Book of Dave Review Written in Mockney
From Guardian Unlimited (It helps to read it out loud)--
JUN 523 AD (dating from the discovery of the Book of Dave): Carl Dévúsh debouched into the moto wallows. Should ve go 2 ve Ferbiddun Zön?
- We have to, said Antonë Bom in perfect Arpee. Because there we will find the second Book of Dave.
- Pleath don urt me, whispered the moto as ve Daddies and ve opares started ve flensing. Ve mummies stud 2 1 syde as it wuz na ye Chanjova dá. The Lawyer and the Driver paraded Carl and Antonë before the Hamstermen.
- All Fliars R sent frum ve Geezer an mus suffah on ve Weel.
DECEMBER 2001: Dave Rudman powered his cab left up Park Lane, round Marble Arch and up towards Hampstead.
- I fuckin ate foreigners, posh twats an most of all I ate Chell, he thought. Ow dar she na le mí C Carl.
SEP 509: - Eye'v sussed ve nu way, said Symun. Ve Book of Dave wot prevents mummies an daddies livin togevver iz wrong. E l8ta rote anuvver book wich sed mummies an daddies mus B togevver.
- Shu ya chavvish mouff, replied ve Driver. Ve Book of Dave is ve Nolidj.
JUNE 1987: Michelle couldn't forgive Cal for treating her so badly as she rode home. She looked at the driver. He was a bit fat, bit bald but nice enough. The next January she turned up on Dave's doorstep, seven months pregnant.
KIPPER 522 AD: - Ware R we goin? asked Carl.
- Nu Lundun, replied Antonë.
- Y?
- Coz sumfinks go 2 appun.
AUGUST 2002: Dave sat down next to Fukka Funch at the Fighting Fathers meeting.
- Is no rí vat ve courts av stopped mí goin neer Chell an Cal's gaff. U no wo? Lass ní I wen an berried a buk Ive rittun in vere gardun so a least Carl mite 1 da no wot I feel. Chanjovadays? My arse.
MAR 523 AD: It was the third tarrif and the headlight was fullbeam as Carl and Antonë made their way along the Emwun into New London.
- I still doan no wot were doin, Carl moaned.
- U mus na ask questions, whispered Antonë. Vis iz ment 2 B a cleva satyre on receevd relidjun in a post- apoclpytic Ingerlund.
- I wurkd vat 1 aht donkeys ago. But weres ve storí?
- Vere isunt 1. U R just men 2 B dazzled by ve ventwilkwism.
FEBRUARY 2003: Dave was detoxing from the Seroxat and the Zopiclone.
- Ah must av bin aht of mí ed wen I berried vat rant in ve gardun. Now I doan even mind vat much that Carl iz Cal's sun, an na myne.
- You could write to Carl explaining to him what you really feel now, said Antony Bohm, Dave's psychiatrist.
JUN 524 AD:
- Ere we R bak on Ham, said Carl. An veyve killd all ve motos.
- Vey dun it coz Symun the Geezer wuz ur Dad, replied Antonë. It's ve en ov uz fliars. Dävism is now ve onlee Dävinanity.
OCTOBER 2003: Cal, Carl and Chell gathered around Dave's graveside.
- Maybe we should bury his letter near to his rant, Cal said.
- Whateffa, Carl laughed. Ahm gonna B a lawyer not a cabby. Sides snot Dave's Will, It's Will's Dave.
JUN 523 AD (dating from the discovery of the Book of Dave): Carl Dévúsh debouched into the moto wallows. Should ve go 2 ve Ferbiddun Zön?
- We have to, said Antonë Bom in perfect Arpee. Because there we will find the second Book of Dave.
- Pleath don urt me, whispered the moto as ve Daddies and ve opares started ve flensing. Ve mummies stud 2 1 syde as it wuz na ye Chanjova dá. The Lawyer and the Driver paraded Carl and Antonë before the Hamstermen.
- All Fliars R sent frum ve Geezer an mus suffah on ve Weel.
DECEMBER 2001: Dave Rudman powered his cab left up Park Lane, round Marble Arch and up towards Hampstead.
- I fuckin ate foreigners, posh twats an most of all I ate Chell, he thought. Ow dar she na le mí C Carl.
SEP 509: - Eye'v sussed ve nu way, said Symun. Ve Book of Dave wot prevents mummies an daddies livin togevver iz wrong. E l8ta rote anuvver book wich sed mummies an daddies mus B togevver.
- Shu ya chavvish mouff, replied ve Driver. Ve Book of Dave is ve Nolidj.
JUNE 1987: Michelle couldn't forgive Cal for treating her so badly as she rode home. She looked at the driver. He was a bit fat, bit bald but nice enough. The next January she turned up on Dave's doorstep, seven months pregnant.
KIPPER 522 AD: - Ware R we goin? asked Carl.
- Nu Lundun, replied Antonë.
- Y?
- Coz sumfinks go 2 appun.
AUGUST 2002: Dave sat down next to Fukka Funch at the Fighting Fathers meeting.
- Is no rí vat ve courts av stopped mí goin neer Chell an Cal's gaff. U no wo? Lass ní I wen an berried a buk Ive rittun in vere gardun so a least Carl mite 1 da no wot I feel. Chanjovadays? My arse.
MAR 523 AD: It was the third tarrif and the headlight was fullbeam as Carl and Antonë made their way along the Emwun into New London.
- I still doan no wot were doin, Carl moaned.
- U mus na ask questions, whispered Antonë. Vis iz ment 2 B a cleva satyre on receevd relidjun in a post- apoclpytic Ingerlund.
- I wurkd vat 1 aht donkeys ago. But weres ve storí?
- Vere isunt 1. U R just men 2 B dazzled by ve ventwilkwism.
FEBRUARY 2003: Dave was detoxing from the Seroxat and the Zopiclone.
- Ah must av bin aht of mí ed wen I berried vat rant in ve gardun. Now I doan even mind vat much that Carl iz Cal's sun, an na myne.
- You could write to Carl explaining to him what you really feel now, said Antony Bohm, Dave's psychiatrist.
JUN 524 AD:
- Ere we R bak on Ham, said Carl. An veyve killd all ve motos.
- Vey dun it coz Symun the Geezer wuz ur Dad, replied Antonë. It's ve en ov uz fliars. Dävism is now ve onlee Dävinanity.
OCTOBER 2003: Cal, Carl and Chell gathered around Dave's graveside.
- Maybe we should bury his letter near to his rant, Cal said.
- Whateffa, Carl laughed. Ahm gonna B a lawyer not a cabby. Sides snot Dave's Will, It's Will's Dave.