Funny Critique comments
From Rinda: I’ve been going through some of our last few critiques and surprisingly, it’s hard to find the funnier comments that don’t give away spoilers. For instance, in one of Rachel’s books, she has some seriously cool um, things. I was fascinated and asked all kinds of weird questions. We’ll have to share some of those after that book comes out.
Readers here seemed to really enjoy the actual critique comments from our manuscripts when I shared them before, so I’m sharing again. (And yeah, one of the Rachel comments is referring to one of my misplaced modifiers. Actually, that time, I just neglected to put in a verb. Hey, I was rushed. It happens.)
Rinda:
“You so have to make a Borg reference in here somewhere.”
“Wait, they’re sitting on the floor in the hall? Okay, are there any other people walking past? Making noise? Is the floor dotted with scraps of paper and dust shoved against the edges?”
“Could she “show” his happiness first either in step or expression?”
“I’d lose this. What he’s done is pretty bad and I don’t think she’d be thinking this. Not yet. “
“Wow, the implications blow the mind here. This could be revisited in the future. Sociopaths in the making…”
“I hope you describe the smell in the next chapter because I wanted to know what it smelled like in the paragraph that ended with whiff of beer on him.”
“Oh, this is such a BAD idea. I felt the foreshadowing dread crawl up my back with this. I suppose you want that. ;)”
Rachel:
“You’ve already said this, but frankly I think I like it better here than before. Any way you could avoid explaining earlier to leave this bit in?”
“Need a verb in here somewhere. Or maybe a subject. I assume you don’t mean that the coat nearly freaked out. ;-)”
“Wasn’t it you who used to tell me that eyes couldn’t meet? Only gazes? ”
“In my own work, I would cut this, but you don’t seem to overuse “nodded” like I do. ;-) But you could cut the first sentence and start with “Vanir nodded.”
“She’s one of him? That doesn’t make sense. Do you mean she’s like him? That she’s whatever he is?”
“Ha! Now my question is: is it a hostile takeover?”
“Why can’t he lift his head? A horseshoe shouldn’t stop his neck from working.”
“Ew. But I get what you’re saying.”
Readers here seemed to really enjoy the actual critique comments from our manuscripts when I shared them before, so I’m sharing again. (And yeah, one of the Rachel comments is referring to one of my misplaced modifiers. Actually, that time, I just neglected to put in a verb. Hey, I was rushed. It happens.)
Rinda:
“You so have to make a Borg reference in here somewhere.”
“Wait, they’re sitting on the floor in the hall? Okay, are there any other people walking past? Making noise? Is the floor dotted with scraps of paper and dust shoved against the edges?”
“Could she “show” his happiness first either in step or expression?”
“I’d lose this. What he’s done is pretty bad and I don’t think she’d be thinking this. Not yet. “
“Wow, the implications blow the mind here. This could be revisited in the future. Sociopaths in the making…”
“I hope you describe the smell in the next chapter because I wanted to know what it smelled like in the paragraph that ended with whiff of beer on him.”
“Oh, this is such a BAD idea. I felt the foreshadowing dread crawl up my back with this. I suppose you want that. ;)”
Rachel:
“You’ve already said this, but frankly I think I like it better here than before. Any way you could avoid explaining earlier to leave this bit in?”
“Need a verb in here somewhere. Or maybe a subject. I assume you don’t mean that the coat nearly freaked out. ;-)”
“Wasn’t it you who used to tell me that eyes couldn’t meet? Only gazes? ”
“In my own work, I would cut this, but you don’t seem to overuse “nodded” like I do. ;-) But you could cut the first sentence and start with “Vanir nodded.”
“She’s one of him? That doesn’t make sense. Do you mean she’s like him? That she’s whatever he is?”
“Ha! Now my question is: is it a hostile takeover?”
“Why can’t he lift his head? A horseshoe shouldn’t stop his neck from working.”
“Ew. But I get what you’re saying.”