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Oct 08, 2007 13:17

Ever think about how quickly you go about most days?  How many days are so routine that you don't even think about what you're doing?  Don't have to think about where you're driving or how fast you're going.  I've thought about this a lot lately and have become determined to do my best to slow down.  In most aspects.  I realized how fast I'm always driving and often being that driver I hate that gets a little too close for comfort.  I've done fabulous, in my own opinion, in the past week since I've become very consciously aware of it.  I've backed off.  I've taken more time to get where I need to go.  I let people in when there's a lot of traffic.  I appreciate when people let me over when I need to get there, so I can only return the favor at least once on the drive home every day.  I challenge you all to do the same.  Be more considerate of everybody.  Both complete strangers in your day-to-day driving, and the ones you hold closest to your heart in your daily, weekly, or monthly interaction, no matter how that interaction takes place.

I've truly vowed to make this month a time where I can get together with each of my friends individually and just be ourselves with no real agenda.  Just do whatever strikes our mood when we're together at that time.  I want to see all of you.  I want to re-connect with people whom I have grown apart from, regardless of who should be held more "responsible" for it.  A lot of events have changed my life since high school.  A lot of people.  And quite frankly, the friends I have now.... I don't ever want to lose.  Does that mean I haven't had my differences with each and every one of them?  Of course not.  Some of them more than others have held grudges longer than I would have liked, or gotten more angry over something I never thought was a big deal to begin with.  We all have our differences.  We all have disagreements.  But if we don't stop ourselves from growing apart, it's going to happen whether we want it to or not.  We all have to make the effort, no matter how busy our schedules.  I have one friend who calls me damn near every day on her drive home from work.  Does she work entirely too much?  Of course.  Does she have her own obligations at home to her own family and extended family?  Of course.  But she still manages to call me either on a break at work or on her drive home damn near every day, or else every other day.  We haven't had the schedules to hang out very much in a couple years, I'd venture to say.  But we make a point to get together as often as possible to have time with just the two of us.  Where we can bitch and complain about anything we want and know it's safe between us.  I wish all of my friendships could be this way.  Some people in particular I want so badly to hang out with again, but I don't believe that feeling to be reciprocated.  We've had too many arguments in the past year to probably count.  High-stress situations and hectic schedules and money issues and a plethora of other things have caused problems in our friendship, and I want to mend it.  Sometimes I just don't know what I should do.  Emily wrote a blog saying "It's never too late."  Is this true?  Can friendships be saved and nurtured back to what they used to be?  Maybe not exactly how they used to be, but good enough to where you at least feel like you know them again?  I have another friend that I have been on and off with for years upon years.  I've really missed her at certain times and honestly would love nothing more than to talk to her again and possibly see her eventually.  Has time allowed us to grow too far apart this time?  It's possible.  But I never know until I try, right?

I encourage everybody to make the effort in their friendships on a regular basis.  Don't wait for that friend to call you, text you, e-mail you.  Take matters into your own hands.  Don't let them ignore you.  Don't take no for an answer.  Insist you hang out or at least talk, if only for 10 minutes at once sometimes.  It's okay for me to admit that I haven't always been the best on holding up my end of the deal either, but to those of my friends that I haven't been there for as much as I would like or they would like, I want to do better.  I've often been the person her friends turn to when they need a shoulder.  An ear to listen.  Someone to keep a secret, or someone to lend a hand.  I still pride myself on being that person for some of my friends, but I can still do better.

Right now I am a girl who is head over heels in love with the man of her dreams.  Head over heels.  Completely and utterly smitten.  I really am a lucky woman right now.  I have a man who loves me very very much.  A man I get the joy of falling asleep next to as many times as possible during the week, and with any luck, someday soon it will be every night and I won't have to miss him as much.  I have an amazing family.  Fantastic and totally supportive friends.  A job that isn't by any means fantastic, but it pays the bills and I still have been keeping my options open.  A dog that is almost 14 years old and has been there for me every time I needed him to be.  14!  I'm so lucky.....
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