(no subject)
I am having a very hard time right now. I feel so unaccepted and unwanted. I feel like I don't belong here when I should feel on top of the world. I feel like I am being bypassed - like everyone is better than me and smarter than me. I feel like I'm a joke. Like they're just letting me get so far until finally they'll say, you don't belong, you haven't done well, you aren't graduating.
Looking back on my years here so far... I feel like I've just been living in a fog. I should have spent more time doing what I love. I should have tried harder to make a strong friendship with someone. I should have tried to develop my social skills better.
I feel like I've learned nothing. And I feel like I've gone backwards in my piano skills.
I could be doing so much better. I could be a great pianist. People say I am, until they hear someone better. Then they realize I'm just a joke.
I sit in here alone, with so many people who have been in classes with me, in piano with me, wherever, who never even give me a second glance, let alone say hi. Am I that horrible of a person? Do I come off as being weird? Mean? What? Why am I so different, and why have I been so different so long?
I am tired of feeling like this.
Maybe once I graduate I will feel better. I will get a new job, make new aquaintances.
I feel so lonely.
Looking back on my years here so far... I feel like I've just been living in a fog. I should have spent more time doing what I love. I should have tried harder to make a strong friendship with someone. I should have tried to develop my social skills better.
I feel like I've learned nothing. And I feel like I've gone backwards in my piano skills.
I could be doing so much better. I could be a great pianist. People say I am, until they hear someone better. Then they realize I'm just a joke.
I sit in here alone, with so many people who have been in classes with me, in piano with me, wherever, who never even give me a second glance, let alone say hi. Am I that horrible of a person? Do I come off as being weird? Mean? What? Why am I so different, and why have I been so different so long?
I am tired of feeling like this.
Maybe once I graduate I will feel better. I will get a new job, make new aquaintances.
I feel so lonely.