(no subject)
I went and saw my godson on Monday, and when I did that, I went back to the town I grew up in and graduated from high school in (my mom has since moved about 10 miles away). Anyway, of course, one of the things his mom (who graduated in my class) and I do is catch up on all the gossip that her mom has and we don't get since we're both away at school. My point (and I do have one) is that it seems that all of the current gossip is about who's come out of the closet. I guess this girl from my class left her husband for a woman, this kid two years behind me who everyone thought was gay finally came out, and this girl who I personally think is a big old dyke or possibly transgender is buying a house with her boyfriend. There are a few pregnancies too. Anyway, I was there with Manda (mother of my godson), her boyfriend, her mom, her dad, my mom, my sister, and me. It was a little awkward. Everyone there knows that I'm gay, with the possible exception of Manda's boyfriend. It was just weird because right as Manda's mom told us all this, it dawned on everyone in the room that I was the topic of gossip at one time because I came out. Of course, I came out while I was still in high school, so that contained the gossip a little because I beat everyone to the punch before they could speculate.
When I heard that these people came out, I felt this sense of gay brotherhood and pride or something, and for everyone else, it was just a point of interest. It was weird, because I could feel the gulf between the queer and the straights in that moment. No one in the room was judging or anything, but I knew that they could never understand the courage it took for those kids to come out in the same way that I understand. Manda could understand what it's like to be a topic of gossip, because she was that when she got pregnant with CJ. So she and I bonded on that level. Still, it was just a weird experience and it reminded me that, no matter what I like to believe, I will always be an outsider in that town because being gay still means something there. I guess it means something everywhere, but I am much more successful at forgetting that when I'm surrounded by the dirty liberals and hippies and there aren't many of them that stay in Hebron. The people who are cool with the gays tend to get the hell out of dodge immediately following high school.
I remember how it was the summer I was living there and dating a woman. I could feel it when we were out in public, and I really don't think it was paranoia. Sometimes we would go to this ice cream place owned by a gaggle of lesbians, and there was the feeling of gay brotherhood. Other places it was awkward, even if we were with people who were cool with it. I guess it's hard to describe, but it threw me to feel that again now that I usually feel that I've assimilated being gay into my larger personality. When I was in Hebron, it took over again and felt like the biggest part of me. I thought that would change with time, but I guess the change was in location and not within me myself.
When I heard that these people came out, I felt this sense of gay brotherhood and pride or something, and for everyone else, it was just a point of interest. It was weird, because I could feel the gulf between the queer and the straights in that moment. No one in the room was judging or anything, but I knew that they could never understand the courage it took for those kids to come out in the same way that I understand. Manda could understand what it's like to be a topic of gossip, because she was that when she got pregnant with CJ. So she and I bonded on that level. Still, it was just a weird experience and it reminded me that, no matter what I like to believe, I will always be an outsider in that town because being gay still means something there. I guess it means something everywhere, but I am much more successful at forgetting that when I'm surrounded by the dirty liberals and hippies and there aren't many of them that stay in Hebron. The people who are cool with the gays tend to get the hell out of dodge immediately following high school.
I remember how it was the summer I was living there and dating a woman. I could feel it when we were out in public, and I really don't think it was paranoia. Sometimes we would go to this ice cream place owned by a gaggle of lesbians, and there was the feeling of gay brotherhood. Other places it was awkward, even if we were with people who were cool with it. I guess it's hard to describe, but it threw me to feel that again now that I usually feel that I've assimilated being gay into my larger personality. When I was in Hebron, it took over again and felt like the biggest part of me. I thought that would change with time, but I guess the change was in location and not within me myself.