I'm afriad of loosing my Meridith
Only my Meridith isn't a person it's a lot more than that. This is such a transitional period of my life and I am not quite sure how to feel. I want to move out but I sit here alone in my home and realize I hate being alone not only hate it but fear it as well. How could I ever think I could live in my own house by myself all the time. I did it in Sweden yet I still had people (my corridor mate) who live with me kinda. The life I have lived so far has been safe everything planned out, everything secure, now I'm lost...completely lost. I becoming an adult and I don't know if I can. I think I like to travel so much because it makes me forget about all my fears, because to me it's an escape from reality. I think that's why I have been looking to move (out of SD that is). I guess I feel if I'm in a different city things will be different. Maybe I will feel more secure or maybe find more happiness, or what I am supposed to do. What got me thinking about this was looking through old pictures. Some from middle school, high school and college. The people for the most part have stayed constant and I like that, but one picture got me. It was a picture of me and a "boy" at that moment in that picture we looked so happy. Two weeks later we were no longer happy. I look at that picture now two years later and find myself missing that happiness not with him obviously but that happiness that I once felt. I don't know if I am able to feel that again. I don't even know if that is what is meant for me. I know everyone says it comes when your not looking for it but, it's not what I want to hear. I feel I am so confidant in myself and know I am a great and fabulous person but at the same time my insecurities eat me up inside. I don't know what happen to myself. I was never insecure and now I find myself more insecure than a 13 year old boy going through puberty. Not just insecure about where I'm going but who I am and everything. Meanwhile I got stung by a wasp today.