many thoughts in my little head

[rlp8604]

Sic transit gloria, the path of glory fades. It seems like lately my glory has been fading fast and I can do nothing to stop it from doing so. It seems like all to much we are always struggling to just keep our heads above the water and never just attempt to swim. The semester is coming to an end and not only do I feel like I haven't done as well as I can but also I feel like I dont want to leave due to the sole reason I dont want to say goodbye to my friends and have to go back to life in Orchard Lake. Don't get me wrong I like Orchard lake and all but I cant stand the people there, as they believe you have to have a high monetary value to get anywhere in life and I just dont believe that to be true. I guess the real fear is that I am losing my family once again as that is what my friends always have been to me and always will be. To me I have very few friends but I do have many brothers and sisters and I would do anything for them. I guess there are a few quotes that could work for all this but knowing me I am going to use more than a few. One that comes right to mind is this one from the series Taken, "My mom told me once that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you". To me this is so true and it seems like all I have been doing is building that wall higher and higher to try and keep the new scary things in life out and try to remain in my old life style but after reading that I came to me you can never live your old life because that fear will always be there in the back of your head and you cant just erase those memories. I think we struggle to move on in life because we strive so hard to hold on to that little innocence that we once had as children but we come to find out that you cant hold on to that forever. some day you have to grow up and understand that the true world has little innocence left in it and that uou have to be on your own and be tough. Another quote that comes to mind is also from taken, "When you're little, you like to think you know everything, but the last thing you really want is to know too much. What you really want is for grown-ups to make the world a safe place where dreams can come true and promises are never broken. And when you're little, it doesn't seem like a lot to ask". This is so very true it seems like we strive to come to know everything, like we are some inquizitive and curious species when in fact all we really want it seems if for someone else to make our world safe for us and for someone else to know everything for us. It is like we are constantly walking into that unknown, we are walking into that mist on a path never traveled and no matter who you are and how brave you are you are always going to be scared because you never know what is lurking around the bend or in the mist to jump out at you or hurt you but regardless you always have to stand steadfast and strong and try to brave through it the best you can. "Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new, all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to be honest, not to live as if nothing had changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be".

going to be finished after exams