its a long ass one, but read every single word, or else, j/k
its a long ass one, but read every single word, or else, j/k
hey so yeah today sucks, too im massively depressed, and kept recounting times when liz and i were alloed to be together, and kept being so sweet about liz talkin to trish last night, that i was crying, and almost made her cry too. Im tryin as hard as i can to be understanding, but i havent been able to really sleep at all, and i havent eaten anything for about three days. the funny thing is im not hungry. my parents are worried im gonna die, but i doubt it, my body is a lot more resilient than that. Its wierd though, i used to eat more when i was depressed, now i can eat at all. when i do sleep though (a whole two hours, max, lol). I hear a certain person's voice in my dreams, and can almost feel her there, and its even more depressing waking up and realizing it was just a dream. i mean WTF, is god laughing at both of us? I swear god if youre listening, now would be a good time to help, liz, myself and her parents. Please help liz to find herself, please help this time to go by faster, because each day feels like an eternity, and please help her parents to be more understanding, and to actually learn what love is. I know everybody in this has their issues. I dealt with mine, and i just want everyone else to deal with theirs. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. Its just it hurts right now, the kind of hurt no medicine can fix. I dont think it ever will, until liz is actually happy with herself, and able to make her own decisions. And i pray that her parents can be happy for us too. I would give anything for her, even this, if this is what she needs right now. Its just i wish there were some simpler, less painful way, but life's funny like that huh? You gotta sacrifice one thing to get another. And no matter what, theres always gonna be something trying to get in the way. I love liz, and she is worth waiting for to me. and she is worth anything or anyone that tries to get in the way, i wont let anything or anyone change me the way i let myself before. Liz, if youre reading this, why did you take the other one off your friends list? and can you please undelete the other lj? I wanna be able to read the stuff you wrote and posted for me to read, because i like reading you writing, it comforts me atleast a little bit. I love you, and i swear to god that all i want is just for you to be happy with being yourself and find yourself again. Its just, i know you, and you said you cant tell me in person, i know youre resourceful, and that if you really wanted to, you would find a way to meet me in person. I just think youre afraid of what might happen, that your family might disown you, or kick you out. I dont blame you, i can understand why youd be afraid. My mom dealt with the same kind of thing with her parents. I dont wanna pull you out of your family, and i hope that someday they can accept me, even if they dont respect me or love me. Look, when and if you want to find a way to contact me, ill be here. Ill always be there if you need me. and if you wanna find a way to go to either of your proms together, then i still want to go with you, if you think youre ready, to have any contact with me by then. Just make sure you give me enough notice to rent a tux, lol, otherwise i might just wear a fig leaf. and please dont do anything rash, dont leave if you dont have to, i dont want you to have to deal with that for the rest of your life, just take it one day at a time if you have to. I love you, and i know you love me, i miss you soooooo much, and ill still be waiting for you when we both come out of this.
P.S.--pretty please undelete the sb4 sn, i really do wanna read the stuff you wrote, and can you please post stuff you write sometimes, it just makes me feel a little better, even though youre choosing not to be in contact right now. I do understand part of why, i just wish you could find some way to tell me the rest, but i guess it will have to wait. heh who knows, maybe well run into eachother at the diner sometime, and we can talk then, that is i start eating again, lol. Eh maybe ill just have coffee or chocolate milk. Ive been subsisting on two things the last few days, nicotine and chocolate milk nothing else has really been within my appetite, i had a couple of townhouse crackers the other day though, so that might count as something, lol. I love you liz, and i always will, and i hope this is easier for you than it is for me, because i dont want you to be in pain at all. And im trying to quit smoking but the last few days, it really hasnt worked, in fact i think ive been smoking about half a pack or more a day. Thats not good, i gotta find a better way to deal with life, lol. Good news is im writing music, its all kinda sad though, and in diminished, minor, and dissonant chords. im tryin to think of words for it, maybe a couple years from now you can help me find the words.
hey so yeah today sucks, too im massively depressed, and kept recounting times when liz and i were alloed to be together, and kept being so sweet about liz talkin to trish last night, that i was crying, and almost made her cry too. Im tryin as hard as i can to be understanding, but i havent been able to really sleep at all, and i havent eaten anything for about three days. the funny thing is im not hungry. my parents are worried im gonna die, but i doubt it, my body is a lot more resilient than that. Its wierd though, i used to eat more when i was depressed, now i can eat at all. when i do sleep though (a whole two hours, max, lol). I hear a certain person's voice in my dreams, and can almost feel her there, and its even more depressing waking up and realizing it was just a dream. i mean WTF, is god laughing at both of us? I swear god if youre listening, now would be a good time to help, liz, myself and her parents. Please help liz to find herself, please help this time to go by faster, because each day feels like an eternity, and please help her parents to be more understanding, and to actually learn what love is. I know everybody in this has their issues. I dealt with mine, and i just want everyone else to deal with theirs. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. Its just it hurts right now, the kind of hurt no medicine can fix. I dont think it ever will, until liz is actually happy with herself, and able to make her own decisions. And i pray that her parents can be happy for us too. I would give anything for her, even this, if this is what she needs right now. Its just i wish there were some simpler, less painful way, but life's funny like that huh? You gotta sacrifice one thing to get another. And no matter what, theres always gonna be something trying to get in the way. I love liz, and she is worth waiting for to me. and she is worth anything or anyone that tries to get in the way, i wont let anything or anyone change me the way i let myself before. Liz, if youre reading this, why did you take the other one off your friends list? and can you please undelete the other lj? I wanna be able to read the stuff you wrote and posted for me to read, because i like reading you writing, it comforts me atleast a little bit. I love you, and i swear to god that all i want is just for you to be happy with being yourself and find yourself again. Its just, i know you, and you said you cant tell me in person, i know youre resourceful, and that if you really wanted to, you would find a way to meet me in person. I just think youre afraid of what might happen, that your family might disown you, or kick you out. I dont blame you, i can understand why youd be afraid. My mom dealt with the same kind of thing with her parents. I dont wanna pull you out of your family, and i hope that someday they can accept me, even if they dont respect me or love me. Look, when and if you want to find a way to contact me, ill be here. Ill always be there if you need me. and if you wanna find a way to go to either of your proms together, then i still want to go with you, if you think youre ready, to have any contact with me by then. Just make sure you give me enough notice to rent a tux, lol, otherwise i might just wear a fig leaf. and please dont do anything rash, dont leave if you dont have to, i dont want you to have to deal with that for the rest of your life, just take it one day at a time if you have to. I love you, and i know you love me, i miss you soooooo much, and ill still be waiting for you when we both come out of this.
P.S.--pretty please undelete the sb4 sn, i really do wanna read the stuff you wrote, and can you please post stuff you write sometimes, it just makes me feel a little better, even though youre choosing not to be in contact right now. I do understand part of why, i just wish you could find some way to tell me the rest, but i guess it will have to wait. heh who knows, maybe well run into eachother at the diner sometime, and we can talk then, that is i start eating again, lol. Eh maybe ill just have coffee or chocolate milk. Ive been subsisting on two things the last few days, nicotine and chocolate milk nothing else has really been within my appetite, i had a couple of townhouse crackers the other day though, so that might count as something, lol. I love you liz, and i always will, and i hope this is easier for you than it is for me, because i dont want you to be in pain at all. And im trying to quit smoking but the last few days, it really hasnt worked, in fact i think ive been smoking about half a pack or more a day. Thats not good, i gotta find a better way to deal with life, lol. Good news is im writing music, its all kinda sad though, and in diminished, minor, and dissonant chords. im tryin to think of words for it, maybe a couple years from now you can help me find the words.