This really left me dumbstruck, I am still trying to piece together everything, all the little details, that seem small but but sill significant
( ... )
Thank you! This story was tough to write because I didn't want Sam to fully understant what was going on with Dee easily (or really, ever--he gets closer by the end, I hope). I absolutely understand your sense of loss, because there was a loss, which Dee/Dean knows, but there would have been something lost the other way, not least of which was Sam's humanity. Bad choices all around.
I wanted Sam to be sympathetic but still imperfect, and I'm glad you felt his confusion.
I was expecting to read about the usual annoyances that come with being a woman--the condescension from other hunters/mechanics, the belief that a woman's body is public property, the dismissal by the people they saved. But the thing that really hit me the hardest was how things were different within the Winchester family itself. It struck me as being so very true, how John was pragmatic enough to fully train Dee, but at the same time he had such different expectations of her, had pretty much outright dismissed her from the Winchester legacy in hoping that she would quit the family business. It was so startling to me, reading and recognizing the fact that she wouldn't be considered the "heir" to the Winchester legacy--because, fuck, it's Dean, who else could be considered the true heir, you know? (As much as I love and adore Sam, Sam is the black-sheep rather than the Winchester heir.) And yet, Dee being ignored in that role, just because she was raised as a woman, struck me as being so
( ... )
And how lame is it that *angels* care what sex Dean is? Human stories has insufficient roles for females, especially females with male siblings. But apparently angels have no stories at all, other than those in scripture. Dee is reduced to a chorus, an echo, like Miriam's song. They aren't aware, or they don't care, that Dee's pure pragmatism, her hair-trigger fight-dirty reflexes, saved Sam from death and her soul from Hell. In some ways she's a more amazing creature than Dean. (I hope Dean remembers what Dee knew
( ... )
Yes, exactly! Dee being more pragmatic (though also accepting more collateral damage) derailed all the logical consequences that would wind up with Dean starting the Apocalypse. And I think Dean will remember, though he might be tempted to forget: that's the trouble with opting out.
I wish I could say something more detailed, because you've really said exactly what I wanted to say with the story. The narrative no longer making sense for her either on the micro or the macro level: yes, exactly, and she was ready for her role but it just didn't matter. I didn't want her choice at the end to be easy or unproblematic; the only thing I wanted it to be was hers.
siblings in armsauroramamaAugust 10 2010, 19:49:29 UTC
I had been planning to do some other things this afternoon, but then I started reading this.
I can't even summon words. I may have to wait until I read it aloud to the Dear Spouse; reading aloud is slower and enforces more breaks. Whereas I guzzled this down like Sam on a demon-blood spree.
You have a fantastic way with Sam on the edge of atrocity. Sam, you poor schmuck, would you just listen to what Dean's saying?
Of course Sam couldn't see how hard it was for Dee, how much work it was just to be what she was, something that would have been taken for granted if she were male. Dean in any form will want to protect Sam from seeing the cost to Dean. Sam's ignorance would have been Dee's proof that she was doing it right. His response to finding out is note-perfect: he's a well-intentioned liberal male whose existence was wrapped in privilege before he took his first breath.
Re: siblings in armsrivkatAugust 11 2010, 00:52:25 UTC
Thank you! Yes, exactly: Sam had the privilege of not knowing, which was also something he had as Dean's brother so it's not a complete change, but it was more comprehensive with Dee. I'm so glad you said this about his response--I really wanted Sam to be well-meaning but not able to see anything but the overt stuff. He lacked class privilege and knew it, and then there was the rest of it.
their refusal to explainauroramamaAugust 10 2010, 20:31:59 UTC
Oh Sam, the S4 angels' refusal to explain themselves was just so well calculated for their long game.
At the time, I was too busy jumping up and down and yelling for an explanation, just like Sam. Looking back, it's almost elegant. You don't have to lie, and you don't have to tell Sam and Dean different stories, as Ruby did. If you want to be believed (with reservations) by Dean and disbelieved by Sam, say something that sounds sort of right and don't explain it. Keep it vague, so that there's no way to disprove it, and Sam will automatically distrust it. The more so because it's from a source that ought to do better. It's one thing to read an ambiguous prophecy in a book of lore, and another to hear it from an angel of the Lord. Tell Sam that the Most High says to beware a blonde stranger and he's going to be suspicious.
Re: their refusal to explainrivkatAugust 11 2010, 00:54:10 UTC
I had trouble with what Sam was doing at the time, but the more I thought about how he was seeing things, the more I saw it his way. It was a beautiful exploitation of Dean's obedience and Sam's rebellion. Somebody--maybe Zachariah--had reason to be proud.
You made it even better! The depth of the analysis that Dee draws on to make her decision is unwritten but still plainly there, and what a decision it is.
You've captured Sam's love and the awful tension of Season 4 so well. Thanks for letting me read it!
Comments 45
Reply
I wanted Sam to be sympathetic but still imperfect, and I'm glad you felt his confusion.
Thanks for reading!
Reply
This was amazing.
I was expecting to read about the usual annoyances that come with being a woman--the condescension from other hunters/mechanics, the belief that a woman's body is public property, the dismissal by the people they saved. But the thing that really hit me the hardest was how things were different within the Winchester family itself. It struck me as being so very true, how John was pragmatic enough to fully train Dee, but at the same time he had such different expectations of her, had pretty much outright dismissed her from the Winchester legacy in hoping that she would quit the family business. It was so startling to me, reading and recognizing the fact that she wouldn't be considered the "heir" to the Winchester legacy--because, fuck, it's Dean, who else could be considered the true heir, you know? (As much as I love and adore Sam, Sam is the black-sheep rather than the Winchester heir.) And yet, Dee being ignored in that role, just because she was raised as a woman, struck me as being so ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
I can't even summon words. I may have to wait until I read it aloud to the Dear Spouse; reading aloud is slower and enforces more breaks. Whereas I guzzled this down like Sam on a demon-blood spree.
You have a fantastic way with Sam on the edge of atrocity. Sam, you poor schmuck, would you just listen to what Dean's saying?
Of course Sam couldn't see how hard it was for Dee, how much work it was just to be what she was, something that would have been taken for granted if she were male. Dean in any form will want to protect Sam from seeing the cost to Dean. Sam's ignorance would have been Dee's proof that she was doing it right. His response to finding out is note-perfect: he's a well-intentioned liberal male whose existence was wrapped in privilege before he took his first breath.
This is going to be fun.
Reply
Reply
At the time, I was too busy jumping up and down and yelling for an explanation, just like Sam. Looking back, it's almost elegant. You don't have to lie, and you don't have to tell Sam and Dean different stories, as Ruby did. If you want to be believed (with reservations) by Dean and disbelieved by Sam, say something that sounds sort of right and don't explain it. Keep it vague, so that there's no way to disprove it, and Sam will automatically distrust it. The more so because it's from a source that ought to do better. It's one thing to read an ambiguous prophecy in a book of lore, and another to hear it from an angel of the Lord. Tell Sam that the Most High says to beware a blonde stranger and he's going to be suspicious.
Coolness.
Reply
Reply
You've captured Sam's love and the awful tension of Season 4 so well. Thanks for letting me read it!
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment