Because I Still Loved You
In the midst of all anxiety, I’m met with all this euphoria whenever our paths cross. I’ve always believed this happiness was only temporary. You were too good to be true… to be eternal.
The first time I met you, I’ve become addicted already. My day wouldn’t be complete without seeing even just a simple glance of your smile. I know it’s not directed to me, I’ve known that since forever. I would just make myself believe that it was indeed for me. False happiness can make you happy even for just a few minutes.
Months passed and I keep my daily routine of looking at you. You never notice, right? Or maybe you did notice… and just kept it. Maybe you like people looking at you secretly. You were aware that lots of people like you. I’m one of those many people and you know that, right? I don’t care. As long as I take my daily dose of drug, I’m happy.
I’ve never dreamt of talking to you, ever. It’s like something as impossible as flying without wings. Who knew that that day would come? Who knew that day was the day I least expected it?
I remembered it like it was only yesterday when it’s been years. I walked down the hallway because of an errand. I’ve done this a million times but who knew that day was different? Special?
As I opened the door to my destination, I saw you there, sleeping. I stopped. My world stopped. Everything stopped. I saw your face so peaceful and beautiful. I stared at you. I wanted time to stop. I wanted it to last forever. I tried to touch you but I remembered my purpose of being there. I sigh at my actions and went on with what I was ordered to do. Before going out, I took one last glance. But then, you smiled. You smiled the smile I loved so much. Without thinking, I approached you and kissed you. When I realized what I did, I took a step back but I noticed a pair of eyes looking at mine. Your face was filled with shock and questions. What was I doing? I had to get out but I couldn’t move after seeing you walk towards me. I froze. I couldn’t do anything. I felt my heart skip as I felt your hand cupping my face. Again, you smiled the smile that was my drug. My eyes widened in shock as your face slowly approached mine and before I could do anything, you kissed me back.
What was happening? Was I dreaming? If I was, I don’t want to wake up forever. You then released me and said something that changed my life forever.
“I like you.”
It was like a spell that made me weak. Was all this just a joke? I looked at your face and I saw sincere eyes. I took a deep breath and gave you my reply.
“I like you too.”
I forgot my errand and went on with what my heart told me to do. I hugged you and you hugged me back. I felt so happy. I felt so complete. I felt all the positive feelings a person could feel but somewhere inside me, I knew it was too good to be true. I knew that this was temporary happiness and someday, this’ll destroy me, crush my heart and make me feel miserable. But I went on with it. Why? Because I love you.
Days passed and we express our feelings to each other. You would steal a kiss from me whenever I wasn’t looking. You would hug me from behind and I would laugh at your sweetness. You always smiled. You knew I like your smile. You gave me what I want and I depended on it too much. We were together for 5 months but I was still waiting for it.
Months passed and I started to notice that the time we spent together lessened. Was I just paranoid? Whenever I asked you out, you would say you were busy or you had something else to do. We don’t go home together anymore and I barely saw you with me. I thought it was because you were really busy.
One day, I wanted to surprise you with our first anniversary. I made you a scarf with your initials on it. I heard your voice from behind the trees and when I peeked on it, I saw you kissing someone else.
My heart stopped. This was the day I was waiting for; the day I knew would come. My eyes glittered as you hugged the person that wasn’t me. I took a step back not wanting you to notice me but I accidentally stepped on a twig. You notice me and before you could move, I ran. I ran like there was no tomorrow. I ran like I wanted to run to the other end of the world if it meant not seeing you forever. I stopped at my favorite place. I was sweating and tired. Soon, tears covered my face. I was expecting it from the start but it was painful. Really painful.
I sat on a bench and felt sudden droplets of rain. I looked up and the rain got stronger. The rain covered my tears that fell without warning. I embraced the coldness of the night and hugged my knees for security.
I don’t know how but I ended up on my bed the other morning. I didn’t really care but it was a bit surprising.
A maid knocks on the door telling me I had a phone call. I knew it was you so I ignored her. She’ll think I’m still sleeping. I look at my phone and saw almost a hundred messages coming from one person. I ignored them and turned it off.
I lie on the bed, not wanting to move. Whenever people would come in, I pretend I was asleep. They would give me food but I wasn’t really hungry so I didn’t touch any of it. I then hear your voice from the other side of the door. I look at it to make sure it was locked.
“Please, I just have to see her.”
“But, she’s sleeping.”
“Please! I really need to see her!”
Their conversation went on like that. Desperation was evident in your voice but I didn’t care.
You would call me, bang on my door, deliver me chocolates and flowers but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see you. You went on like that for two weeks.
I never came to school after that. I just found myself in another city. I guess my parents got worried about me. They realized I didn’t want to go to school in that place anymore. They were correct so I just went on.
I decided that sulking wouldn’t do me any good so I decided to move on. I met nice friends in my new school and I blended in easily. I asked my previous school not to tell anyone my whereabouts and maybe that’s the reason why I didn’t hear from you anymore.
I really thought I moved on already. It’s been four years and I decided to go to a university. I was happy, contented but I never fell in love with anyone after that. People asked me out but I didn’t want to go through that again.
One day, I was walking down the hallway because of an errand. I’ve done this a million times. When I opened the door to my destination, my eyes widened in shock and disbelief.
You were still wearing that smile that I loved. You were also wearing the scarf I was about to give you. I remember throwing that to some random place. How did you get it?
“You…”
“Hi…”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m new here.”
“How-“
But before I could finish my sentence, you ran to me and hugged me. You placed your head on my shoulder and whispered inaudible words. I felt my shoulders become wet. You were crying. I started to cry too.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t know why I did that. I love you. I love you so much. Ever since you left, I wasn’t able to forgive myself. Please, forgive me. I’m really sorry! I love you so much.”
I didn’t know what to do. Despite my hatred, I didn’t want you to cry. Without thinking, I took a step back and kissed you.
I thought I moved on already. I wanted to push you away but I didn’t. Why? Because I still loved you.
February 2009 by Yours truly :)
The first time I met you, I’ve become addicted already. My day wouldn’t be complete without seeing even just a simple glance of your smile. I know it’s not directed to me, I’ve known that since forever. I would just make myself believe that it was indeed for me. False happiness can make you happy even for just a few minutes.
Months passed and I keep my daily routine of looking at you. You never notice, right? Or maybe you did notice… and just kept it. Maybe you like people looking at you secretly. You were aware that lots of people like you. I’m one of those many people and you know that, right? I don’t care. As long as I take my daily dose of drug, I’m happy.
I’ve never dreamt of talking to you, ever. It’s like something as impossible as flying without wings. Who knew that that day would come? Who knew that day was the day I least expected it?
I remembered it like it was only yesterday when it’s been years. I walked down the hallway because of an errand. I’ve done this a million times but who knew that day was different? Special?
As I opened the door to my destination, I saw you there, sleeping. I stopped. My world stopped. Everything stopped. I saw your face so peaceful and beautiful. I stared at you. I wanted time to stop. I wanted it to last forever. I tried to touch you but I remembered my purpose of being there. I sigh at my actions and went on with what I was ordered to do. Before going out, I took one last glance. But then, you smiled. You smiled the smile I loved so much. Without thinking, I approached you and kissed you. When I realized what I did, I took a step back but I noticed a pair of eyes looking at mine. Your face was filled with shock and questions. What was I doing? I had to get out but I couldn’t move after seeing you walk towards me. I froze. I couldn’t do anything. I felt my heart skip as I felt your hand cupping my face. Again, you smiled the smile that was my drug. My eyes widened in shock as your face slowly approached mine and before I could do anything, you kissed me back.
What was happening? Was I dreaming? If I was, I don’t want to wake up forever. You then released me and said something that changed my life forever.
“I like you.”
It was like a spell that made me weak. Was all this just a joke? I looked at your face and I saw sincere eyes. I took a deep breath and gave you my reply.
“I like you too.”
I forgot my errand and went on with what my heart told me to do. I hugged you and you hugged me back. I felt so happy. I felt so complete. I felt all the positive feelings a person could feel but somewhere inside me, I knew it was too good to be true. I knew that this was temporary happiness and someday, this’ll destroy me, crush my heart and make me feel miserable. But I went on with it. Why? Because I love you.
Days passed and we express our feelings to each other. You would steal a kiss from me whenever I wasn’t looking. You would hug me from behind and I would laugh at your sweetness. You always smiled. You knew I like your smile. You gave me what I want and I depended on it too much. We were together for 5 months but I was still waiting for it.
Months passed and I started to notice that the time we spent together lessened. Was I just paranoid? Whenever I asked you out, you would say you were busy or you had something else to do. We don’t go home together anymore and I barely saw you with me. I thought it was because you were really busy.
One day, I wanted to surprise you with our first anniversary. I made you a scarf with your initials on it. I heard your voice from behind the trees and when I peeked on it, I saw you kissing someone else.
My heart stopped. This was the day I was waiting for; the day I knew would come. My eyes glittered as you hugged the person that wasn’t me. I took a step back not wanting you to notice me but I accidentally stepped on a twig. You notice me and before you could move, I ran. I ran like there was no tomorrow. I ran like I wanted to run to the other end of the world if it meant not seeing you forever. I stopped at my favorite place. I was sweating and tired. Soon, tears covered my face. I was expecting it from the start but it was painful. Really painful.
I sat on a bench and felt sudden droplets of rain. I looked up and the rain got stronger. The rain covered my tears that fell without warning. I embraced the coldness of the night and hugged my knees for security.
I don’t know how but I ended up on my bed the other morning. I didn’t really care but it was a bit surprising.
A maid knocks on the door telling me I had a phone call. I knew it was you so I ignored her. She’ll think I’m still sleeping. I look at my phone and saw almost a hundred messages coming from one person. I ignored them and turned it off.
I lie on the bed, not wanting to move. Whenever people would come in, I pretend I was asleep. They would give me food but I wasn’t really hungry so I didn’t touch any of it. I then hear your voice from the other side of the door. I look at it to make sure it was locked.
“Please, I just have to see her.”
“But, she’s sleeping.”
“Please! I really need to see her!”
Their conversation went on like that. Desperation was evident in your voice but I didn’t care.
You would call me, bang on my door, deliver me chocolates and flowers but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see you. You went on like that for two weeks.
I never came to school after that. I just found myself in another city. I guess my parents got worried about me. They realized I didn’t want to go to school in that place anymore. They were correct so I just went on.
I decided that sulking wouldn’t do me any good so I decided to move on. I met nice friends in my new school and I blended in easily. I asked my previous school not to tell anyone my whereabouts and maybe that’s the reason why I didn’t hear from you anymore.
I really thought I moved on already. It’s been four years and I decided to go to a university. I was happy, contented but I never fell in love with anyone after that. People asked me out but I didn’t want to go through that again.
One day, I was walking down the hallway because of an errand. I’ve done this a million times. When I opened the door to my destination, my eyes widened in shock and disbelief.
You were still wearing that smile that I loved. You were also wearing the scarf I was about to give you. I remember throwing that to some random place. How did you get it?
“You…”
“Hi…”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m new here.”
“How-“
But before I could finish my sentence, you ran to me and hugged me. You placed your head on my shoulder and whispered inaudible words. I felt my shoulders become wet. You were crying. I started to cry too.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t know why I did that. I love you. I love you so much. Ever since you left, I wasn’t able to forgive myself. Please, forgive me. I’m really sorry! I love you so much.”
I didn’t know what to do. Despite my hatred, I didn’t want you to cry. Without thinking, I took a step back and kissed you.
I thought I moved on already. I wanted to push you away but I didn’t. Why? Because I still loved you.
February 2009 by Yours truly :)