No, I'm not doing fine, so don't ask stupid questions
I hate how many people keep coming up to me and asking me how I am doing. I want to shake them and say "What do you think you moron, my father is DEAD." But I don't, I hold my tongue and try to say something polite about how it is hard or complicated or both. It's so incredibly hard, just so hard. If you've not lost a parent, I don't think you can have any idea. I keep expecting him to call, I keep wanting to call him to share something stupid from my day, and I can't and it sucks.
We can't find my dad's college ring. He use to wear it all the time when I was a kid, but somehow, no one can find it. We can't find his old wedding band he had stopped wearing as his relationship with my Mom fell apart. We can't find the mezzuah my Aunt gave him which he use to carry with him all the time. We can't find his ugly Democrats mug he use to love to drink coffee from. I'm starting to wonder if these things will ever found and what it means if they're not.
On a lighter and only tangentially related note, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've taken up jogging. I'm not really looking to lose weight, so much as I want to be in better shape. I don't want to have type 2 diabetes or heart issues because I never exercise. I am hoping of course I will lose some weight because of it, but it's a secondary goal to just being physically fit. I started jogging in January when I was stressed out and ready to scream. I like jogging because you don't need another person, you don't need expensive exercise equipment, and at least here, I can just do it whenever someone else is watching Adina by just going out. I like having time alone to think when I jog and just look around, it helps me work out stress and better ground myself. Of course the problem with jogging where I live is, I live on a hill. My street, and the two other streets that come off of it all dead end. One is relatively flat, but the other one climbs about 200 feet in around 1/3 of a mile, mine goes down about 200 feet in about 1/2 mile before it ends, but of course getting back you have to run back up those 200 feet. Originally, my goal was a Mother's Day 5k in my town. I use to run 5ks without too much training back in High School, so I figured with training I should be able to do a 5k. Now, my goal is a 10 mile race at Disney. (The pluses of Disney is FL is completely flat and no snow.) Right before my Dad died I got to 3.5 miles. I did 3.5 again today. So I can easily do my 5k now and I'm about 1/3 of the way to my 10 miles. I'm as slow as a herd of turtles, but I will do it.
We can't find my dad's college ring. He use to wear it all the time when I was a kid, but somehow, no one can find it. We can't find his old wedding band he had stopped wearing as his relationship with my Mom fell apart. We can't find the mezzuah my Aunt gave him which he use to carry with him all the time. We can't find his ugly Democrats mug he use to love to drink coffee from. I'm starting to wonder if these things will ever found and what it means if they're not.
On a lighter and only tangentially related note, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've taken up jogging. I'm not really looking to lose weight, so much as I want to be in better shape. I don't want to have type 2 diabetes or heart issues because I never exercise. I am hoping of course I will lose some weight because of it, but it's a secondary goal to just being physically fit. I started jogging in January when I was stressed out and ready to scream. I like jogging because you don't need another person, you don't need expensive exercise equipment, and at least here, I can just do it whenever someone else is watching Adina by just going out. I like having time alone to think when I jog and just look around, it helps me work out stress and better ground myself. Of course the problem with jogging where I live is, I live on a hill. My street, and the two other streets that come off of it all dead end. One is relatively flat, but the other one climbs about 200 feet in around 1/3 of a mile, mine goes down about 200 feet in about 1/2 mile before it ends, but of course getting back you have to run back up those 200 feet. Originally, my goal was a Mother's Day 5k in my town. I use to run 5ks without too much training back in High School, so I figured with training I should be able to do a 5k. Now, my goal is a 10 mile race at Disney. (The pluses of Disney is FL is completely flat and no snow.) Right before my Dad died I got to 3.5 miles. I did 3.5 again today. So I can easily do my 5k now and I'm about 1/3 of the way to my 10 miles. I'm as slow as a herd of turtles, but I will do it.