[communications] [Tina's quarters]

[rn_chapel]

Damn. It was time. Tina had gone to pull on one of her minidress uniforms, and the middle had gotten all bunched up over her belly in a way that made it pretty goddamn obvious what was under there. She'd already started wearing the pants unbuttoned and held together with a safety pin when she had on the tunic and trousers variant. She needed to

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[headnursechapel]

Christine arrived in Rec Room 4 a few minutes early. As she'd hoped, it was nearly empty. Not that she planned to break down crying, or do anything else that she'd rather have privacy for. But she still felt...safer, here, than she might have in the mess hall. She'd have to talk to Captain Kirk, and Spock, again eventually, but she wasn't quite ready to face the possibility of running into them without warning.

Tina's suggesting a rec room was a little unusual. She might have simply wanted a change, or avoid the more crowded mess herself - she was far enough in her pregnancy that she'd start showing, soon, and Christine could certainly understand her wanting to avoid curious stares.

Or she might have suggested it for Christine's benefit. Christine didn't know how Tina could know what had happened with Spock...but then, it seemed everyone had known a lot more than she'd been aware of, lately.

At any rate, she was here now, and Tina wasn't, yet. Christine found a small table near the windows and settled into one of the chairs.

[rn_chapel]

It was something between wanting a change and knowing that Christine would have good reasons to want a less-public place to talk that prompted Tina's suggestion. The mess hall was pretty well-designed so that one could have a conversation while eating, but you never forgot that you were surrounded by tables full of other people.

Christine was already there when she arrived, so Tina went to join her at the table she'd chosen.

"Hey there," she said. She leaned over to give her counterpart a hug before sitting down across from her. "How are you?"

[headnursechapel]

"Tina." Christine reached up to return the hug. "I'm all right." She wasn't, but she was loath to bring up her own issues, especially right away.

She watched with a slight smile as Tina gingerly lowered herself into the chair, letting out a blissful sigh as she got off her feet.

"She's letting you know she's there, isn't she?"

[rn_chapel]

"Oh yeah," Tina said. "My feet aren't doing that swelling up thing yet, really, but it's only a matter of time."

She opened a container that she'd picked up at the galley on her way and pulled out plates and wrapped sandwiches. "I brought some real food, in case you don't want to chance a replicator lunch. Smoked turkey."

[headnursechapel]

"Oh, that sounds wonderful," Christine said, not without a hint of relief. Not that the replicated food was bad, exactly, but...she'd been eating a lot of it lately.

She glanced at Tina as they unwrapped their sandwiches, studying her face. The younger nurse looked tired, but, Christine supposed, that was only to be expected.

"How are you feeling?" she asked gently. "Dr. McCoy's not working you too hard, is he?" She smiled as she said it; McCoy pretended to rule Sickbay with an iron fist, but they both knew him well enough not to be fooled.

[rn_chapel]

"I'm good," Tina said. And she was, mostly. The morning sickness had tapered off, and the conversation with Jim had helped a lot on the uncomfortable interpersonal front. She smiled back. "And gosh, no. I almost wish he would. He keeps trying to get me to take time off."

She bit into her sandwich. Mmm, protein.

"So," she said, after she'd chewed and swallowed. "I wanted to see you because I like you and we haven't spent much time together lately. But also because of the weirdness with James, and because I heard that you had a date with Spock, and people are worried about you."

Tina was much better at blunt than at polite, really. She'd learned social niceties after long study, but getting to the point always came so much more easily.

"If you don't want to talk about either of those things, that's fine. I just want you to know you can. But if you'd rather discuss work or a vid you saw recently or whatever instead, I won't pry."

[headnursechapel]

Christine had picked up her sandwich, but she stilled at Tina's words, listening quietly as she held it above her plate.

"Oh," she said, uselessly, and was silent.

"I didn't mean to make anyone worry," she said at last. She'd worried, herself, about what everyone else knew, about what they might think of her. But she hadn't considered that they'd be worried about her.

She couldn't quite bring herself to say I'm fine, though, and try to assure Tina that everything was all right.

[rn_chapel]

"Of course you didn't. But you have friends who care about you, and we're good at worrying even when you don't intend it," Tina said, with a gentle touch of humor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She concentrated on her sandwich, giving Christine time to gather her thoughts.

[headnursechapel]

Christine took a bite of her own lunch, buying herself a moment to think. She really hadn't wanted to talk about Spock or James or any of it, but now that Tina had brought it up, now that it was hovering in the air between them, continuing the pretense that everything was normal seemed impossible.

She put her sandwich down, and sighed.

"I don't know what to say," she confessed. "I was so happy, and now I just feel like...I've been foolish. And like everyone knows." She knew it was ridiculous, that most people had no reason to know or care anything about her life, but she couldn't help feeling like everyone she met was giving her looks of either pity, or incredulity that she had been so blind for so long.

She smiled sadly down at her plate.

"Mostly I've been wishing the whole thing would just go away."

She kept replaying everything - the date with Spock, the conversation with Kirk - over and over in her head, feeling more embarrassed and miserable about it every time. And she couldn't seem to make herself stop.

[rn_chapel]

A very well-developed capacity for embarrassment seemed to be a consistent trait among Christine Chapels. Tina nodded sympathetically as Christine spoke.

"I can understand that. I've had some moments like that lately, myself. And I know that if I reassure you that it could have happened to anyone, and no one thinks less of you, and not very many people even know, it won't be any easier to believe it." She frowned. "Is there anything that I can do that would help? I can listen if you just want to talk it all out. Or distract you. Whatever you need."

[headnursechapel]

Christine smiled softly at Tina. "You're a good friend, Tina," she said.

And sighed, shaking her head.

"I don't know what there is to say," she said. "I was blind. I let myself be blind. And...now everything's different." Or at least, her perception of it finally was. "It hurts, and it's going to keep hurting for a while."

"But it does help," she added, reaching across the table to squeeze Tina's hand, "just to have the offer. Just to know that people care."

[rn_chapel]

Tina squeezed back. "I do. We do. You have lots of friends. But, yeah, probably the only thing that will really help is time."

She squeezed Christine's hand again. "And ice cream. And maybe movie marathons. And shoe shopping."

[headnursechapel]

Christine laughed. "Those heels will ruin your feet," she said affectionately. "And I fell asleep during the last movie night, right on the couch." She shook her head at herself.

She sobered as she looked back at Tina. "I know things will get better," she said. "It's just difficult to believe it sometimes, from here."

"But I'm getting through it."

[rn_chapel]

Tina nodded, and tried to think of a less-fraught topic to shift to. Fortunately, Christine's teasing about her shoes reminded her of the ridiculous pair Len had replicated.

"So have you seen Len recently?" she asked. "Since the banana incident, I mean."

[headnursechapel]

Christine shook her head. "No," she said. She hadn't seen much of anyone recently, but she had seen Len's Livejournal post, as well as his profuse apologies - both to her and to the ship in general - afterwards.

"He sent me dying roses," she said, "and...said something about bananas?"

[rn_chapel]

Tina laughed. "He ate a banana that was somehow laced with, essentially, MDMA. Got higher than a kite. Bill and De found him and dragged him into sickbay, eventually, where he showered me with glitter while I examined him. As weird accidents on board go, it was one of the most harmless we've had yet. And funniest."