(no subject)
Oh hi, ignored journal. It's been awhile.
Where did I leave off last? My last entry was probably circa Christmas time. Now it's sunny and green and beautiful, but my endless summer is sadly coming to a close. At least its been an amazing summer, right? I've been juggling with good and bad karma these past few months. The good definitely outweighs the bad. Everything and every day starting after graduation has felt so endless, despite having a curfew. I'll be moving in 2 weeks, and for whatever reason the reality of that hasn't hit me yet. I can barely do my own laundry, let alone live by myself. Soon I'll have to worry about grades again, and meeting new people, and finding a job. Oi vey. I know I'm so unprepared for all of this. My biggest fear is that I'll crash-and-burn in Montreal. I haven't been 'all by myself' since probably grade 11, and that was brutal. The feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize that you're totally alone is so dreadful. The desperation I remember feeling in grade 11 went away quickly mainly because of the environment. I was surrounded by literal brick walls, beside kids with minds only as complex as their homework. The protection of RNS was enough to be a crutch for a little while. Everyone there wants to be your parent, which seems sort of creepy now upon reflection... Did RNS screw me over? I'm still the same insecure girl I was back then, but I developed some bad habits along the way. Why do all the most important journeys you take have to be alone? I honestly can't believe that I'm moving on. Should I be excited? Everyone seems to be excited for me. I don't know whether I feel empty or terrified. I think I just need to hold someones hand.
Where did I leave off last? My last entry was probably circa Christmas time. Now it's sunny and green and beautiful, but my endless summer is sadly coming to a close. At least its been an amazing summer, right? I've been juggling with good and bad karma these past few months. The good definitely outweighs the bad. Everything and every day starting after graduation has felt so endless, despite having a curfew. I'll be moving in 2 weeks, and for whatever reason the reality of that hasn't hit me yet. I can barely do my own laundry, let alone live by myself. Soon I'll have to worry about grades again, and meeting new people, and finding a job. Oi vey. I know I'm so unprepared for all of this. My biggest fear is that I'll crash-and-burn in Montreal. I haven't been 'all by myself' since probably grade 11, and that was brutal. The feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize that you're totally alone is so dreadful. The desperation I remember feeling in grade 11 went away quickly mainly because of the environment. I was surrounded by literal brick walls, beside kids with minds only as complex as their homework. The protection of RNS was enough to be a crutch for a little while. Everyone there wants to be your parent, which seems sort of creepy now upon reflection... Did RNS screw me over? I'm still the same insecure girl I was back then, but I developed some bad habits along the way. Why do all the most important journeys you take have to be alone? I honestly can't believe that I'm moving on. Should I be excited? Everyone seems to be excited for me. I don't know whether I feel empty or terrified. I think I just need to hold someones hand.