Things just seem to get harder
I knew this month was going to be hard. Coming up on the one year anniversary of my fathers death. I was handling things well. Then out of the blue, my boss, my friend, my whatever the hell you call him passes away suddenly. And I was thrust into making sure this business stays open. Thrust into watching everyone else shatter. Trying to be the solid individual that everyone needs. In doing so I have been thanked and cursed.
Now I just keep on keeping on, while in my mind I have no idea where I'm going. I've been handling most o this business for around a year now, but the intricate details. Paperwork, Jerry rigging the appliances and taps. Silly things that keep things limping along.
I guess the good thing in the situation is that D and I didn't find a house in some other town yet. As much as we both want to leave, we can't let this place go. Maybe things will calm down. Maybe my mind will kick itself in the ass and I will have the brainpower and insight to know what needs to be done. All I know is right now I'm floundering. And that there is no one to turn to for help. Iain was my go to guy. Things that were over my head were old hat to him. He left me here half trained and hopeful. But damn does it hurt. It's terrifying. So much more than just my personal survival is riding on my shoulders and it seems to heavy a burden to carry most days.
But there were more people that knew him longer, loved him stronger, than I did. And I feel like such an ass to feel the way I do.
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