(no subject)
I'm just so tired of it all. I'm tired of pretending everything is okay. It's not.
My kids don't listen, I feel like the worst parent ever. No matter what goes on, it's always my fault cos I wanted a kid or cos I wanted to moveout of the apartment and get a house. Zap has destroyed everything..absolutely everything. If we move out mom will have to sell as is cos Nick and the kids have ruined the house. Nick has stabbed holes in the wall with a kitchwn knife, yanked the banister off the wall, knocked doors off their hinges cos he ran into them with his wheelchair on purpose. Zap and Bella have broken off drawers in the bedrooms and kitchen, drawn all over the walls etc. All I want to do is scream anymore. There are times when Nick runs his mouth blaming me for everything that I want to just grab a pan and bash his brains in. I'm always so angry or crying...I just want to ignore them. Every time I go to clean one room they mess it up. They've broken my bed. We literally have no fucking money ans can't pay bills...but I have to make sure he has money for weed each week cos he NEEDS it...it's his medicine. I feel like my chest is going to explode. All I can think about is how soon I'm going to die.
My kids don't listen, I feel like the worst parent ever. No matter what goes on, it's always my fault cos I wanted a kid or cos I wanted to moveout of the apartment and get a house. Zap has destroyed everything..absolutely everything. If we move out mom will have to sell as is cos Nick and the kids have ruined the house. Nick has stabbed holes in the wall with a kitchwn knife, yanked the banister off the wall, knocked doors off their hinges cos he ran into them with his wheelchair on purpose. Zap and Bella have broken off drawers in the bedrooms and kitchen, drawn all over the walls etc. All I want to do is scream anymore. There are times when Nick runs his mouth blaming me for everything that I want to just grab a pan and bash his brains in. I'm always so angry or crying...I just want to ignore them. Every time I go to clean one room they mess it up. They've broken my bed. We literally have no fucking money ans can't pay bills...but I have to make sure he has money for weed each week cos he NEEDS it...it's his medicine. I feel like my chest is going to explode. All I can think about is how soon I'm going to die.