Maybe if I stand reeeeeeal still they won't ask me about Homeschooling.
I attended the graduation ceremony tonight... and it took me a while to stomach how many of my friends and aquaintences were taking off this year forever.
It makes me sad.
But after saying my good-lucks, good-byes, and good-riddances, I went on to greet my former teachers. There were many hugs, kisses and the like, and I didn't feel as much as the ghost of WK like I usually do whenever I go to visit. Rather, I felt like I had just left.
But one question nearly all of them asked me... a question that I don't really feel comfortable answering to anyone, even my own friends and relatives:
"So how's the homeschooling going?"
*cringe, fidget, twist, twitch, whimper*
I never know how to answer that question. It's a love-hate sort of thing. I feel like I have more opportunities and unique advantages while out of the system... but at the same time, I'm lonely as hell and because I lack motivation for self-directed learning, (mind you, I'm VIGOROUSLY motivated to pursue my own interests, however my own interests ten to be trifle things by at large) I don't feel like I've really... DONE anything. It's been a miserable and confusing year... and yet... my music has advanced so far and so fast... maybe I did do something right. I love music, and once I'm actually ON stage, I lighten up instantly... usually.
But I'm still struggling with myself. I'm on the fence between wanting to be a great performer and touring the world... and yet I want to spend the rest of my high-school life with my friends while I still have them, and for once, do something normal and mediocre. I never had much of a childhood... I've had the brain of an adult since my very early years. (I could speak fluent English before age one, I swear it on my mother's grave.)
And yet, I lead many lives. There are many "me's", and I love them all. Well-mannered Victorian. Party-hard punk. Stage-savvy performer. Weepy-eyed drama queen. Lover, fighter, altruist, selfishman, old, young... they're all me. I onle have my friends and family for so long, but I'm stuck with myself forever. And if I cannot learn to live with myself, then what else do I have?
I need to learn to accept the advice and criticism of others without undertaking their word as law. Only I am right to myself, and I need to learn that. Why am I so pompous, and at the same time so self-doubting?
And why am I talking to myself again?
Okay... new theory...
I'm self-doubting because I'm hard on myself because I've been raised to be hard on myself.
Therefore...
....I come to the conclusion...
...I deduce...
...that I am abusing my livejournal rights and should get some sleep, gain strength, and stop frightening the children and bible-thumpers who may be reading this. And on that note....
...LOOK! IT'S SAINT PETER! *runs away into the woods*
It makes me sad.
But after saying my good-lucks, good-byes, and good-riddances, I went on to greet my former teachers. There were many hugs, kisses and the like, and I didn't feel as much as the ghost of WK like I usually do whenever I go to visit. Rather, I felt like I had just left.
But one question nearly all of them asked me... a question that I don't really feel comfortable answering to anyone, even my own friends and relatives:
"So how's the homeschooling going?"
*cringe, fidget, twist, twitch, whimper*
I never know how to answer that question. It's a love-hate sort of thing. I feel like I have more opportunities and unique advantages while out of the system... but at the same time, I'm lonely as hell and because I lack motivation for self-directed learning, (mind you, I'm VIGOROUSLY motivated to pursue my own interests, however my own interests ten to be trifle things by at large) I don't feel like I've really... DONE anything. It's been a miserable and confusing year... and yet... my music has advanced so far and so fast... maybe I did do something right. I love music, and once I'm actually ON stage, I lighten up instantly... usually.
But I'm still struggling with myself. I'm on the fence between wanting to be a great performer and touring the world... and yet I want to spend the rest of my high-school life with my friends while I still have them, and for once, do something normal and mediocre. I never had much of a childhood... I've had the brain of an adult since my very early years. (I could speak fluent English before age one, I swear it on my mother's grave.)
And yet, I lead many lives. There are many "me's", and I love them all. Well-mannered Victorian. Party-hard punk. Stage-savvy performer. Weepy-eyed drama queen. Lover, fighter, altruist, selfishman, old, young... they're all me. I onle have my friends and family for so long, but I'm stuck with myself forever. And if I cannot learn to live with myself, then what else do I have?
I need to learn to accept the advice and criticism of others without undertaking their word as law. Only I am right to myself, and I need to learn that. Why am I so pompous, and at the same time so self-doubting?
And why am I talking to myself again?
Okay... new theory...
I'm self-doubting because I'm hard on myself because I've been raised to be hard on myself.
Therefore...
....I come to the conclusion...
...I deduce...
...that I am abusing my livejournal rights and should get some sleep, gain strength, and stop frightening the children and bible-thumpers who may be reading this. And on that note....
...LOOK! IT'S SAINT PETER! *runs away into the woods*