I havent
I havent typed up a really really meaningful entry in a while so all this energyis built up inside me and I am ready to spill it onto here. I'm in a glass cage of emotion and if you don't wanna hear stop reading!
I know I can tell you all but I haven't had the chance to. I am going to tell you. It's like having your first goldfish die. You know it's dead but you can't flush it. I know it's there, and I want to tell you all but it's mine. It's the one thing I know is true and I need to be true to myself. It's one of the only things I have that I know is real. I can't lose that... my only hope to stay the Renee you all know and love.
And when it comes to "Ahem Ahem." Last night I found out something that I could not believe was true. I could not define how... lost I had felt. Imagine how happy you would be if someone you have been missing for the longest time had come back, and you were able to speak touch and feel them, and then you find out it's all a dream. THATS how I felt. Let down. Upset. Dismayed. I couldn't believe it. And then on top of it all I couldnt distinguish what it was that I was feeling at the time. I just... couldn't believe it. And it really wasn't even a big deal. Someone opened the door for me and shut and locked it right in my face, before I was able to embrace it.
I want him to like me. I mean we flirt. And we act like pals. I look at him when I think he's not looking and when he turns his head towards me I quickly look away. And sometimes I catch him doing the same. He will "insult" me and then quickly cover it up as if he were trying to stop but can't because he doesn't want his true feelings exposed. As were driving really late at night, he'll put his head in my lap. But then picks it up and laughs. So I return the gesture and move as well. I want to be able to be open with him and just say "ILOVEYOU" but I just can't build up the courage. Im a coward when it comes to people I love. I just can't admit it for I am afraid of his true feelings opposed to mine.
I am truly graetful for everything I have. I mean, in america there are so many problems it seems like venom flowing through my veins and I see familys in dispute over teenages struggling over cyrstal meth and crack cocaine. And the few people that promise us commitment and security turn their backs and deal with there own infections. Why can't the world be less chaotic, and we can all mellow out.
Maybe someday.
This entry may not be as great as expected, however, I will leave you with this to reflect on. Comment if you have questions or comments.
I LOVE YOU
lovvs
ur special someone
I know I can tell you all but I haven't had the chance to. I am going to tell you. It's like having your first goldfish die. You know it's dead but you can't flush it. I know it's there, and I want to tell you all but it's mine. It's the one thing I know is true and I need to be true to myself. It's one of the only things I have that I know is real. I can't lose that... my only hope to stay the Renee you all know and love.
And when it comes to "Ahem Ahem." Last night I found out something that I could not believe was true. I could not define how... lost I had felt. Imagine how happy you would be if someone you have been missing for the longest time had come back, and you were able to speak touch and feel them, and then you find out it's all a dream. THATS how I felt. Let down. Upset. Dismayed. I couldn't believe it. And then on top of it all I couldnt distinguish what it was that I was feeling at the time. I just... couldn't believe it. And it really wasn't even a big deal. Someone opened the door for me and shut and locked it right in my face, before I was able to embrace it.
I want him to like me. I mean we flirt. And we act like pals. I look at him when I think he's not looking and when he turns his head towards me I quickly look away. And sometimes I catch him doing the same. He will "insult" me and then quickly cover it up as if he were trying to stop but can't because he doesn't want his true feelings exposed. As were driving really late at night, he'll put his head in my lap. But then picks it up and laughs. So I return the gesture and move as well. I want to be able to be open with him and just say "ILOVEYOU" but I just can't build up the courage. Im a coward when it comes to people I love. I just can't admit it for I am afraid of his true feelings opposed to mine.
I am truly graetful for everything I have. I mean, in america there are so many problems it seems like venom flowing through my veins and I see familys in dispute over teenages struggling over cyrstal meth and crack cocaine. And the few people that promise us commitment and security turn their backs and deal with there own infections. Why can't the world be less chaotic, and we can all mellow out.
Maybe someday.
This entry may not be as great as expected, however, I will leave you with this to reflect on. Comment if you have questions or comments.
I LOVE YOU
lovvs
ur special someone