SAGES LOG: Musing on Relationships
In which Remy does just that--muses on his relationship.
I wanted her from the first time I really realized who and what she was. Not 'love at first sight', exactly, but close enough that people don't see the difference no more. Thrill of the chase, that sorta stupid machismo thing I used to go in for a lot more when I was a pup. Hell, I still sorta do, sometimes. But, she was something I couldn't have, something I couldn't get, and that made it all the more enticing. She was just that ultimate pinch, and I was the ultimate thief.
This is me admitting it. In the beginning, it was all about me. Nothing knightly, nothing destined. Just me, wanting what I couldn't have, and thinking I was good enough to get it. I was right; I was good enough. Kicker was I didn't figure on getting taken in myself.
She's a hell of a woman, and the more I kept close, the more I figured it out. Like me, she had a criminal past, and like me she was struggling not to fall back into old habits, bad ways. She pushed people away because she was scared of hurting people who got too close, but ain't nobody pushed like I'd pushed. They'd always sort of used her and then put her aside, and I could sympathise. The love didn't take too much longer to crop up, but if you asked, I couldn't tell you when it happened. It just did, and by the time I caught my breath enough to figure it out, it didn't bother me none. Funny how things sneak up on you like that.
I done a lot of thawing out, since I known her. My relationship with Bel wasn't never so soft, or so difficult. Me and Bel was real pragmatic. Come together, get what we wanted from each other, leave. Was like a business transaction. Knowing what I was doing came later; mutant charm helps you get the chance to really learn the ropes. But even then, it was business. Even with Candra. Especially with Candra. Cut and dry, with a layer of satin to make it look nice.
Wasn't never that way with Rogue. Part of that's by necessity, but part of it I can't really explain. Maybe it's just that she ain't the type to put up with no shit. She wanted more, and I guess it made me realize I wanted more, too.
We been through a lot, me and her, had our moments where nothing been in our way, moments when one or the other of us screwed up real bad. I keep finding that, no matter how much I wander, or how many times we fight, we always end up coming back together. She got little pieces of me in her that I ain't never getting back, and maybe I'm still drawn to them. Drawn to her. But I don't mind that. I wasn't using them anyway.
I wanted her from the first time I really realized who and what she was. Not 'love at first sight', exactly, but close enough that people don't see the difference no more. Thrill of the chase, that sorta stupid machismo thing I used to go in for a lot more when I was a pup. Hell, I still sorta do, sometimes. But, she was something I couldn't have, something I couldn't get, and that made it all the more enticing. She was just that ultimate pinch, and I was the ultimate thief.
This is me admitting it. In the beginning, it was all about me. Nothing knightly, nothing destined. Just me, wanting what I couldn't have, and thinking I was good enough to get it. I was right; I was good enough. Kicker was I didn't figure on getting taken in myself.
She's a hell of a woman, and the more I kept close, the more I figured it out. Like me, she had a criminal past, and like me she was struggling not to fall back into old habits, bad ways. She pushed people away because she was scared of hurting people who got too close, but ain't nobody pushed like I'd pushed. They'd always sort of used her and then put her aside, and I could sympathise. The love didn't take too much longer to crop up, but if you asked, I couldn't tell you when it happened. It just did, and by the time I caught my breath enough to figure it out, it didn't bother me none. Funny how things sneak up on you like that.
I done a lot of thawing out, since I known her. My relationship with Bel wasn't never so soft, or so difficult. Me and Bel was real pragmatic. Come together, get what we wanted from each other, leave. Was like a business transaction. Knowing what I was doing came later; mutant charm helps you get the chance to really learn the ropes. But even then, it was business. Even with Candra. Especially with Candra. Cut and dry, with a layer of satin to make it look nice.
Wasn't never that way with Rogue. Part of that's by necessity, but part of it I can't really explain. Maybe it's just that she ain't the type to put up with no shit. She wanted more, and I guess it made me realize I wanted more, too.
We been through a lot, me and her, had our moments where nothing been in our way, moments when one or the other of us screwed up real bad. I keep finding that, no matter how much I wander, or how many times we fight, we always end up coming back together. She got little pieces of me in her that I ain't never getting back, and maybe I'm still drawn to them. Drawn to her. But I don't mind that. I wasn't using them anyway.