze ozzers 'ad so many more problems."

"Eet all seems simple to me. Eet will cost you nozzing to try to talk to someone. Maybe you prefer a stranger. Maybe someone you know. If not Bill or me, zen someone else. You tell zem everytheeng beginning to end. You say what happened. You say 'ow it made you feel. You say what makes you angry and makes you afraid now. You say why you theenk eet is stupid to feel ze way you do. You say what you would do differently and what you would do ze same. Zen you see if you feel better. Maybe you do. Maybe you do not. Zen you see if you weesh to 'ear what ze ozzer person 'as to say in return. Maybe you do not need zem to talk. Only to listen. Maybe zere ideas might 'elp. You will not know unless you try."

[rar_hermione]

Hermione listened to Fleur and paid attention. She did respect Bill and Fleur a lot, even if she didn't necessarily feel comfortable discussing something so personal with them right now. It was silly, possibly, considering Fleur had helped her bathe. After seeing her naked and bruised, nothing she had to say would be surprising or shocking.

Still, she hesitated. She didn't know if it would be easier to talk to a complete stranger, to someone she trusted, or to no one at all. Maybe she should go to a Muggle bookshop and find a book on this sort of thing. If she could read about, then maybe she could begin to understand and make sense of how she felt. While she doubted it would be that easy, a book might help, if only to give her knowledge about this situation. She felt even more frustrated sometimes because it was so unknown and confusing to her.

"Thank you for the advice, Fleur," she said sincerely. "Bill, thank you for speaking to me about something so personal. I wouldn't have asked if it hadn't been weighing on my mind as the full moon approached."

She stood up and glanced at the clock. She hadn't been there too long, but she'd taken up enough of their time, especially considering that she still didn't really know what to do or how to make herself better. "I appreciate you allowing me to visit and discuss this," she told them. "I should get home, though, or the boys might start to worry."

[rar_bill]

Bill simply said, "You're welcome." He had a sinking feeling she was going to ignore their advice, irregardless, and he signed a bit, walking her to the door.

"Our home is always open to you, Hermione. And same goes with my office at Hogwarts. Anything, anytime, ok?" He gave her a small, somewhat sad smile and watched as she apparated out.