(no subject)
I wrote this a while ago when I needed to get it out......
When something arises, we don't communicate in the same way, and we will always end up locking horns in the end. If we can't break that pattern it will happen over and over again, which always ends up with us tired, frustated and feeling hurt and betrayed.
Nobody is doing anything wrong, really. We both feel justified in our actions/reactions. But, whereas your way to deal with things is to handle them on your own and find good solutions, sparing anyone unnecessary grief with a relatively small issue, when it comes to me, I am highly intuitive and can sense a problem through change and will then try to suss out what it is, because I need to know exactly where I stand. So what starts off as relatively no big deal, will culminate into bigger issues because the more you try to be good abt things, the harder I push for answers. I know full well that all I need to do is push your buttons to get the answer I am seeking, and that always happens when it's way too late because you don't like that and back off until your cornered. And by that time I am usually lashing out.
This is who we are and there is nothing wrong with that. We've always been relatively good friends and it's fairly obvious that we can get on marvelously well when things are good. Just throw one little canker in our finely tuned gears and everything totally falls apart.
As for me, I don't communicate properly and I know it. I'm working on that. I could do better and I could explain myself better instead of pushing things all the time. But when people around me start hedging, I start pushing or I walk away if it's not worth my time. I don't know if it's the same as walking on eggshells, but did you know I have always hated that sort of thing? I actually perfer brutal honesty and, in fact, embrace it.
I can't ask you to change. In fact, I wouldn't. I love you just the way you are. I know I need to change some aspects of myself, but I will never change who I am inside because then I will only end up betraying myself.
I'm hurting from this last blow, more than you could possibly know. You mean the world to me and I'd hate to lose you. And I can't tell you why because certain standards have been set which prevents me from saying anything. There's 2 things that I hold cherished in my heart which I have locked away for years because I have been led to believe you may think it inconsequential and insignificant that I hold these things dear. And hence, I believe if I say anything, I could lose you for good, so I say nothing and am satisfied that you are speaking to me at all. I will take what I can get, rather than have nothing at all.
When something arises, we don't communicate in the same way, and we will always end up locking horns in the end. If we can't break that pattern it will happen over and over again, which always ends up with us tired, frustated and feeling hurt and betrayed.
Nobody is doing anything wrong, really. We both feel justified in our actions/reactions. But, whereas your way to deal with things is to handle them on your own and find good solutions, sparing anyone unnecessary grief with a relatively small issue, when it comes to me, I am highly intuitive and can sense a problem through change and will then try to suss out what it is, because I need to know exactly where I stand. So what starts off as relatively no big deal, will culminate into bigger issues because the more you try to be good abt things, the harder I push for answers. I know full well that all I need to do is push your buttons to get the answer I am seeking, and that always happens when it's way too late because you don't like that and back off until your cornered. And by that time I am usually lashing out.
This is who we are and there is nothing wrong with that. We've always been relatively good friends and it's fairly obvious that we can get on marvelously well when things are good. Just throw one little canker in our finely tuned gears and everything totally falls apart.
As for me, I don't communicate properly and I know it. I'm working on that. I could do better and I could explain myself better instead of pushing things all the time. But when people around me start hedging, I start pushing or I walk away if it's not worth my time. I don't know if it's the same as walking on eggshells, but did you know I have always hated that sort of thing? I actually perfer brutal honesty and, in fact, embrace it.
I can't ask you to change. In fact, I wouldn't. I love you just the way you are. I know I need to change some aspects of myself, but I will never change who I am inside because then I will only end up betraying myself.
I'm hurting from this last blow, more than you could possibly know. You mean the world to me and I'd hate to lose you. And I can't tell you why because certain standards have been set which prevents me from saying anything. There's 2 things that I hold cherished in my heart which I have locked away for years because I have been led to believe you may think it inconsequential and insignificant that I hold these things dear. And hence, I believe if I say anything, I could lose you for good, so I say nothing and am satisfied that you are speaking to me at all. I will take what I can get, rather than have nothing at all.