Back To You
A/N: hello everyone!!! i miss LJ.. all i ever do is read fics in inorae. i sort of miss writing but time has been a bitch. rejoice, this is a JAYTAEC!!! wooooooooh! lol, i'm crazy. i've been meaning to write this since Jay's arrival in Seoul. I was happy. ;))) i wanted to write Jay with each member but that'll take time, which i don't have much.. ;_____; THIS IS WEIRDLY WRITTEN. i wanted to try something different. i hope it's not too Khunfusing. In case it is, Jay = black; Taec = blue.
~~~~~
I look at the buildings of Seoul as our van passes through them swiftly. The city has barely changed.
My thoughts travel back to the gloomy afternoon of September 8 last year. Everything was blurry; I tried to hold back the tears that were pleading to flow out of my eyes.
I AM STRONG.
But inside, all the walls were crashing me. I was finding it hard to breath.
I AM JUST A HELPLESS CHILD.
I silently let out a faint smile to myself as I remember. Goodbyes were painful but necessary. Five grieving faces, one tried so hard to be indifferent. Hugs and soft kisses.
But I needed someone’s comfort the most. In the end, I didn’t get it.
9 months. Everything has changed.
I am back to step 1. I am slightly unsure but I know I’ll make it. I have so much love now, probably more than I ever had before. Can it fill the empty space in my heart though?
~~~~
I am restless. I thought all of it was over. My heart thumps a million times than normal. And I can’t get anything right. I pace back and forth and the others are worried about me. I try to assure them that I am fine and it’s nothing. But only a fool would believe me.
I need to do something. NOW.
~~~~
My family greets me warmly. I know I’m not home, but I think I’m close to it. This house is full of love and smiles. Dinner is delicious and I confess I missed the tangy Korean food that I used to despise. They offer me the room I used to sleep in when I visit them. They are always accommodating and insist on my privacy.
This room has lovely memories; memories I’d keep even if I had amnesia.
I suddenly blush and a happy curve traces my face. “When will I see you again?!” I scream through the window. I let out heavy sighs few minutes more until I decide to update my twitter. “Spending time with my family... ^ㅠ^” I tweet happily and read the replies from my fans. After a few interesting replies, I shut off my laptop to prepare for bed.
I lay still, feeling the calm breeze. I close my eyes, getting ready to let the darkness take over me.
~~~~
I am hungry; you have no idea how much. I’ve been holding out for too long. Everything after you was a lie. It’s time to get back to reality.
This is the only way to be okay.
~~~~
The same darkness interrupts my slumber. Only this time, no matter how much I try to open my eyes, it seemed impossible. A little panicked, I realize my hands are tied against the head board of the bed. I am in utter confusion. I breathed evenly and force myself to believe that I must be dreaming. I bite my tongue. Once. Twice. The third time hurt like hell and I taste blood in my mouth.
Fuck! Shit just got real.
Time to panic! Time to panic! I struggle, kicking anything that’s on my way. Except, there isn’t anything...
~~~~
I stare at you intently, thrashing about, just as agitated as my heart is. I grin but I am insatiable. Nothing is ever enough until I have you. The longer I eye on you, I surer I am that this is right.
It will be alright soon. I approach you fervently.
~~~~
I soon understand that struggling is futile. But there was a disturbing feeling in the air. I push back my crazy assumptions of rape, torture or worst, murder. TT.TT A vivid picture us holding hands, silly glances, warm embraces. At least It’ll be a happy death, I convince myself.
Suddenly, I feel someone breathing through my neck. I become tensed, sensing danger ahead.
IT MUST BE RAPE! TT.TT
Although I’m scared, I have to be positive about this. At least it won’t hurt as much as it did at the first time.
The first time was a fusion of pain and bliss. But it was love and it was perfect.
IT WAS...
I chuckle lightly at the thought. Maybe I’ll just think of you and it’ll be fine.
~~~~
I can’t help but inhale your scent. Oh, I miss it so much. Everything about you is all I ever wanted. Being away from you was hell beyond imagination. I calculate my actions, puzzled where to begin but longing to start anything.
I breathe through you neck as I look at you. What is this? Did you just giggle? Do you think this is some kind of a joke? Are you enjoying this? My thoughts wander through the times when we were apart.
Are you genuinely happy without me? I’ve replayed your videos almost a hundred times each day, searching for signs that you’ve completely moved on. I wonder each night if you still long for my kisses. Or do you have a better lover now?
It angers me to think of these things. The angrier I get, the hungrier I am for you. I want to take you now and make you mine once more.
I grip your arms firmly and carelessly plant a kiss on your lips. It is sweeter than I remembered it to be. I kiss you again, forcing my tongue on your mouth. I feel you tremble beneath me. Is it out of fear? It is none of my concern at the moment.
I will be untamed and relentlessly tonight.
~~~~
Taken aback by the offender’s intrusion, I shivered at the great familiarity of his taste. I know it too well. The way his tongue maneuvers; taking time, greedily exploring the caverns of my mouth. This taste, I miss it too, among the countless things I do when we were together.
My only lover.
You’ve always been ravenous and full of desire. Way back, even the minutest touch ignited your burning desire. It makes me happy to have that certain power over you.
Could it be? Is this real? It’s like the whole world revolved and changed from day to night in 5 minutes. I have been famished too, waiting for your love. Waiting.
Please tell me it’s you.
My doubt slowly fades as you rip my shirt apart. That’s so you, I hold back a laugh that almost escapes through my mouth, trying not to ruin the moment. You touch my bare chest. I am more confident it’s you. Eager kisses here and there. I moan softly as you lick my nipple. I am aware of the smile that forms on your lips as you hear it. You know it’s one of my weak spots. I want to touch you too, just to reciprocate and fulfill your needs.
Your hand is on my thigh, and I shuddered out of excitement. It gropes my throbbing erection and pumps the life of out me. My mind is a muddle of ecstasy and incoherence. But before I know it, the warm hand has deserted me.
I don’t remember the part when I was being undressed, but I can feel the soft night breeze on my bare body. You take off the cloth that’s covering my eyes. I adjust to the new shade of darkness that filled the room.
And I see you for the first time. Face to face in real life, after a long time.
I give you the most affectionate smile. But in return you just glared at me, eyes ablaze with a hint of ache and voracious need. You back off about a foot or two, eyes incredibly fixated on mine. Your naked body glistens though the dimness, it is better-sculpted now than the last time we made love.
And then you start touching yourself. I am positive that this will be the death of me.
~~~~
I shall make you wait like I’ve waited for you. You don’t know how many times I’ve died out of loneliness, guilt and regret.
Feel my frustration. Swallow my remorse.
I am stroking myself for you; slowly and painfully, for you. I do this every night with only you in my mind. But now, you’re in front of me. I shall convince you that I am the only one you’ll ever need and that everyone else is irrelevant.
I see the look in your face. It’s a mixture of crave and pain. It’ll be over soon.
I come close to you, destroying the gap between us. You stare intently at me both with relief and anticipation. I clasp your manhood and rub it against mine; chafing, feeling close to explosion. I start humping on you, letting you know I’m ready to take you. You grind in response but your precious smile has turned into a lustful glare. You seldom wear this face, but it never ceases to turn me on.
I spread your legs apart, gaining better access. You comply eagerly. I suck my fingers as you watch with a pout. I place them on your mouth and you smirked, coating them with your saliva. I kiss you tenderly while I pushed two fingers inside you. You wince in pain but try to hide it. My free hand rubs your cheek, offering comfort. You nod signalling that you’re all set.
Everything flashes back when I enter you wholly. The first time we met. Our first kiss. Silly trips to fashion districts, trying on lingerie. The profession of my undying love. The night we first made love. The sleepless nights we share just talking about non-sensical things. My first heart break. Your departure. You whisper my name at each thrust and the more I hear it, the more I want to feel your hands on me.
I hurriedly untie your hands, giving you the freedom you deserve. You wrap your arms around my neck; holding on to me like your dear life is depending on it. I want them to stay there forever. “Taec! Taec! Taec!” You buck willingly, nearing your peak. “Jay... I’m almost... nnghh” one vigorous thrust and we both came together.
~~~~
We were sticky but we didn’t care. I push you unto your back and make up for the loss time that I wasn’t able to touch you. Kisses are thrown everywhere and I lick your chest clean. You chuckle softly as
I rest my head on you.
“At least stay until the sun peeks in...” I am a little anxious to hear your reply.
But you simply say “mmmkay” and lightly ruffle my hair.
I fall into a deep sleep knowing I am safe in your arms.
~~~~
I wake up alone and disappointed. Fully clothed and feeling fine, I wonder if it was only a dream. It must be the thought of you being so close to me right now that made me fall into a trance.
I sigh and organize my thoughts. I have a lot of things to do today. I stand up and head for the bathroom. There it was a small sticky note on the mirror. It says...
Jay,
Last night was special.
We’ll work out everything soon.
I know where you sleep. Lol.
1437.
p.s. i used your toothbrush. I hope you don’t mind. >.~
And just like that, I am sure of myself. I am sure of all the things coming my way. I AM...
Then I brush my teeth longer than usual, smiling the entire time.
~nahuman na~
~~~~~
A/N: crappy smut is crappy. i think i'll struggle on this forever. about the Junbro series, I won't even say it anymore. I'll just start doing it. Fuck! Shit just got real <--- this is for Pia.. i saw it about a couple times in her posts.. :)) it never fails to crack it up..
~~~~~
I look at the buildings of Seoul as our van passes through them swiftly. The city has barely changed.
My thoughts travel back to the gloomy afternoon of September 8 last year. Everything was blurry; I tried to hold back the tears that were pleading to flow out of my eyes.
I AM STRONG.
But inside, all the walls were crashing me. I was finding it hard to breath.
I AM JUST A HELPLESS CHILD.
I silently let out a faint smile to myself as I remember. Goodbyes were painful but necessary. Five grieving faces, one tried so hard to be indifferent. Hugs and soft kisses.
But I needed someone’s comfort the most. In the end, I didn’t get it.
9 months. Everything has changed.
I am back to step 1. I am slightly unsure but I know I’ll make it. I have so much love now, probably more than I ever had before. Can it fill the empty space in my heart though?
~~~~
I am restless. I thought all of it was over. My heart thumps a million times than normal. And I can’t get anything right. I pace back and forth and the others are worried about me. I try to assure them that I am fine and it’s nothing. But only a fool would believe me.
I need to do something. NOW.
~~~~
My family greets me warmly. I know I’m not home, but I think I’m close to it. This house is full of love and smiles. Dinner is delicious and I confess I missed the tangy Korean food that I used to despise. They offer me the room I used to sleep in when I visit them. They are always accommodating and insist on my privacy.
This room has lovely memories; memories I’d keep even if I had amnesia.
I suddenly blush and a happy curve traces my face. “When will I see you again?!” I scream through the window. I let out heavy sighs few minutes more until I decide to update my twitter. “Spending time with my family... ^ㅠ^” I tweet happily and read the replies from my fans. After a few interesting replies, I shut off my laptop to prepare for bed.
I lay still, feeling the calm breeze. I close my eyes, getting ready to let the darkness take over me.
~~~~
I am hungry; you have no idea how much. I’ve been holding out for too long. Everything after you was a lie. It’s time to get back to reality.
This is the only way to be okay.
~~~~
The same darkness interrupts my slumber. Only this time, no matter how much I try to open my eyes, it seemed impossible. A little panicked, I realize my hands are tied against the head board of the bed. I am in utter confusion. I breathed evenly and force myself to believe that I must be dreaming. I bite my tongue. Once. Twice. The third time hurt like hell and I taste blood in my mouth.
Fuck! Shit just got real.
Time to panic! Time to panic! I struggle, kicking anything that’s on my way. Except, there isn’t anything...
~~~~
I stare at you intently, thrashing about, just as agitated as my heart is. I grin but I am insatiable. Nothing is ever enough until I have you. The longer I eye on you, I surer I am that this is right.
It will be alright soon. I approach you fervently.
~~~~
I soon understand that struggling is futile. But there was a disturbing feeling in the air. I push back my crazy assumptions of rape, torture or worst, murder. TT.TT A vivid picture us holding hands, silly glances, warm embraces. At least It’ll be a happy death, I convince myself.
Suddenly, I feel someone breathing through my neck. I become tensed, sensing danger ahead.
IT MUST BE RAPE! TT.TT
Although I’m scared, I have to be positive about this. At least it won’t hurt as much as it did at the first time.
The first time was a fusion of pain and bliss. But it was love and it was perfect.
IT WAS...
I chuckle lightly at the thought. Maybe I’ll just think of you and it’ll be fine.
~~~~
I can’t help but inhale your scent. Oh, I miss it so much. Everything about you is all I ever wanted. Being away from you was hell beyond imagination. I calculate my actions, puzzled where to begin but longing to start anything.
I breathe through you neck as I look at you. What is this? Did you just giggle? Do you think this is some kind of a joke? Are you enjoying this? My thoughts wander through the times when we were apart.
Are you genuinely happy without me? I’ve replayed your videos almost a hundred times each day, searching for signs that you’ve completely moved on. I wonder each night if you still long for my kisses. Or do you have a better lover now?
It angers me to think of these things. The angrier I get, the hungrier I am for you. I want to take you now and make you mine once more.
I grip your arms firmly and carelessly plant a kiss on your lips. It is sweeter than I remembered it to be. I kiss you again, forcing my tongue on your mouth. I feel you tremble beneath me. Is it out of fear? It is none of my concern at the moment.
I will be untamed and relentlessly tonight.
~~~~
Taken aback by the offender’s intrusion, I shivered at the great familiarity of his taste. I know it too well. The way his tongue maneuvers; taking time, greedily exploring the caverns of my mouth. This taste, I miss it too, among the countless things I do when we were together.
My only lover.
You’ve always been ravenous and full of desire. Way back, even the minutest touch ignited your burning desire. It makes me happy to have that certain power over you.
Could it be? Is this real? It’s like the whole world revolved and changed from day to night in 5 minutes. I have been famished too, waiting for your love. Waiting.
Please tell me it’s you.
My doubt slowly fades as you rip my shirt apart. That’s so you, I hold back a laugh that almost escapes through my mouth, trying not to ruin the moment. You touch my bare chest. I am more confident it’s you. Eager kisses here and there. I moan softly as you lick my nipple. I am aware of the smile that forms on your lips as you hear it. You know it’s one of my weak spots. I want to touch you too, just to reciprocate and fulfill your needs.
Your hand is on my thigh, and I shuddered out of excitement. It gropes my throbbing erection and pumps the life of out me. My mind is a muddle of ecstasy and incoherence. But before I know it, the warm hand has deserted me.
I don’t remember the part when I was being undressed, but I can feel the soft night breeze on my bare body. You take off the cloth that’s covering my eyes. I adjust to the new shade of darkness that filled the room.
And I see you for the first time. Face to face in real life, after a long time.
I give you the most affectionate smile. But in return you just glared at me, eyes ablaze with a hint of ache and voracious need. You back off about a foot or two, eyes incredibly fixated on mine. Your naked body glistens though the dimness, it is better-sculpted now than the last time we made love.
And then you start touching yourself. I am positive that this will be the death of me.
~~~~
I shall make you wait like I’ve waited for you. You don’t know how many times I’ve died out of loneliness, guilt and regret.
Feel my frustration. Swallow my remorse.
I am stroking myself for you; slowly and painfully, for you. I do this every night with only you in my mind. But now, you’re in front of me. I shall convince you that I am the only one you’ll ever need and that everyone else is irrelevant.
I see the look in your face. It’s a mixture of crave and pain. It’ll be over soon.
I come close to you, destroying the gap between us. You stare intently at me both with relief and anticipation. I clasp your manhood and rub it against mine; chafing, feeling close to explosion. I start humping on you, letting you know I’m ready to take you. You grind in response but your precious smile has turned into a lustful glare. You seldom wear this face, but it never ceases to turn me on.
I spread your legs apart, gaining better access. You comply eagerly. I suck my fingers as you watch with a pout. I place them on your mouth and you smirked, coating them with your saliva. I kiss you tenderly while I pushed two fingers inside you. You wince in pain but try to hide it. My free hand rubs your cheek, offering comfort. You nod signalling that you’re all set.
Everything flashes back when I enter you wholly. The first time we met. Our first kiss. Silly trips to fashion districts, trying on lingerie. The profession of my undying love. The night we first made love. The sleepless nights we share just talking about non-sensical things. My first heart break. Your departure. You whisper my name at each thrust and the more I hear it, the more I want to feel your hands on me.
I hurriedly untie your hands, giving you the freedom you deserve. You wrap your arms around my neck; holding on to me like your dear life is depending on it. I want them to stay there forever. “Taec! Taec! Taec!” You buck willingly, nearing your peak. “Jay... I’m almost... nnghh” one vigorous thrust and we both came together.
~~~~
We were sticky but we didn’t care. I push you unto your back and make up for the loss time that I wasn’t able to touch you. Kisses are thrown everywhere and I lick your chest clean. You chuckle softly as
I rest my head on you.
“At least stay until the sun peeks in...” I am a little anxious to hear your reply.
But you simply say “mmmkay” and lightly ruffle my hair.
I fall into a deep sleep knowing I am safe in your arms.
~~~~
I wake up alone and disappointed. Fully clothed and feeling fine, I wonder if it was only a dream. It must be the thought of you being so close to me right now that made me fall into a trance.
I sigh and organize my thoughts. I have a lot of things to do today. I stand up and head for the bathroom. There it was a small sticky note on the mirror. It says...
Jay,
Last night was special.
We’ll work out everything soon.
I know where you sleep. Lol.
1437.
p.s. i used your toothbrush. I hope you don’t mind. >.~
And just like that, I am sure of myself. I am sure of all the things coming my way. I AM...
Then I brush my teeth longer than usual, smiling the entire time.
~nahuman na~
~~~~~
A/N: crappy smut is crappy. i think i'll struggle on this forever. about the Junbro series, I won't even say it anymore. I'll just start doing it. Fuck! Shit just got real <--- this is for Pia.. i saw it about a couple times in her posts.. :)) it never fails to crack it up..