Somewhere Over the Sun-Chapter Eleven
Title: Somewhere Over the Sun
Chapter: Some Wounds
Author: R. M. Jackson
Rating: PG-13 / T
Pairing: Rory/Jess
Word Count: Approximately 3,200 for chapter eleven.
Summary: SEQUEL TO THE REST OF THE SUN BELONGS TO ME. Picks up 3 weeks later. Jess is getting back on his feet while Rory starts to spiral away. What will happen once Jess and Rory attempt to merge their lives during a problematic time?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
AN: Alternate Universe
Status: In progress
Some Wounds
“Luke?” Luke shifted in his chair and smoothed Jess’s wild hair back from his warm forehead. “I got here as soon as I could.”
“Thanks for being here,” Luke said as Lorelai rested her hands on his shoulders.
“How’s he doing?” she asked.
“He’s really hot,” Luke said. “His fever spiked to 104 fifteen minutes ago. They’re trying to bring his temperature down.” Luke sighed and ruffled his nephew’s sweaty hair. Jess trembled slightly under Luke’s touch. “I’m worried about him.”
Lorelai listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor while she processed Luke’s words. “Rory’s going to be here soon,” she said finally. “I called her on my way here. She started driving over when I told her.”
“That’s good. He’d want her here.” Luke brushed his fingers over Jess’s forehead. “I’m worried about him,” he admitted again. “There’s only so much one kid can take.” Shaking his head, Luke peered up at Lorelai.
“He’s going to be okay,” Lorelai promised. “Jess is really strong, remember? He’s going to beat this and he’ll be fine.”
“I hope so,” Luke said softly. “I hate seeing him like this.”
The steady beep of the heart monitor continued while Luke sat next to Jess in silence. Lorelai rubbed her hands over Luke’s shoulders. “We’ve been through this before. It’s not so bad. Come on,” Lorelai said. “Why don’t we go upstairs to the cafeteria and get you a salad and some tea?”
“No. I need to stay with Jess,” Luke said numbly, pressing his face in his hands.
“Luke, this isn’t healthy. You’ve been sitting here for almost two hours.”
“Three,” Luke corrected.
“Why did you wait so long to call me? I would have met you at the hospital when you brought Jess over.” Lorelai sighed and pulled a chair from the hallway next to the bed.
“Furthest thing from my mind,” Luke said, “was company other than Jess’s.” He sighed and tilted his head on Lorelai’s shoulder.
“You should have called me sooner, though. I could have sat with you in the waiting room and here when Jess was asleep. Jess is going to be my family, too.” Lorelai intertwined her fingers with Luke’s.
“I know,” Luke said. “What if we have to postpone the wedding plans?” he asked suddenly.
“Then we’ll postpone the wedding plans until we know Jess is fully recovered. He’s your best man, Luke. We’re not going to exclude him from the wedding. I can wait a couple extra months to marry you if it means his health,” Lorelai said. “Now, come on. You’ve been sitting here for hours,” Lorelai begged. The doors to the RICU opened and Rory rushed by to the desk. “Rory, over here,” Lorelai beckoned before Rory could reach the nurse’s station.
“How is he? Is Jess okay?” Rory dropped her purse in the corner and hurried to the bed.
“He’s temperature keeps spiking,” Luke said. “Every ten minutes I’ve been putting a cold cloth on his forehead, but it’s not really bringing his fever down.” He handed a washcloth to Rory. “If you could do that while you’re here with him, it would make him more comfortable.”
Rory nodded and accepted the damp washcloth from Luke. “I’ll do everything I can. Don’t worry about anything.”
“We can go downstairs now,” Lorelai said as she grabbed Luke’s hand. “Rory is here with Jess, so he won’t be alone.”
Luke nodded and stood up. “Rory should have some time alone with Jess,” he conceded.
Lorelai ushered him out of the room and waved to Rory.
“Oh, Jessie,” Rory whispered, running her thumb over his warm cheeks. Jess winced and pulled his elbow over his face. “You’re so warm,” she said, staring at the washcloth in her hand. “I should wet this.” Rory walked over to the sink on the other side of the room and ran the cloth under the cold water. “Here, this will make you feel better.” Carefully, Rory folded the washcloth into smaller sections and pressed it against his forehead. “There,” she said, patting his forehead. She sat down next to the bed and watched Jess’s eyelashes flutter.
He squinted at the brightness, but reached for Rory’s arm.
“Jess? It’s me.” Rory brushed a stray tear from her cheek.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m okay.” He clung closer to Rory’s arm.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Rory whispered, brushing the stray section of hair that had fallen across his face. “You’re so warm,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “I wish that cloth would cool you down a little.”
“Why don’t you love me?” he asked hoarsely.
“What?” Rory gasped, taking a step back and tripping on the chair.
“I’ve tried to do everything right,” he whispered, staring at the ceiling. “Why haven’t you ever loved me?”
“What are you talking about?” Rory asked under her breath.
“Mom?” he whispered weakly. “Why haven’t you ever loved me?”
Rory backed away further and hurried to the desk. “I think there’s something wrong.”
When Luke and Lorelai returned to the RICU, Rory was huddled in a chair by the doorway. “What are you doing out here, sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
Rory peered up at her mother and Luke before speaking. “Jess woke up,” she said.
“That’s great! When?” Luke asked expectantly.
“But they’re in there trying to lower his fever. It rose to 105 and he was hallucinating.” Rory hung her head. “He needs his mom, I think.”
“Liz?” Luke asked, cocking his head to the side. “He hasn’t even mentioned Liz in months, not even since the time she came by.” He sighed and looked away from the doorway.
“He kept asking me why she never loved him, but I’m sure he thought she was there.” Rory glanced up at Luke and her mother. “Are you positive he’s going to be fine?”
Luke shifted uncomfortably and looked back at Rory. “He’s going to be fine. This is…just a complication of the surgery.”
“This is a complication?” Rory asked doubtfully. “And how many more complications am I going to have to worry about?” she asked, raising her voice.
“Why is that so disconcerting?” Luke asked, raising his own voice. “You’re not the one taking care of him! I have seen him through every aspect of this accident and sickness, and you have simply stood by to cry in bewilderment and abandon Jess for your own selfish reasons!” Lorelai and Rory looked at Luke with shock teeming in their eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly.
Rory glanced up at the ceiling before looking back at Luke. “You don’t think I love him, either,” she said as a tear ran down her cheek. “Neither of you think I deserve to be with Jess.”
Luke grasped the hat on his head and looked at Lorelai. She was shifting her weight from heel to heel as she avoided eye contact. “I think I need to be left out of this argument,” she said. “Rory, you know my thoughts on the baby and your future.” She backed away slowly. “Luke, this is between Jess and Rory. I don’t think it’s your place to interfere.”
“I need to check on my nephew,” Luke said finally, pushing past the doors.
“His fever keeps spiking,” the nurse said as she wrung out the washcloth. She snapped a glove over her hand and stuck it in the bucket of ice cubes, selecting one and withdrawing her hand. She slipped the small ice cube between Jess’s lips. “We’re hoping the liquid will cool him down a little more,” she said while she watched Jess suck on the ice cube. “He’s a little out of it right now. Something about his mother?” she asked skeptically. “Is she around at all? Maybe you could call her to come down,” she suggested.
“His mother has never been interested,” Luke said, watching Jess lick his lips.
“He did say that,” the nurse mentioned. “He’s been hallucinating quite a bit since his fever went over 104. That’s why it’s imperative that we bring it down.” She fished in the bucket for another piece of ice and coaxed Jess to part his lips by rubbing the ice against his lip line. “Come on, sweetheart,” she mumbled, pushing the ice through his lips. Jess moved his head to the side and started sucking on the new ice.
“Can…I do that?” Luke asked.
“Sure. There aren’t too many fathers that want to take care of their sons like this.” She handed the bucket of ice and a glove to Luke.
“Oh, I’m not his father. I’m his uncle,” he corrected.
“Uncle. Even more unusual,” she said.
“Luke?” the small voice begged from the doorway.
“Rory?” he asked whipping his head around. His expression softened. “I’m sorry, kiddo,” he said softly, wrapping his arm around Rory. “I’m…angry,” he said, “but I don’t think I’m angry at you. I’m angry for not being able to keep Jess safe.”
“Me too,” Rory said lightly, scuffing her shoe on the floor.
“I’m sorry I challenged you. I never meant to say it; it just came out that way. It was wrong, and I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m okay, Luke.” Rory nodded. “I understand.” She looked up at him and then to Jess. “Is there something I can do to help?”
Luke nodded and handed Rory the bucket of ice and his glove. “Just rub the ice against his lip and you can slip the cube in his mouth.”
Rory snapped the glove on and coaxed the ice into Jess’s mouth. Luke rested his hand on her shoulder and watched. Maybe he had been wrong.
“Hey. How are you doing today?” Rory asked softly as she adjusted the washcloth on his forehead.
“Hi,” Jess mumbled as he reached up for the washcloth. He smiled at her crookedly and struggled to sit up. “Can you move my bed up?” he asked. “I can’t reach the button.”
Rory pressed the button and the mattress started to fold. Jess boosted himself up and pulled the blanket up. “How are you feeling today?” Rory asked.
“I’m doing okay,” he answered. “I’m thirsty, though. There isn’t any water in that pitcher, is there?”
Rory checked the pitcher and poured the water into a plastic cup. “Here you go.” She handed the cup to Jess and he sipped the water. “Luke said they’re moving you upstairs tomorrow,”
Jess nodded and placed the cup on the table next to him. “Can’t wait,” he said. “I’m tired of this place. And I’m tired of being sick all the time.” He sighed and grasped Rory’s hand. “I want to go home.”
“I know.” Rory smiled half heartedly and brushed the stray hairs hanging over his eyes. “I want you to be home with us.”
“Luke told me he called Liz.”
“I know he did. You were asking for her.” Rory removed the washcloth from his forehead and wrung it out in the sink. “It looks like your fever is going down,” she said. She ran the cloth under the cold water and folded it in half. “You look a lot better.” Rory placed the cloth on his forehead and looked adoringly at him.
“I think I’m ready to see Liz,” Jess said as he pressed on the washcloth. The cold water trickled down the side of his face. “Luke sent her to rehab, you know.”
“He’s mentioned it before. I didn’t know he didn’t say anything to you,” Rory said.
“I don’t really care,” Jess admitted. “It’s nice that she’s getting clean, though. I just need to talk to her. I think it’s the right thing to do.”
Rory nodded. “I’m glad. Did Luke say when Liz was coming?”
Shaking his head, Jess wiped some of the water from his face. “Soon, I think. I just want to get it over with. Then she can go back to forgetting I exist.”
Rory smoothed her hand over Jess’s hair. “Your mom loves you.”
“She really doesn’t,” Jess said. “You wouldn’t understand because you’ve had a great mother all your life. Lorelai would give everything up for you. Look at what she’s already done for you during your life.”
“Different circumstances,” Rory protested.
“No, just a completely different person. My mother didn’t want to have children, and she ended up with me. I was a pain in the ass child.” Jess rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “When I have a kid, I want them to have a mom and a dad. I didn’t get to have either. I’m unsure of how to be a father, but I could swing it if it meant my kid’s happiness.”
Rory smiled. “You’re going to be a great father when the time comes,” she assured him, “but right now you have to think about your mom.”
“I know,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I…I didn’t really get to know my dad when I was in California. I wish I did,” he said softly.
Rory smiled weakly. She had been waiting for months for Jess to talk about his father. “You want to talk about it?” she asked, scooting her chair closer to the bed.
“There’s not much to say,” he said. “There’s a lot of regret, though, for more than just one thing.”
“What do you mean?” Rory asked.
“I just wish we weren’t in the accident, you didn’t have the miscarriage, and my father didn’t die. I feel like there should have been more time.”
“Jess, your mother is here,” Luke said as he appeared in the doorway.
“I’m going to be right outside,” Rory promised as she grabbed her purse. She kissed Jess on the cheek before exiting the room with Luke.
“Hi, baby,” Liz cooed as she sat down next to the bed. Suddenly, Jess didn’t know why he was interested in talking with his mother.
“Liz,” he greeted her coldly.
She seemed to ignore the biting edge in his voice as she smoothed back his hair. Jess rolled his eyes. He was sick of everyone touching his hair. Every time someone thought he needed comforting, they would ruffle his hair, smooth back his hair, or tousle his hair. Jess didn’t mind when Rory or Luke ruffled his hair out of affection when it wasn’t gelled, but he prefer no one else touch his hair.
“How do you feel?” Liz asked.
“I’ve been better,” he said honestly, trying to keep the sneer out of his voice.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” she said. Jess nodded to avoid saying anything he might regret later. “I haven’t been the best mother to you.”
“You haven’t,” Jess replied bitterly.
“But I feel that you gave me a chance to make it up to you. Have you given me that chance?” Liz asked.
“I don’t know,” Jess said hesitantly. “Liz?” Jess cleared his throat. “Mom?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Why haven’t you ever loved me?” he asked suddenly, knowing his mother would react badly to the question. When she didn’t respond, Jess stared at the pattern that adorned the ceiling.
“Maybe I should go,” Liz said, getting up.
“That’s what I mean,” Jess snapped. Liz sat back in the chair with a thump. “Even when I was a little kid, you never even told me that you loved me. You would hit me, but you would never tell me that you loved me. And sometimes I would wonder what it was I did to make you not love me, but I couldn’t figure it out. When I won an award at school, you would smack me. When I got straight A’s, you would tell me I was in your way and push me aside. Even when I did everything you asked me to, you would whip me with your belt. Then I realized it didn’t matter what I did. So I smoked and I drank and I snorted coke and injected heroin and skipped school and had sex. And, in the end, it never mattered. Not only did you never tell me you loved me, you sent me away. You didn’t care about me and you thought I was a nuisance, so you shipped me off to Luke.”
Liz looked at her shoes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“It wasn’t?” Jess countered. He pushed the button on the guardrail to help him sit up and peeled the left section of his hospital gown away from his skin. “Does this show you loved me at all?” he questioned, pointing to a long scar on his back that was surrounded by other scattered scars.
“I,” Liz started.
“After a case of beer and a bottle of vodka, you whipped me with your boyfriend’s belt until I bled. Then you left me on my bedroom floor bleeding. How does that show me you loved me? Why didn’t you ever love me?” he questioned harder.
“Jess, I don’t think this is…”
“Dammit, Liz! Tell me why you never loved me. You’re never going to correct what I screwed up in my life because of you, but at least I’ll know what not to do when I have a kid that depends on me, looks up to me, and tries to impress me. Tell me what I did wrong, or get out. Leave. You’re good at that. You’re good at excluding me and abandoning me.”
“I did love you, Jess. I just had no way to show it. I wish you had a better mother.”
“I wish I did, too.” Liz leaned over and kissed Jess on the cheek.
“Is it too late? Too late to make up for all the things I did that were wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “Maybe we could…have lunch twice a month or something. Coffee, burgers, something.”
Liz smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. “I’d like that. I’d really, really like that.” She leaned over and Jess held his arm over his head.
“One condition: don’t touch my hair.”
Chapter: Some Wounds
Author: R. M. Jackson
Rating: PG-13 / T
Pairing: Rory/Jess
Word Count: Approximately 3,200 for chapter eleven.
Summary: SEQUEL TO THE REST OF THE SUN BELONGS TO ME. Picks up 3 weeks later. Jess is getting back on his feet while Rory starts to spiral away. What will happen once Jess and Rory attempt to merge their lives during a problematic time?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
AN: Alternate Universe
Status: In progress
Some Wounds
“Luke?” Luke shifted in his chair and smoothed Jess’s wild hair back from his warm forehead. “I got here as soon as I could.”
“Thanks for being here,” Luke said as Lorelai rested her hands on his shoulders.
“How’s he doing?” she asked.
“He’s really hot,” Luke said. “His fever spiked to 104 fifteen minutes ago. They’re trying to bring his temperature down.” Luke sighed and ruffled his nephew’s sweaty hair. Jess trembled slightly under Luke’s touch. “I’m worried about him.”
Lorelai listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor while she processed Luke’s words. “Rory’s going to be here soon,” she said finally. “I called her on my way here. She started driving over when I told her.”
“That’s good. He’d want her here.” Luke brushed his fingers over Jess’s forehead. “I’m worried about him,” he admitted again. “There’s only so much one kid can take.” Shaking his head, Luke peered up at Lorelai.
“He’s going to be okay,” Lorelai promised. “Jess is really strong, remember? He’s going to beat this and he’ll be fine.”
“I hope so,” Luke said softly. “I hate seeing him like this.”
The steady beep of the heart monitor continued while Luke sat next to Jess in silence. Lorelai rubbed her hands over Luke’s shoulders. “We’ve been through this before. It’s not so bad. Come on,” Lorelai said. “Why don’t we go upstairs to the cafeteria and get you a salad and some tea?”
“No. I need to stay with Jess,” Luke said numbly, pressing his face in his hands.
“Luke, this isn’t healthy. You’ve been sitting here for almost two hours.”
“Three,” Luke corrected.
“Why did you wait so long to call me? I would have met you at the hospital when you brought Jess over.” Lorelai sighed and pulled a chair from the hallway next to the bed.
“Furthest thing from my mind,” Luke said, “was company other than Jess’s.” He sighed and tilted his head on Lorelai’s shoulder.
“You should have called me sooner, though. I could have sat with you in the waiting room and here when Jess was asleep. Jess is going to be my family, too.” Lorelai intertwined her fingers with Luke’s.
“I know,” Luke said. “What if we have to postpone the wedding plans?” he asked suddenly.
“Then we’ll postpone the wedding plans until we know Jess is fully recovered. He’s your best man, Luke. We’re not going to exclude him from the wedding. I can wait a couple extra months to marry you if it means his health,” Lorelai said. “Now, come on. You’ve been sitting here for hours,” Lorelai begged. The doors to the RICU opened and Rory rushed by to the desk. “Rory, over here,” Lorelai beckoned before Rory could reach the nurse’s station.
“How is he? Is Jess okay?” Rory dropped her purse in the corner and hurried to the bed.
“He’s temperature keeps spiking,” Luke said. “Every ten minutes I’ve been putting a cold cloth on his forehead, but it’s not really bringing his fever down.” He handed a washcloth to Rory. “If you could do that while you’re here with him, it would make him more comfortable.”
Rory nodded and accepted the damp washcloth from Luke. “I’ll do everything I can. Don’t worry about anything.”
“We can go downstairs now,” Lorelai said as she grabbed Luke’s hand. “Rory is here with Jess, so he won’t be alone.”
Luke nodded and stood up. “Rory should have some time alone with Jess,” he conceded.
Lorelai ushered him out of the room and waved to Rory.
“Oh, Jessie,” Rory whispered, running her thumb over his warm cheeks. Jess winced and pulled his elbow over his face. “You’re so warm,” she said, staring at the washcloth in her hand. “I should wet this.” Rory walked over to the sink on the other side of the room and ran the cloth under the cold water. “Here, this will make you feel better.” Carefully, Rory folded the washcloth into smaller sections and pressed it against his forehead. “There,” she said, patting his forehead. She sat down next to the bed and watched Jess’s eyelashes flutter.
He squinted at the brightness, but reached for Rory’s arm.
“Jess? It’s me.” Rory brushed a stray tear from her cheek.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m okay.” He clung closer to Rory’s arm.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Rory whispered, brushing the stray section of hair that had fallen across his face. “You’re so warm,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “I wish that cloth would cool you down a little.”
“Why don’t you love me?” he asked hoarsely.
“What?” Rory gasped, taking a step back and tripping on the chair.
“I’ve tried to do everything right,” he whispered, staring at the ceiling. “Why haven’t you ever loved me?”
“What are you talking about?” Rory asked under her breath.
“Mom?” he whispered weakly. “Why haven’t you ever loved me?”
Rory backed away further and hurried to the desk. “I think there’s something wrong.”
When Luke and Lorelai returned to the RICU, Rory was huddled in a chair by the doorway. “What are you doing out here, sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
Rory peered up at her mother and Luke before speaking. “Jess woke up,” she said.
“That’s great! When?” Luke asked expectantly.
“But they’re in there trying to lower his fever. It rose to 105 and he was hallucinating.” Rory hung her head. “He needs his mom, I think.”
“Liz?” Luke asked, cocking his head to the side. “He hasn’t even mentioned Liz in months, not even since the time she came by.” He sighed and looked away from the doorway.
“He kept asking me why she never loved him, but I’m sure he thought she was there.” Rory glanced up at Luke and her mother. “Are you positive he’s going to be fine?”
Luke shifted uncomfortably and looked back at Rory. “He’s going to be fine. This is…just a complication of the surgery.”
“This is a complication?” Rory asked doubtfully. “And how many more complications am I going to have to worry about?” she asked, raising her voice.
“Why is that so disconcerting?” Luke asked, raising his own voice. “You’re not the one taking care of him! I have seen him through every aspect of this accident and sickness, and you have simply stood by to cry in bewilderment and abandon Jess for your own selfish reasons!” Lorelai and Rory looked at Luke with shock teeming in their eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly.
Rory glanced up at the ceiling before looking back at Luke. “You don’t think I love him, either,” she said as a tear ran down her cheek. “Neither of you think I deserve to be with Jess.”
Luke grasped the hat on his head and looked at Lorelai. She was shifting her weight from heel to heel as she avoided eye contact. “I think I need to be left out of this argument,” she said. “Rory, you know my thoughts on the baby and your future.” She backed away slowly. “Luke, this is between Jess and Rory. I don’t think it’s your place to interfere.”
“I need to check on my nephew,” Luke said finally, pushing past the doors.
“His fever keeps spiking,” the nurse said as she wrung out the washcloth. She snapped a glove over her hand and stuck it in the bucket of ice cubes, selecting one and withdrawing her hand. She slipped the small ice cube between Jess’s lips. “We’re hoping the liquid will cool him down a little more,” she said while she watched Jess suck on the ice cube. “He’s a little out of it right now. Something about his mother?” she asked skeptically. “Is she around at all? Maybe you could call her to come down,” she suggested.
“His mother has never been interested,” Luke said, watching Jess lick his lips.
“He did say that,” the nurse mentioned. “He’s been hallucinating quite a bit since his fever went over 104. That’s why it’s imperative that we bring it down.” She fished in the bucket for another piece of ice and coaxed Jess to part his lips by rubbing the ice against his lip line. “Come on, sweetheart,” she mumbled, pushing the ice through his lips. Jess moved his head to the side and started sucking on the new ice.
“Can…I do that?” Luke asked.
“Sure. There aren’t too many fathers that want to take care of their sons like this.” She handed the bucket of ice and a glove to Luke.
“Oh, I’m not his father. I’m his uncle,” he corrected.
“Uncle. Even more unusual,” she said.
“Luke?” the small voice begged from the doorway.
“Rory?” he asked whipping his head around. His expression softened. “I’m sorry, kiddo,” he said softly, wrapping his arm around Rory. “I’m…angry,” he said, “but I don’t think I’m angry at you. I’m angry for not being able to keep Jess safe.”
“Me too,” Rory said lightly, scuffing her shoe on the floor.
“I’m sorry I challenged you. I never meant to say it; it just came out that way. It was wrong, and I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m okay, Luke.” Rory nodded. “I understand.” She looked up at him and then to Jess. “Is there something I can do to help?”
Luke nodded and handed Rory the bucket of ice and his glove. “Just rub the ice against his lip and you can slip the cube in his mouth.”
Rory snapped the glove on and coaxed the ice into Jess’s mouth. Luke rested his hand on her shoulder and watched. Maybe he had been wrong.
“Hey. How are you doing today?” Rory asked softly as she adjusted the washcloth on his forehead.
“Hi,” Jess mumbled as he reached up for the washcloth. He smiled at her crookedly and struggled to sit up. “Can you move my bed up?” he asked. “I can’t reach the button.”
Rory pressed the button and the mattress started to fold. Jess boosted himself up and pulled the blanket up. “How are you feeling today?” Rory asked.
“I’m doing okay,” he answered. “I’m thirsty, though. There isn’t any water in that pitcher, is there?”
Rory checked the pitcher and poured the water into a plastic cup. “Here you go.” She handed the cup to Jess and he sipped the water. “Luke said they’re moving you upstairs tomorrow,”
Jess nodded and placed the cup on the table next to him. “Can’t wait,” he said. “I’m tired of this place. And I’m tired of being sick all the time.” He sighed and grasped Rory’s hand. “I want to go home.”
“I know.” Rory smiled half heartedly and brushed the stray hairs hanging over his eyes. “I want you to be home with us.”
“Luke told me he called Liz.”
“I know he did. You were asking for her.” Rory removed the washcloth from his forehead and wrung it out in the sink. “It looks like your fever is going down,” she said. She ran the cloth under the cold water and folded it in half. “You look a lot better.” Rory placed the cloth on his forehead and looked adoringly at him.
“I think I’m ready to see Liz,” Jess said as he pressed on the washcloth. The cold water trickled down the side of his face. “Luke sent her to rehab, you know.”
“He’s mentioned it before. I didn’t know he didn’t say anything to you,” Rory said.
“I don’t really care,” Jess admitted. “It’s nice that she’s getting clean, though. I just need to talk to her. I think it’s the right thing to do.”
Rory nodded. “I’m glad. Did Luke say when Liz was coming?”
Shaking his head, Jess wiped some of the water from his face. “Soon, I think. I just want to get it over with. Then she can go back to forgetting I exist.”
Rory smoothed her hand over Jess’s hair. “Your mom loves you.”
“She really doesn’t,” Jess said. “You wouldn’t understand because you’ve had a great mother all your life. Lorelai would give everything up for you. Look at what she’s already done for you during your life.”
“Different circumstances,” Rory protested.
“No, just a completely different person. My mother didn’t want to have children, and she ended up with me. I was a pain in the ass child.” Jess rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “When I have a kid, I want them to have a mom and a dad. I didn’t get to have either. I’m unsure of how to be a father, but I could swing it if it meant my kid’s happiness.”
Rory smiled. “You’re going to be a great father when the time comes,” she assured him, “but right now you have to think about your mom.”
“I know,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I…I didn’t really get to know my dad when I was in California. I wish I did,” he said softly.
Rory smiled weakly. She had been waiting for months for Jess to talk about his father. “You want to talk about it?” she asked, scooting her chair closer to the bed.
“There’s not much to say,” he said. “There’s a lot of regret, though, for more than just one thing.”
“What do you mean?” Rory asked.
“I just wish we weren’t in the accident, you didn’t have the miscarriage, and my father didn’t die. I feel like there should have been more time.”
“Jess, your mother is here,” Luke said as he appeared in the doorway.
“I’m going to be right outside,” Rory promised as she grabbed her purse. She kissed Jess on the cheek before exiting the room with Luke.
“Hi, baby,” Liz cooed as she sat down next to the bed. Suddenly, Jess didn’t know why he was interested in talking with his mother.
“Liz,” he greeted her coldly.
She seemed to ignore the biting edge in his voice as she smoothed back his hair. Jess rolled his eyes. He was sick of everyone touching his hair. Every time someone thought he needed comforting, they would ruffle his hair, smooth back his hair, or tousle his hair. Jess didn’t mind when Rory or Luke ruffled his hair out of affection when it wasn’t gelled, but he prefer no one else touch his hair.
“How do you feel?” Liz asked.
“I’ve been better,” he said honestly, trying to keep the sneer out of his voice.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” she said. Jess nodded to avoid saying anything he might regret later. “I haven’t been the best mother to you.”
“You haven’t,” Jess replied bitterly.
“But I feel that you gave me a chance to make it up to you. Have you given me that chance?” Liz asked.
“I don’t know,” Jess said hesitantly. “Liz?” Jess cleared his throat. “Mom?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Why haven’t you ever loved me?” he asked suddenly, knowing his mother would react badly to the question. When she didn’t respond, Jess stared at the pattern that adorned the ceiling.
“Maybe I should go,” Liz said, getting up.
“That’s what I mean,” Jess snapped. Liz sat back in the chair with a thump. “Even when I was a little kid, you never even told me that you loved me. You would hit me, but you would never tell me that you loved me. And sometimes I would wonder what it was I did to make you not love me, but I couldn’t figure it out. When I won an award at school, you would smack me. When I got straight A’s, you would tell me I was in your way and push me aside. Even when I did everything you asked me to, you would whip me with your belt. Then I realized it didn’t matter what I did. So I smoked and I drank and I snorted coke and injected heroin and skipped school and had sex. And, in the end, it never mattered. Not only did you never tell me you loved me, you sent me away. You didn’t care about me and you thought I was a nuisance, so you shipped me off to Luke.”
Liz looked at her shoes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“It wasn’t?” Jess countered. He pushed the button on the guardrail to help him sit up and peeled the left section of his hospital gown away from his skin. “Does this show you loved me at all?” he questioned, pointing to a long scar on his back that was surrounded by other scattered scars.
“I,” Liz started.
“After a case of beer and a bottle of vodka, you whipped me with your boyfriend’s belt until I bled. Then you left me on my bedroom floor bleeding. How does that show me you loved me? Why didn’t you ever love me?” he questioned harder.
“Jess, I don’t think this is…”
“Dammit, Liz! Tell me why you never loved me. You’re never going to correct what I screwed up in my life because of you, but at least I’ll know what not to do when I have a kid that depends on me, looks up to me, and tries to impress me. Tell me what I did wrong, or get out. Leave. You’re good at that. You’re good at excluding me and abandoning me.”
“I did love you, Jess. I just had no way to show it. I wish you had a better mother.”
“I wish I did, too.” Liz leaned over and kissed Jess on the cheek.
“Is it too late? Too late to make up for all the things I did that were wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “Maybe we could…have lunch twice a month or something. Coffee, burgers, something.”
Liz smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. “I’d like that. I’d really, really like that.” She leaned over and Jess held his arm over his head.
“One condition: don’t touch my hair.”