Two and a Half Angels (3/?)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: (none)
Rating: R
“Why is this happening to me?” Cas whispered, wide-eyed. Adam wanted to comfort him, but he was horrified, himself. Gabe hadn’t spoken for half the movie.
Adam couldn’t believe he paid ten bucks for this shit.
“No! M Night…whatever! Stop with the extreme close-ups! Good Lord I feel like I’m being raped by the face of a racially ambiguous child!” he yelled, “And whose bright idea was it to see this fucking movie sober? Damnit, Cas!”
“Excuse me,” the guy behind them whispered, “Some of us are trying to watch the movie.”
“Why?!?” Cas cried, seemingly on the verge of tears, snapping around.
“Goddamnit Dev Patel, stop overemoting! And stop telling unconscious people your life story!”
“Guys, I might need to tap out.” Gabe said.
“No, Gabe! We’re all in this together!”
“Now I’m thinking of fucking High School Musical, Adam!” Gabe yelled, leaning to stare Adam down.
“That is messed up, Gabe,” Cas said, “They’re high school kids.”
Adam snickered.
“Shut the fuck up!” Gabe said as he stood, “I am gonna kick your asses!”
“No! No!” Adam said, “We are not getting in a fistfight at Avatar: The Last Airbender! That is way too Rahm Emanuel for my taste! Plus I’d, like, kill you, dude.”
“Wanna bet?!”
“How can something be too Rahm Emanuel?” Cas asked, turning.
Adam closed his mouth. Gabe furrowed his brow.
“Okay, good point.” Adam said. He and Gabe sat down.
“Hey, Gabe, you still got that absinthe?”
“I think so.”
“You snuck absinthe into a movie?” Cas said.
“Yeah,”
“Sweet,”
-----
“The balls is this?” Adam said, when they arrived back at the bar, after waiting out the absinthe at Old Chicago.
“The balls is what?” Gabe groaned.
Adam pointed. Gabe and Cas looked. There, across the street from Two and a Half Angels, was another bar; Satan’s Bar.
“No.” Gabe whispered.
“This is like fucking Goodburger or some shit!” Cas yelled, “Fuck! But Kenan and Kel aren’t here so it’s not as awesome!”
“Didn’t Kel die?” Adam said.
“No!” Cas replied.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure he did. He was doing heroin with Erik von Detten and overdosed and died.”
“Nuh-uh! Look it up, he’s not dead!”
“Fine, I will Wiki this shit on my phone! Wanna make it interesting?”
“I am not going to make a bet with you over whether or not Kel is dead. But since you asked, ten bucks,”
“Guys! Focus! We are in trouble! That bar is way cooler than ours!”
“Okay, fine, he’s on some show on Adult Swim.” Adam said, pocketing his phone and pulling out ten bucks.
“Score, broke even from Avatar.”
“We’ll never break even from Avatar, psychologically. I got all kinds of complexes now, you have no idea.”
“Seriously, guys! We are knee-deep right now!” Gabe yelled.
“Stop freaking out, Gabe, who would want to go a bar called Satan’s Bar?” Cas said, unlocking the door to the bar.
“I would,” Adam said, “Sounds like a fun time.”
Cas and Gabe turned to stare at Adam.
“Fuck,” Cas said.
-----
After they assigned temporary control of the bar over to Rhea Perlman, Gabe, Cas, and Adam went to Satan’s Bar, to assess the situation.
“Fuck,” Cas said when they walked in, “It’s a techno bar.”
There was a strobe light and fake smoke and a throbbing mass of people on the lower deck, apparently the dance section. The actual bar was glass, under which there were flashing lights.
“Man, we’re lucky to get 15 people at once in our bar.” Adam said as a girl dressed like Hello Kitty grinded on him. He wasn’t sure where she came from, but he wasn’t about to stop her. “Hey! They got shot glasses with a little penis in them! It’s erotic and hilarious!”
“We gotta find Satan.” Gabe said, “This is our turf. He’s gonna have to move his bar somewhere else.”
“Really?” Adam squeaked. A girl with a glow-in-the-dark beaded bikini top had joined Hello Kitty.
“Yes, Adam. Besides, those girls are demons.”
“And?”
“They both have gonorrhea.”
“And?”
“Of the throat,”
“Oh God!” Adam yelled, pushing their asses away from him, “Yeah, we gotta find Satan, this place is bad news.”
Gabe walked up to the bar.
“Where’s the owner?”
“Who wants to know?” The bartender asked.
Gabe pulled up his sleeve. The bartender nodded, and pulled the walkie-talkie from his belt. Adam couldn’t hear what he spoke into it.
“What’s on your arm?” Cas asked.
“Nothing. I have no idea why that worked.”
After a moment a large man stepped up to their group, and nodded, indicating that they were to follow.
They got to a door at the other end of the bar, guarded by another large man. It led to a set of stairs, leading to another door. The large man knocked.
“Yes?” Adam distinctly heard Satan’s voice.
“You have visitors.”
“So?”
“One of them’s, uh, an angel,”
Adam and Cas looked at Gabe, who shrugged.
“Ah, very well, then,” Satan said.
The door creaked open.
They entered, to see what appeared to be the exact set of Scarface’s office at the end of the movie, sans the large mound of cocaine. Adam was strangely disappointed.
“What do you want, Gabriel?” Satan hissed.
“Why’d you build your bar right across the street from ours?”
“The building was available.”
“No, it wasn’t. This used to be Four Asians.”
“They went out of business.” Satan said with a smile.
“They were in business yesterday. We ate there.”
“Well, after the injuries those four Asians sustained, they were physically unable to run the restaurant. I graciously bought the building from them.”
“You bastard!” Adam yelled, “Those four Asians were kind and generous! They always gave us free wonton soup!”
Cas grabbed Adam’s shoulder.
“Keep your cool,” he mumbled into Adam’s ear, “We’re with Satan and we have no salt.”
“That’s right,” Adam replied, clenching a fist, “Only pepper. Useless.”
“Look, Satan, the fact is you’re detracting from our business. Please, um, cease and desist.” Gabe said, weakly.
“It’s a free market, dear brother.”
Gabe sighed.
“I can’t even reason with you. There’s only one option left.”
Satan tilted his head to the side, bemused.
“We’re gonna put you out of business with our trendy bar!”
“Wait, what?” Adam said.
“Our new trendy bar,” Gabe said, grinning and placing his hands on his sides.
“I look forward to it.” Satan said.
“Come on guys, let’s bounce.” Gabe said, spinning around and striding toward the door. Cas followed.
“Just wondering, do you have any coke?”Adam asked.
“Adam!”
-----
Gabe was pacing back and forth.
“Ideas, ideas…” he kept mumbling.
“I can’t get a hold of Lindsay Lohan.” Cas said, “Damn, then we would have been trendy for sure.”
“Just so you guys know, I’m not actually Carla.”
“Shut up, Rhea Perlman!” Adam said, filling a glass from the tap, “Remember, we rescued you from Danny DeVito. You owe us.”
“Good point,” Rhea Perlman said, taking the glass and whisking away to the awaiting customer.
“Ideas, ideas…”
“That’s not gonna help you actually get ideas, Gabe.”
“You guys aren’t exactly helping, either!”
“Gabe, I’m working. Cas is drunk. We’re not in the best brainstorming states of mind. Besides, I really don’t see the problem. People are coming here to pregame for Satan’s Bar. That’s still significant business.”
“Ideas, ideas…”
“Are you sure this isn’t out of brotherly rivalry?”
Gabe turned sharply.
“I’m going upstairs.” With that, Gabe stormed off. Adam shook his head.
Pairing: (none)
Rating: R
“Why is this happening to me?” Cas whispered, wide-eyed. Adam wanted to comfort him, but he was horrified, himself. Gabe hadn’t spoken for half the movie.
Adam couldn’t believe he paid ten bucks for this shit.
“No! M Night…whatever! Stop with the extreme close-ups! Good Lord I feel like I’m being raped by the face of a racially ambiguous child!” he yelled, “And whose bright idea was it to see this fucking movie sober? Damnit, Cas!”
“Excuse me,” the guy behind them whispered, “Some of us are trying to watch the movie.”
“Why?!?” Cas cried, seemingly on the verge of tears, snapping around.
“Goddamnit Dev Patel, stop overemoting! And stop telling unconscious people your life story!”
“Guys, I might need to tap out.” Gabe said.
“No, Gabe! We’re all in this together!”
“Now I’m thinking of fucking High School Musical, Adam!” Gabe yelled, leaning to stare Adam down.
“That is messed up, Gabe,” Cas said, “They’re high school kids.”
Adam snickered.
“Shut the fuck up!” Gabe said as he stood, “I am gonna kick your asses!”
“No! No!” Adam said, “We are not getting in a fistfight at Avatar: The Last Airbender! That is way too Rahm Emanuel for my taste! Plus I’d, like, kill you, dude.”
“Wanna bet?!”
“How can something be too Rahm Emanuel?” Cas asked, turning.
Adam closed his mouth. Gabe furrowed his brow.
“Okay, good point.” Adam said. He and Gabe sat down.
“Hey, Gabe, you still got that absinthe?”
“I think so.”
“You snuck absinthe into a movie?” Cas said.
“Yeah,”
“Sweet,”
-----
“The balls is this?” Adam said, when they arrived back at the bar, after waiting out the absinthe at Old Chicago.
“The balls is what?” Gabe groaned.
Adam pointed. Gabe and Cas looked. There, across the street from Two and a Half Angels, was another bar; Satan’s Bar.
“No.” Gabe whispered.
“This is like fucking Goodburger or some shit!” Cas yelled, “Fuck! But Kenan and Kel aren’t here so it’s not as awesome!”
“Didn’t Kel die?” Adam said.
“No!” Cas replied.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure he did. He was doing heroin with Erik von Detten and overdosed and died.”
“Nuh-uh! Look it up, he’s not dead!”
“Fine, I will Wiki this shit on my phone! Wanna make it interesting?”
“I am not going to make a bet with you over whether or not Kel is dead. But since you asked, ten bucks,”
“Guys! Focus! We are in trouble! That bar is way cooler than ours!”
“Okay, fine, he’s on some show on Adult Swim.” Adam said, pocketing his phone and pulling out ten bucks.
“Score, broke even from Avatar.”
“We’ll never break even from Avatar, psychologically. I got all kinds of complexes now, you have no idea.”
“Seriously, guys! We are knee-deep right now!” Gabe yelled.
“Stop freaking out, Gabe, who would want to go a bar called Satan’s Bar?” Cas said, unlocking the door to the bar.
“I would,” Adam said, “Sounds like a fun time.”
Cas and Gabe turned to stare at Adam.
“Fuck,” Cas said.
-----
After they assigned temporary control of the bar over to Rhea Perlman, Gabe, Cas, and Adam went to Satan’s Bar, to assess the situation.
“Fuck,” Cas said when they walked in, “It’s a techno bar.”
There was a strobe light and fake smoke and a throbbing mass of people on the lower deck, apparently the dance section. The actual bar was glass, under which there were flashing lights.
“Man, we’re lucky to get 15 people at once in our bar.” Adam said as a girl dressed like Hello Kitty grinded on him. He wasn’t sure where she came from, but he wasn’t about to stop her. “Hey! They got shot glasses with a little penis in them! It’s erotic and hilarious!”
“We gotta find Satan.” Gabe said, “This is our turf. He’s gonna have to move his bar somewhere else.”
“Really?” Adam squeaked. A girl with a glow-in-the-dark beaded bikini top had joined Hello Kitty.
“Yes, Adam. Besides, those girls are demons.”
“And?”
“They both have gonorrhea.”
“And?”
“Of the throat,”
“Oh God!” Adam yelled, pushing their asses away from him, “Yeah, we gotta find Satan, this place is bad news.”
Gabe walked up to the bar.
“Where’s the owner?”
“Who wants to know?” The bartender asked.
Gabe pulled up his sleeve. The bartender nodded, and pulled the walkie-talkie from his belt. Adam couldn’t hear what he spoke into it.
“What’s on your arm?” Cas asked.
“Nothing. I have no idea why that worked.”
After a moment a large man stepped up to their group, and nodded, indicating that they were to follow.
They got to a door at the other end of the bar, guarded by another large man. It led to a set of stairs, leading to another door. The large man knocked.
“Yes?” Adam distinctly heard Satan’s voice.
“You have visitors.”
“So?”
“One of them’s, uh, an angel,”
Adam and Cas looked at Gabe, who shrugged.
“Ah, very well, then,” Satan said.
The door creaked open.
They entered, to see what appeared to be the exact set of Scarface’s office at the end of the movie, sans the large mound of cocaine. Adam was strangely disappointed.
“What do you want, Gabriel?” Satan hissed.
“Why’d you build your bar right across the street from ours?”
“The building was available.”
“No, it wasn’t. This used to be Four Asians.”
“They went out of business.” Satan said with a smile.
“They were in business yesterday. We ate there.”
“Well, after the injuries those four Asians sustained, they were physically unable to run the restaurant. I graciously bought the building from them.”
“You bastard!” Adam yelled, “Those four Asians were kind and generous! They always gave us free wonton soup!”
Cas grabbed Adam’s shoulder.
“Keep your cool,” he mumbled into Adam’s ear, “We’re with Satan and we have no salt.”
“That’s right,” Adam replied, clenching a fist, “Only pepper. Useless.”
“Look, Satan, the fact is you’re detracting from our business. Please, um, cease and desist.” Gabe said, weakly.
“It’s a free market, dear brother.”
Gabe sighed.
“I can’t even reason with you. There’s only one option left.”
Satan tilted his head to the side, bemused.
“We’re gonna put you out of business with our trendy bar!”
“Wait, what?” Adam said.
“Our new trendy bar,” Gabe said, grinning and placing his hands on his sides.
“I look forward to it.” Satan said.
“Come on guys, let’s bounce.” Gabe said, spinning around and striding toward the door. Cas followed.
“Just wondering, do you have any coke?”Adam asked.
“Adam!”
-----
Gabe was pacing back and forth.
“Ideas, ideas…” he kept mumbling.
“I can’t get a hold of Lindsay Lohan.” Cas said, “Damn, then we would have been trendy for sure.”
“Just so you guys know, I’m not actually Carla.”
“Shut up, Rhea Perlman!” Adam said, filling a glass from the tap, “Remember, we rescued you from Danny DeVito. You owe us.”
“Good point,” Rhea Perlman said, taking the glass and whisking away to the awaiting customer.
“Ideas, ideas…”
“That’s not gonna help you actually get ideas, Gabe.”
“You guys aren’t exactly helping, either!”
“Gabe, I’m working. Cas is drunk. We’re not in the best brainstorming states of mind. Besides, I really don’t see the problem. People are coming here to pregame for Satan’s Bar. That’s still significant business.”
“Ideas, ideas…”
“Are you sure this isn’t out of brotherly rivalry?”
Gabe turned sharply.
“I’m going upstairs.” With that, Gabe stormed off. Adam shook his head.