If you get offended easily don't read this I need to vent out my feelings
This post is going to piss some people off. So don't bitch, I already warned you. I'm only posting this for two reason I need to get it out of my system and I need advice.
Ok so here's the problem. The girl from Albany that I always talk about that I met in NC while visiting my grandparents is getting married and she's thinks she pregnant. She didn't take any tests yet but just suspects it. It could go either way. Apparently right after I left when I saw her in September she met up with a ex-boyfriend she's only known a year and a half. They started redating again around mid September and two weeks ago he asked her to marry him. She said yes and when I talked to her last night she said she may be pregnant. By the way she told me she was getting married and possibly pregnant all at once last night. I was so speech less it wasn't funny. It was like someone took out my heart and ran over it. I guess she didn't have the same feelings for me as I do for her. Although it seemed like we did. But I'm no good at that stuff anyway. So what do I know? I don't know what to do. I never told her how I really felt about her. I went around saying how I felt without exactly telling her thinking that maybe the stuff I was saying would make her believe what I was feeling. It’s the shy part of me that kept me from telling her how I really felt. I want to tell her so much how much I loved her. Even though we never dated she is the only girl who cared for me. She called me all the time, when we down in NC we would be hanging out all the time. We went to the junior dance together. We have so much in common and got along so well. She liked me for me. She didn't care how I dressed, how my haired looked. That I look dorky. She looked past all that. Something I could never get in Woodbridge because no offense to anyone but I get judged by the way I look all the time. And that’s way I have never had and probaly will never have a girlfriend not because I don't try because I do but because everyone sees me as a nerd/dork. And the more I try to dress like everyone else the more everyone looks past it and still thinks of me as the nerd from high school. Isn't that reason why no one invites me anywhere or calls or ims me to see how I’m doing. If its not then I don't know why I don't get accepted by everyone. I truly believe if I stopped talking to a couple of my friends they would care less. For once in my life I would like to be accepted by everyone and get invited to things instead of always inviting myself and ask can I go with you. It won't happen and none will comment on this because they don't care and other people whine and complain and cry asking for attention and get all the comments in the world. They think they have it so bad. Try living a life at almost 23 years old without ever knowing what love is and having a few friends. I'm tired of people who think they have it so bad when they really don't have it bad at all. By the way that rant wasn't directed to anyone its just a general concenses.
Anyway back on topic, when I was with her in July and September she treated me like family. And I guess that’s the answer she likes me like a brother. I know her whole family. Her grandparents are friends with my grandparents. It was like it was meant to be. We never got bored with each other we had two arguments in the 8 years I've known her.
And now on to more stuff that’s going to piss off people. I'm not judging people but, Why do people throw away there lives at 22 and start a family. There is so much more you can do with your life than start a family a young age like that. Please go and live it before you take on the responsibility’s of a family. Our generation doesn't seem to understand that and they rush to have kids and start a family. Ok I can see if you can afford it, have a stable job and know what you are going to be doing with your life. If you have plans of where you’re going to live and you thought it out everyway possible way and can support each other and a baby. Then by all means go start a family. But in this situation none of that apply. She can’t support herself, she quit collage 2 years ago, and she tried living in apartment last year and couldn't afford it so she moved in with a family friend. She stopped living at home because she can't get along with her mom. She baby-sits and bartends for a living. And her future husband still lives with his parents and works in mattress warehouse unloading trucks. That is what I want to tell her along with how a really feel about her. I've asked two people so far about it and they said just let it go and let her get married and live her life. But I can't sit back and see this happened without knowing what could of have been. And without her knowing how I felt about her and about how I feel about her getting married, I can't be ok without her knowing it.
Now after all that I'm sure people are pissed off at what I said and I'm sorry to anyone I offended but this is a journal and I need to vent my feelings because no one else seems to care. So I'm asking whoever reads this to comment good or bad on this. Friend or no friend someone please give me advice or the satisfaction that you care.
Ok so here's the problem. The girl from Albany that I always talk about that I met in NC while visiting my grandparents is getting married and she's thinks she pregnant. She didn't take any tests yet but just suspects it. It could go either way. Apparently right after I left when I saw her in September she met up with a ex-boyfriend she's only known a year and a half. They started redating again around mid September and two weeks ago he asked her to marry him. She said yes and when I talked to her last night she said she may be pregnant. By the way she told me she was getting married and possibly pregnant all at once last night. I was so speech less it wasn't funny. It was like someone took out my heart and ran over it. I guess she didn't have the same feelings for me as I do for her. Although it seemed like we did. But I'm no good at that stuff anyway. So what do I know? I don't know what to do. I never told her how I really felt about her. I went around saying how I felt without exactly telling her thinking that maybe the stuff I was saying would make her believe what I was feeling. It’s the shy part of me that kept me from telling her how I really felt. I want to tell her so much how much I loved her. Even though we never dated she is the only girl who cared for me. She called me all the time, when we down in NC we would be hanging out all the time. We went to the junior dance together. We have so much in common and got along so well. She liked me for me. She didn't care how I dressed, how my haired looked. That I look dorky. She looked past all that. Something I could never get in Woodbridge because no offense to anyone but I get judged by the way I look all the time. And that’s way I have never had and probaly will never have a girlfriend not because I don't try because I do but because everyone sees me as a nerd/dork. And the more I try to dress like everyone else the more everyone looks past it and still thinks of me as the nerd from high school. Isn't that reason why no one invites me anywhere or calls or ims me to see how I’m doing. If its not then I don't know why I don't get accepted by everyone. I truly believe if I stopped talking to a couple of my friends they would care less. For once in my life I would like to be accepted by everyone and get invited to things instead of always inviting myself and ask can I go with you. It won't happen and none will comment on this because they don't care and other people whine and complain and cry asking for attention and get all the comments in the world. They think they have it so bad. Try living a life at almost 23 years old without ever knowing what love is and having a few friends. I'm tired of people who think they have it so bad when they really don't have it bad at all. By the way that rant wasn't directed to anyone its just a general concenses.
Anyway back on topic, when I was with her in July and September she treated me like family. And I guess that’s the answer she likes me like a brother. I know her whole family. Her grandparents are friends with my grandparents. It was like it was meant to be. We never got bored with each other we had two arguments in the 8 years I've known her.
And now on to more stuff that’s going to piss off people. I'm not judging people but, Why do people throw away there lives at 22 and start a family. There is so much more you can do with your life than start a family a young age like that. Please go and live it before you take on the responsibility’s of a family. Our generation doesn't seem to understand that and they rush to have kids and start a family. Ok I can see if you can afford it, have a stable job and know what you are going to be doing with your life. If you have plans of where you’re going to live and you thought it out everyway possible way and can support each other and a baby. Then by all means go start a family. But in this situation none of that apply. She can’t support herself, she quit collage 2 years ago, and she tried living in apartment last year and couldn't afford it so she moved in with a family friend. She stopped living at home because she can't get along with her mom. She baby-sits and bartends for a living. And her future husband still lives with his parents and works in mattress warehouse unloading trucks. That is what I want to tell her along with how a really feel about her. I've asked two people so far about it and they said just let it go and let her get married and live her life. But I can't sit back and see this happened without knowing what could of have been. And without her knowing how I felt about her and about how I feel about her getting married, I can't be ok without her knowing it.
Now after all that I'm sure people are pissed off at what I said and I'm sorry to anyone I offended but this is a journal and I need to vent my feelings because no one else seems to care. So I'm asking whoever reads this to comment good or bad on this. Friend or no friend someone please give me advice or the satisfaction that you care.