(no subject)
i dont think i updated you enough. well no nearly enough . i havent updated in awhile
ok so lets start . the first semester of my school year was probably the most confusing time, made some really bad decisions, did things i knew wasnt me, and finally kicked my side after it was over for being such an idiot, i started doing things i knew i shouldnt be doing but i had never once in my life been given the chance to do them
then second semester rolls around . can you say drama? i cant tell you what we all went through, ive made so many new friends i couldnt believe, it was still full of aloottt of bad decisions. hurt someone i never meant too, but there was one very very good one and that was meeting mark <3
i got baby ducks and couldnt keep them in my dorm so now they stay in new hope and miss them alot
i miss my family and my friends alot. more then you know. it doesnt even feel like summer. the only reason im honestly still here is because of mark.
i felt like giving up alot this year . thats bad. i guess its just cause with grandpa dieing . it just knocked me off track. alot . then again who didnt it knock off track . my family still a mess. im still a mess. everyone misses him so much . and everynight till i met mark i was afraid to sleep cause the funeral kept replaying in my head. me not being able to breathe the day i found out on the phone . i cant get it out of my head lately....
i still feel so iffy about everything. my brother, my LITTLE brother graduated high school, i feel so old.. and it makes me sad cause it just goes to show how much im missing
but i had this thing happen to me ...i was walking back from the freshman lot and i got to the stairs to go up the hill and there was this penny just standing up on its side.. and it hit me that i saw that penny in my dream like so long ago . and i just sat there and starred at it. i got the most amazing feeling ever. it made me realize that at that exact moment i was exactly where i was supposed to be and doing exactly what i was meant to be doing. and from that day on last week . i havent second guessed what i was doing once.
the family still isnt over grandpa nd that made me depressed matts and laurens graduation party i almost broke down as i sat there with my grandma and had to see that same face i saw at the funeral...
i was compelled to go to confession the sunday before i went home...its a long story short i had a dream that freaked me out and i needed advice, and i got it , thank God
eh what else ... my parents think im a failure in school... prolly doing the worst ive ever done, and that makes me upset cause ive been working so hard... and i dont want to move out of del val
uhm did i mention my parents are moving .. fucking great right ?
ugh .. thank God i got to see cort this weekend like... i thought i was goign to die if i didnt
alright idk thats all for now
dont get me wrong im happy but everythings kind of mushed together right now