fuck my life!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
I can't even think properly now. I mean, really guys. My brain fucking hurts and I just want to cry and I'm shaking and everything.
Remember Nick? You know....THE guy? The one that I haven't heard from in about a year and a fucking half??? HE WAS IN THE FUCKING STORE TODAY!!!!! I fucking lost it, I can't even explain. Okay. *takes deep breath* I was walking past UScan and about to say something to Michelle when I saw him with his friend that comes in all the time, Josh. He didn't see me. And I kept walking. And I walked straight to the office cos I started hyperventilating and shaking and crying. So I calmed down and walked back to Uscan to check out my groceries. I was waiting in line and they were still checking out and he glanced at me a couple of times but didn't say anything. I was trying to be cool and I didn't say anything to him either cos HELLO?!?! what would I say?! That I still think about him and I miss him and I want him back oh so bad? Yah, that would go over well I'm sure. So then I go and start checking out my groceries and I start talking to Michelle. No problem. Then as he and his friend are getting ready to leave, he looks at me just as I look up and he smiles and says "Oh, hi!" and I'm like, "Hey." and turn away. I'm sure I was red. FUUUUUUCK!! So I finish my order and try to remain cool and they walk out the door and I start crying. UGH! And I ran to Ed cos he was the only one there that would understand what was going on. So I tried waiting long enough to give them time to leave the parking lot before I walked out but they were still there when Justin aka cute new bagger walked me out. So me and him are talking about why I'm upset and Nick and Josh drive by and Nick waves to me as they leave.
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
How am I supposed to feel about that? I know it's been over a year and I SHOULD be over him by now, but I'm not. I mean, I really really liked him. Totally infatuated. And he was CUTE you guys!!! As a fat girl, I don't get super cute guys that like me. And he was just....okay he wasn't perfect, but he was awesome. And I still think about him! And now my head is spinning trying to figure this out. And I just don't know what to do. And what if he comes in the store again!? I should have just went up to him and talked to him...I have so much to say him. But I can't....I'm so bad at boystuff like this! I hate it!!!
Fuck this shit. I'm drinking!!!