(no subject)
What would you be great at that, as of now, you have no intention of doing?
Oh, I dont know. I can't think of much that I'm good at. I'm not really below anything right now. Well I'd probably say no to being a server at Wing House.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it"-Peter F. Drucker
HOLY SHIT! It's so true.
I know I said I'd finish talking about my dad but honestly I dont feel like it anymore. And since no one reads this I know I'm not letting ANYONE down. At first I was hoping that people would read this journal but now I'm coming back to the realization that this is only for my personal health.
Today since I'm not feeling that optimistic I'm coming to all these obvious realizations. Another thing I'm realizing again, I'm at the bottom the barrel in life. I'm living with my boyfriend's parents and I'm 20. IM FUCKIN 20! Also, it's disturbing how I couldnt handle living on my own and I couldve made it work. I had the money. I was making $100 a night. What happened?
Needless to say I feel like a failure. This is exactly why I took up running. I actually wanted to accomplish something. I wanted my hard work to lead to something like a 5k, 10k, or something more.
All I do now is sit at home, work only 3 nights a week, and go to the bars secretly wishing I was bartending. Im just a broken record talking about working in New Orleans and all the crazy people i served. Oh all the money racked in. I miss that more than anything. I went from buying Marc Jaccob dresses and barely affording doctor appointments. I sincerely hate my life.
The only reason I left that life was for my boyfriend. Now I'll never go back to it. For one, there's no art schools. Another, my boyfriend would leave me. I really wanna go home (NY) and clear my head. Plus I wanna be around friends. I've haven't had a friend since i moved here, so it's been about 6 months.
I'll be honest, I've been thinking about killing myself for many years and that feeling still overshadows me. Right now I'm seeing things for how things really are in my life. Repeat: Im on the bottom of life. I'm on the same level as drug dealers and whores. I have no money, no way to succeed in life. So what now? School? NO. You need money for that. The only thing I feel good for is popping out kids.
My boyfriend says I'm just waiting for a hand out. It's not true, far from it really. I doing the best with what I have. So what do you do when you have nothing?
What do you do when your father doesnt love you or even want to help you? What do you do when your mother is mentally ill and can't support herself let alone help support you? Tell me, what do you do?
If someone does actually look at this. Please show me some love right now because I really need it
Oh, I dont know. I can't think of much that I'm good at. I'm not really below anything right now. Well I'd probably say no to being a server at Wing House.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it"-Peter F. Drucker
HOLY SHIT! It's so true.
I know I said I'd finish talking about my dad but honestly I dont feel like it anymore. And since no one reads this I know I'm not letting ANYONE down. At first I was hoping that people would read this journal but now I'm coming back to the realization that this is only for my personal health.
Today since I'm not feeling that optimistic I'm coming to all these obvious realizations. Another thing I'm realizing again, I'm at the bottom the barrel in life. I'm living with my boyfriend's parents and I'm 20. IM FUCKIN 20! Also, it's disturbing how I couldnt handle living on my own and I couldve made it work. I had the money. I was making $100 a night. What happened?
Needless to say I feel like a failure. This is exactly why I took up running. I actually wanted to accomplish something. I wanted my hard work to lead to something like a 5k, 10k, or something more.
All I do now is sit at home, work only 3 nights a week, and go to the bars secretly wishing I was bartending. Im just a broken record talking about working in New Orleans and all the crazy people i served. Oh all the money racked in. I miss that more than anything. I went from buying Marc Jaccob dresses and barely affording doctor appointments. I sincerely hate my life.
The only reason I left that life was for my boyfriend. Now I'll never go back to it. For one, there's no art schools. Another, my boyfriend would leave me. I really wanna go home (NY) and clear my head. Plus I wanna be around friends. I've haven't had a friend since i moved here, so it's been about 6 months.
I'll be honest, I've been thinking about killing myself for many years and that feeling still overshadows me. Right now I'm seeing things for how things really are in my life. Repeat: Im on the bottom of life. I'm on the same level as drug dealers and whores. I have no money, no way to succeed in life. So what now? School? NO. You need money for that. The only thing I feel good for is popping out kids.
My boyfriend says I'm just waiting for a hand out. It's not true, far from it really. I doing the best with what I have. So what do you do when you have nothing?
What do you do when your father doesnt love you or even want to help you? What do you do when your mother is mentally ill and can't support herself let alone help support you? Tell me, what do you do?
If someone does actually look at this. Please show me some love right now because I really need it