FIC: Baby, I'm a Disciple! (1/?)
Fandom: Bible
Rating: R (implicit sex and really offensive biblical humor)
Pairing: Judas/Annas
A/N: If you don't appreciate really potentially offensive biblical humor, please don't read this and do all involved a favor. I am fully aware of the fact that I am going straight to hell, thank you.
“I have an idea.” Annas said, rolling over to face Judas.
“Get a whip and see what happens?”
“No, sadly,”
“Anything to do with Jesus?”
“Yeah!”
“No,”
“Oh, come on. You’ll be cool if you tell me where he is.”
“If I’m not cool, what are you doing here?”
“You’re not cool! You’re hot.”
“I do my best.”
“Me too,” Annas said as he leaned in for a kiss, which Judas happily returned.
-----------------
“Where the fuck have you been?” Peter demanded.
“Nowhere,”
“What were you doing?”
“No one, I mean, nothing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“How much do I have to deny for you to be happy?”
“Don’t deny! I never deny. I always tell the truth. Just like Jesus tells us to.”
“Right,”
Judas walked away before Peter had the chance to respond. These Jesus people never knew when to stop talking.
As usual, Jesus was surrounding by his adoring fans. Judas rarely talked to him alone anymore. How could he, when Jesus was never alone, except when he was being a complete drama queen as everyone else slept. Judas rolled his eyes just thinking about it. Jesus used to actually be quite tolerable, around two years ago. One might even say the two of them were friends.
Alas, things change. Judas knew this, knew this very well. Every day he was more tempted to just tell Annas and end this whole sordid thing. But then his usefulness would wear out, and he was beginning to like Annas. A lot. They used to just be fuckbuddies, but their relationship, or whatever you want to call it, was developing.
Judas almost wished one of those inane disciples would come talk to him about something petty and unimportant, just so he wouldn’t have to think about this. None of them did anymore, though. Judas’s rationality was a real downer to them. Such is the price of actually thinking about shit.
Judas sat in the encampment or whatever for a while longer before deciding to go find Annas again. He resolved to not to brood any longer over how incredibly fucked up this whole situation was.
Besides, at least Annas knew how to kiss properly, unlike any of the disciples. Judas knew this from experience. Jesus was really into orgies. Whatever.
Rating: R (implicit sex and really offensive biblical humor)
Pairing: Judas/Annas
A/N: If you don't appreciate really potentially offensive biblical humor, please don't read this and do all involved a favor. I am fully aware of the fact that I am going straight to hell, thank you.
“I have an idea.” Annas said, rolling over to face Judas.
“Get a whip and see what happens?”
“No, sadly,”
“Anything to do with Jesus?”
“Yeah!”
“No,”
“Oh, come on. You’ll be cool if you tell me where he is.”
“If I’m not cool, what are you doing here?”
“You’re not cool! You’re hot.”
“I do my best.”
“Me too,” Annas said as he leaned in for a kiss, which Judas happily returned.
-----------------
“Where the fuck have you been?” Peter demanded.
“Nowhere,”
“What were you doing?”
“No one, I mean, nothing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“How much do I have to deny for you to be happy?”
“Don’t deny! I never deny. I always tell the truth. Just like Jesus tells us to.”
“Right,”
Judas walked away before Peter had the chance to respond. These Jesus people never knew when to stop talking.
As usual, Jesus was surrounding by his adoring fans. Judas rarely talked to him alone anymore. How could he, when Jesus was never alone, except when he was being a complete drama queen as everyone else slept. Judas rolled his eyes just thinking about it. Jesus used to actually be quite tolerable, around two years ago. One might even say the two of them were friends.
Alas, things change. Judas knew this, knew this very well. Every day he was more tempted to just tell Annas and end this whole sordid thing. But then his usefulness would wear out, and he was beginning to like Annas. A lot. They used to just be fuckbuddies, but their relationship, or whatever you want to call it, was developing.
Judas almost wished one of those inane disciples would come talk to him about something petty and unimportant, just so he wouldn’t have to think about this. None of them did anymore, though. Judas’s rationality was a real downer to them. Such is the price of actually thinking about shit.
Judas sat in the encampment or whatever for a while longer before deciding to go find Annas again. He resolved to not to brood any longer over how incredibly fucked up this whole situation was.
Besides, at least Annas knew how to kiss properly, unlike any of the disciples. Judas knew this from experience. Jesus was really into orgies. Whatever.