Life...and such nonsense...
So, I'm doing okay. I am feeling a bit lonely, though I am not sure why. I am making some friends at Wal-Mart. Tracy in particular is highly amusing to me, and I found out today that both Tracy and James are writers of sorts. Tracy writes children's stories, and apparently had one published in a Highlights magazine in 1999. James...I'm not quite sure what exactly he does, but he says he wants to be a writer and when he found out that I was, too, he wanted to come talk to me a little bit. So I told him about the Writer's Market, because his question was about getting published, or something. *shrugs* He's a nice guy, but I wasn't sure what he wanted from me at the moment. But...wow...that was an amazing sidetrack.
Yeah...I feel lonely. But I really don't have time to go hang out with anyone...*sighs*
I bought stuff today! I was paid yesterday (since payday is thursday, and it was a wed/thurs day). I realized why I don't usually get my check on Thursday. My days off are Tues/Wed and Wed/Thurs. So I usually pick my check up on Thurs/Fri. And don't I have great days...lol. I bought a notebook...my other five-subject FiveStar notebook was just about empty, so I picked one of them up. I also grabbed a pack of mini-sharpies...just because they are fun. I decided to grab The Da Vince Code. Because I don't own it, and it is freaking awesome, and because it finally came out in paperback, which I had to get it in paperback because I bought the other one in paperback, and my brain can't handle having a paperback and a hardback inthe same series. I also bought two CDs. Blue October's Foiled (they are the ones that sing "Hate Me" which I don't know whether anyone has heard it or not, but I absolutely love it...though I am not sure why. I shall post the lyrics some time). Anyway, I decided that Blue October sounds the way Josh Groban would sound if he sang rock instead of the classical-ish stuff that he sings now. It was really random, but that is what popped into my head as I was listening on the way home from work. I also bought the All-American Rejects' Move Along. I love the song "Dirty Little Secret" and the title track, which I didn't realize was them until I listened to it. Oh, and I got a birthday card for my brother, because today is his birthday, and I thought it would be a "good brother" thing to do. Which leads me to my next topic for the morning (though really, to me it is night).
My brother and his girlfriend are now here...and they have a puppy. In my house...well, really it is my grandparent's house, but I have lived here for over a year now. He seems to have a job, though I don't know where. Kayla (his gf) has been looking for a job, at least that is what they say she is doing, which I believe them. I doubt that they want to stay here for very long, and are probably going to find an apartment asap. Which I realized that I need to do, too. When it was just me, I didn't really think about it, but not that it is both me and my brother (Kayla is lumped in with him) are here in feels weird.
Fuck. I need to call the stupid debt guy and figure stuff out. I need to talk to the bank. I need to get a new SS card. I need to see what exactly I need to do to buy the car, and I need to figure out how much a month it will be. I need a room mate possibilty. Or barring that an apartment that costs less than say...three-fifty a month. Which will most likely be impossible, but ya never know. Those dinky little things that Melissa Barass and Marge were living in are probably pretty cheap.
Edit: I wasn't done when I pushed post...
I cleaned my room up and did some laundry. It isn't all done, but everything is much nicer now.
I want to buy an AFI CD. (btw, what does AFI stand for?) I saw a music video for "Miss Murder" I am assuming the name is...and it was really good, I like the sound of the band, and would like to figure out if I like more of them. I have heard a few things about them, mostly on my friends list from one or two people, but yeah...
I realized the other day (yesterday?) that it wouldn't be too hard for me to start smoking. So many people at work smoke, it is a social thing, to go out on break and have a smoke (or two). I mean, really, the one of the big things that has kept me from smoking before now is that I have always hated the smell of cigarette smoke. But I think that is because I have always smelled a particular kind. Mainly marlboros, or something very similar. Because that is what the people in my family smoke. Tracy smokes a different brand, the name made me thing diaphram the first time I saw it, but obviously that isn't it. Anyway, it didn't smell good, not quite, but it smelled a hell of a lot better than any others I have smelled. But ya know, I really don't want to smoke. No matter how much of a thing it is in my family (a lot of my family smokes...my brother being the most recent addition) or a social thing at work, it is just something that I don't want to do. I am going to break a lot of family traditions, both Erickson and Hopper, so what is one more?
Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
Yeah...I feel lonely. But I really don't have time to go hang out with anyone...*sighs*
I bought stuff today! I was paid yesterday (since payday is thursday, and it was a wed/thurs day). I realized why I don't usually get my check on Thursday. My days off are Tues/Wed and Wed/Thurs. So I usually pick my check up on Thurs/Fri. And don't I have great days...lol. I bought a notebook...my other five-subject FiveStar notebook was just about empty, so I picked one of them up. I also grabbed a pack of mini-sharpies...just because they are fun. I decided to grab The Da Vince Code. Because I don't own it, and it is freaking awesome, and because it finally came out in paperback, which I had to get it in paperback because I bought the other one in paperback, and my brain can't handle having a paperback and a hardback inthe same series. I also bought two CDs. Blue October's Foiled (they are the ones that sing "Hate Me" which I don't know whether anyone has heard it or not, but I absolutely love it...though I am not sure why. I shall post the lyrics some time). Anyway, I decided that Blue October sounds the way Josh Groban would sound if he sang rock instead of the classical-ish stuff that he sings now. It was really random, but that is what popped into my head as I was listening on the way home from work. I also bought the All-American Rejects' Move Along. I love the song "Dirty Little Secret" and the title track, which I didn't realize was them until I listened to it. Oh, and I got a birthday card for my brother, because today is his birthday, and I thought it would be a "good brother" thing to do. Which leads me to my next topic for the morning (though really, to me it is night).
My brother and his girlfriend are now here...and they have a puppy. In my house...well, really it is my grandparent's house, but I have lived here for over a year now. He seems to have a job, though I don't know where. Kayla (his gf) has been looking for a job, at least that is what they say she is doing, which I believe them. I doubt that they want to stay here for very long, and are probably going to find an apartment asap. Which I realized that I need to do, too. When it was just me, I didn't really think about it, but not that it is both me and my brother (Kayla is lumped in with him) are here in feels weird.
Fuck. I need to call the stupid debt guy and figure stuff out. I need to talk to the bank. I need to get a new SS card. I need to see what exactly I need to do to buy the car, and I need to figure out how much a month it will be. I need a room mate possibilty. Or barring that an apartment that costs less than say...three-fifty a month. Which will most likely be impossible, but ya never know. Those dinky little things that Melissa Barass and Marge were living in are probably pretty cheap.
Edit: I wasn't done when I pushed post...
I cleaned my room up and did some laundry. It isn't all done, but everything is much nicer now.
I want to buy an AFI CD. (btw, what does AFI stand for?) I saw a music video for "Miss Murder" I am assuming the name is...and it was really good, I like the sound of the band, and would like to figure out if I like more of them. I have heard a few things about them, mostly on my friends list from one or two people, but yeah...
I realized the other day (yesterday?) that it wouldn't be too hard for me to start smoking. So many people at work smoke, it is a social thing, to go out on break and have a smoke (or two). I mean, really, the one of the big things that has kept me from smoking before now is that I have always hated the smell of cigarette smoke. But I think that is because I have always smelled a particular kind. Mainly marlboros, or something very similar. Because that is what the people in my family smoke. Tracy smokes a different brand, the name made me thing diaphram the first time I saw it, but obviously that isn't it. Anyway, it didn't smell good, not quite, but it smelled a hell of a lot better than any others I have smelled. But ya know, I really don't want to smoke. No matter how much of a thing it is in my family (a lot of my family smokes...my brother being the most recent addition) or a social thing at work, it is just something that I don't want to do. I am going to break a lot of family traditions, both Erickson and Hopper, so what is one more?
Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you