(no subject)
Another wasted weekend. Ive spent pretty much all 5 weekends here playing video games until im tired. Which takes awhile, what with the strenous act of moving hands. I only wish productive things could be entertaining as well. I just watched the entire season 2 of Venture Brothers in two sittings (one for 1 disc, one for the other), and have officially invested 57 hours into ONE of my characters in Mass Effect (I have 3)
Last Thursday I met the fraternity. They were..as you would mostly expect a fraternity. But...friendlier and more diverse (No, 90% of the frat was not guys in pink button-up shirts, chinos, and spiked up short blonde hair and blue eyes). They're good people, just...different from me. After the icebreaker rush thing, they/we all went to a party. I ended up, of my own decision, driving Chuck (the guy who introduced me) over to the party, as well as a couple other girls. The party was, again, how you would expect. Beer, kegs, beer games, keg games, and girls. Again, I'm totally black sheep here at this party, the only guy I know is Chuck, and I feel bad for always tailing him as he tries to go do other stuff. So I go and meet some of the frat guys. They're actually all really cool. They were open and forward to talk with me, at least enough to make acquaintance, but all their stories were the same. How they fucked a girl and then got out before she could reach him again. How they had a wild trip on ______ drug. How they barely got away from cops as they did something stupid. How they beat up some lesser-jock. Halo 3. And a couple played One-up-sies with each other, waving their dicks around as they compared their harsh life growing up in gang schools. I wouldve been even LESS impressed but they showed a little credibility with their knowledge. Oh, and no, I couldnt relate to them on Halo 3, because i dont play nor enjoy the online multiplayer. I also found out I am good at beer games, despite how awful beer tastes. I met up with a guy, Chris, who seemed similarly black sheep'd, without lacking social competence. We rocked the beer pong. Also met two girls, Lauren and Melissa. I'm pretty sure they're also sorority girls, but at least they werent bitches about it. I'm also not too bad at...Flip Cup? I dont drink it too fast, but hell ill get it in 1-3 tries. Afterwards, I ended up taking two others home to their apartment. One of Chuck's friends had a bit too much, and passed him the keys. So he was gonna drive the others home. The couple I drove home were cool. You'd think when you hear about someone driving a drunk couple home, they're loud, obnoxious, and skeeting on your backseat, but they were cool. It was just a matter of "Hey we drank too much, can you help us out?" and it was nice talking with them.
The interview the next day was...shakey. I wasn't nervous (Why would I be) or worried or anything like the other guys. But I remembered that i DIDNT remember how to tie a tie that day, that was embarassing. All the other 8 guys had ties, so I wandered into a bathroom to try and relearn how to tie it. After a half hour, I gave up and just sat down. Turns out, none of them knew how to tie a tie either, except for one. Actually, he tied everyones ties for them, so he did mine, which was cool of him. Gang Wars guy was in there too, and he loves to hear himself talk. I endured that for about 30 minutes while we waited for interviews.
I think mine went bad because:
(Prelim - Interview consists of being blindly led to the middle of the room with a light shined in eyes to preserve anonymity, then rapid fire 'interrogation' questions from all around the room, it was a lecture hall)
a.) One of the questions was "Would you ever hit a girl?" Those of you who dont know me very well, I answered "Yes, if I was very angry" after thinking for a moment
b.) When I thought the interview was over (It wasnt), i moved out of the light, then got yelled at to go back in. Whoops
c.) To enter and leave the room "blindly", you keep your eyes closed as youre lead through a dark room. You're led by keeping your hand on the guides shoulder. Well as I'm leaving the interview, consider how I'm holding his left shoulder with my right hand. I'm a little to his side, right? Well he goes through the door and I slam my face, and the rest of me, into the wall. I just stood there for a moment, then I sighed and dropped my shoulders. I heard snickering behind me as I moved out, to which I burst out laughing (C'mon, it was funny.)
Well, turns out it did go bad, I didn't get in. Lost to a 4v5 vote, because of how I answered the question. Turns out I way overthought it, they meant more like...I dont know. Moving out of the light didnt really upset them, a couple other guys did it, and it was more they were yelling for the sake of emphasis and...promptness. Slamming into the wall actually helped my case because they thought I was...mature(?) enough to laugh off an embarassing moment.
Oh well. Maybe next semester. Who knows, maybe something will happens where I wont even have the desire to hit a girl for any reason at all.
If I didnt mention it earlier, Girl#6 invited me to a church youth group. I...think we were friends. We would work on Chemistry homework together after class. Shes a really good girl, and has a bit of a sex appeal on her too, quite nice. But it was so impossible to try and hang out with her after class, except during these study buddy sessions. Anyways, I jumped on the opportunity to be promoted above "friend i dont talk to outside of class." I already informed her before hand that I wasnt big on the Religion scene, but I would go to spend time with her and to meet new people. She was cool with that.
It was one of those groups where like, everything was unorthodox, and it was mostly singing, and shouting praises, and like, everyone would thrust their hands into the air as they sang, or started crying, or something. And I mean thats great and all, more power to them. I'm glad they arent bound by embarassment or anything, but it wasnt for me. At most, I tapped my foot during the catchy songs.
80% of the lectures basically told/reminded us that lust was a sin. I sunk pretty low in my chair during all those.
Concluding this story quickly, it basically came down to, I had a movie moment with Girl#6, and pretty much botched it. We were supposed to go around and ask each other "Are you ready" [to love like Jesus did]. Keep in mind, the lecture we just had more or less said that sociery has confused how Jesus loves. He wasnt nice, he was a total hardass, and we need to jump on people like Jesus did, as a hardass. So of course, the singing is going on, and everyone is cheering and happy and music is playing, and Girl#6 bounces over to me and excitedly asks me "Are you ready!"
To which I replied "Not really."
I could tell that hit her pretty hard. I apologized for upsetting her afterwards, and just explained that I wasnt feeling it, but still enjoyed coming out to meet people and feel the energy (and I meant all of it too). She said she understood. Afterwards, we went to Coldstone and got icecream. Or rather, I followed her and her friend to Coldstone to get icecream after they invited me. Not a date.
I felt really bad that all the people there were so pumped about Jesus and I wouldnt get into it with them. I decided to stop going. Girl#6 was again, subtly upset, but said she understood. It was fun and all but I've really seen things regress between me and her since. We, again, dont talk before or after class, and our study sessions together have devolved to "lets compare answers real quick to see what we got different." Which is...a little upsetting. Genuinely just a little. See, I dont know if I had a crush on Girl#6 or not. As I said, she was charming and had her sex appeal, but at that point I couldnt tell if I did like her, or was just happy that a woman was paying attention to me. So, we have a 'maybe' for I like her, and a 'definitely' for I'd have sex with her. But seeing as she goes to these youth groups, and shes big on religion....I dont think it would've worked out. And this isnt a pitying "It wouldnt work out because I suck" conclusion...it just wouldnt of I'm pretty sure. And because of that...I'm okay with not dating Girl#6. I think I respect her enough to not sleep with her without caring about her.
I've been without my jacket these past 10 days. I left it at the party last Thursday accidentally. And you know what? It's pretty fucking cold and windy outside lately. Chuck said he went and picked up in his friends car, but now the problem is that Chuck's friend has it, and she doesnt regularly come to class, or...has a different schedule than me or something, but I didnt want to keep bugging him about it because hes been hella sick since Monday.
An unnamed Salisbury acquaintance of mine has been pretty much emo over women as I have been, but I find his reasons to be, well, shit. You see, Acquaintance had a long distance relationship with a girl in Maine for maybe a year. They hooked up on the tubeowebs. Meanwhile while this is going on, when its just me and him, he usually complains to me that hes frustrated over the fact that even though he has a girlfriend, he cant get any action. That I can at least understand. I would be more upset if I had a girlfriend and couldnt touch her. Here's when it gets fuzzy though. He says he plans on "scouting around" for any other willing women on campus. If he finds one, he hooks up with her and dumps MaineGirl. If not, then he stays with her. So far so bad, right? Well it gets better. Around January, Acquaintance gets some shitflipped nervous breakdown and breaks up with her abruptly after convincing himself she was cheating on him. Shes hurt, but obviously deals with it. Of course, then hes checking her online journal, myspace, and facebook every 10 minutes to see if she ever feels bad. 3 weeks ago, she finds a local guy. Thats when he goes through the roof. This fucker acts like someone assassinated his fiance at his wedding rehersal. Its bad enough that this kids ego is bigger than Texas and he YouTube's Martial Arts / CQC videos and thinks hes the man, this guy is constantly fuming, waving his damn knife around in his arrogant anger fits, trying to act Chistopher Walken crazy to...i dont know what the fuck, to convince us that he really is insane and we should be worried (did I mention this guy is obsessed with films and makes amateur films? Another reason his ego is so inflated, and also so easy to pick up on the hundreds of movie cliche things he does), forcing himself to stay at friends places because "He cant be alone" or he'll go do something like murder. God, shut up and put the fucking knife down. You're not scaring anyone. Well unfortunately, he is. He/we have some doormat friends of his who are giving him the exact attention that he wants, and now he thinks hes a ticking timebomb killing machine and I'm ready to knock some sense into this kid.
Anyways.
He finds a fuckbuddy girl about a week ago(shes cool, but one of those I-think-I'm-really-clever-and-witty-but-I'm-not types and those really grate against my nerves) and motherfucker is still emo. The moment he tried the sobstory, I shut him up real quick, but he still insists that "Its not as good as [I] think it is" Yeah shut the hell up. Christ.
Two nights ago my friend drank with her, along with other friends. Acquaintance once again, flipped a shit at friend and accused him of, yes I'm completely serious, "trying to steal [his] girlfriend without even [my friend] knowing it." I laughed.
Then I got really fucking pissed that this assclown can find a girl/fuckfriend and I cant, and in a month no less.
I took all those major tests we have around now in all my classes. My programming one was a no-brainer. I thought I really screwed up a part, but turns out I did it all right...for..the wrong reasons. It's weird to explain. But I finished all my labs way ahead of time though, and perfect credit for those. Calculus was a little messy. I thought I knew how to find derivatives until I had to find derivatives. Turns out I didnt. 74%. A progress report shows that I have essentially an 80% in the class, and I could still get an A if I get 92% consistently across the board. I'm worried I'm not gonna get that A. Chemistry is another story. We just finished our first exam, the one thats supposed to rip out our spine, suck on it for a little while to see if we're worth keeping around, and then re-seat it back in through our asses kind of hard test. Well I got the high grade of 103% on it. Class median was like 77%. Yeah I'm awesome.
You didnt hear the first half of this post last week because my schoolwork has been catching up on me. It's getting to the point where I'll have to do my homework at home. Yeah, laugh it up or roll your eyes or whatever, but the thing about me is that when I'm home, and theres computers and TVs and games and consoles, the last thing on my mind is homework. So I keep myself at the college to do homework. But now the time I allocate for it doesnt seem to be enough, but I cant stay longer because I'm already burned out by then. Looks like this is finally going to catch up to me.
The cycle repeats and I'm back in the dip of the roller coaster. Why is it the better I do in school, the more I hate my situation?
Last Thursday I met the fraternity. They were..as you would mostly expect a fraternity. But...friendlier and more diverse (No, 90% of the frat was not guys in pink button-up shirts, chinos, and spiked up short blonde hair and blue eyes). They're good people, just...different from me. After the icebreaker rush thing, they/we all went to a party. I ended up, of my own decision, driving Chuck (the guy who introduced me) over to the party, as well as a couple other girls. The party was, again, how you would expect. Beer, kegs, beer games, keg games, and girls. Again, I'm totally black sheep here at this party, the only guy I know is Chuck, and I feel bad for always tailing him as he tries to go do other stuff. So I go and meet some of the frat guys. They're actually all really cool. They were open and forward to talk with me, at least enough to make acquaintance, but all their stories were the same. How they fucked a girl and then got out before she could reach him again. How they had a wild trip on ______ drug. How they barely got away from cops as they did something stupid. How they beat up some lesser-jock. Halo 3. And a couple played One-up-sies with each other, waving their dicks around as they compared their harsh life growing up in gang schools. I wouldve been even LESS impressed but they showed a little credibility with their knowledge. Oh, and no, I couldnt relate to them on Halo 3, because i dont play nor enjoy the online multiplayer. I also found out I am good at beer games, despite how awful beer tastes. I met up with a guy, Chris, who seemed similarly black sheep'd, without lacking social competence. We rocked the beer pong. Also met two girls, Lauren and Melissa. I'm pretty sure they're also sorority girls, but at least they werent bitches about it. I'm also not too bad at...Flip Cup? I dont drink it too fast, but hell ill get it in 1-3 tries. Afterwards, I ended up taking two others home to their apartment. One of Chuck's friends had a bit too much, and passed him the keys. So he was gonna drive the others home. The couple I drove home were cool. You'd think when you hear about someone driving a drunk couple home, they're loud, obnoxious, and skeeting on your backseat, but they were cool. It was just a matter of "Hey we drank too much, can you help us out?" and it was nice talking with them.
The interview the next day was...shakey. I wasn't nervous (Why would I be) or worried or anything like the other guys. But I remembered that i DIDNT remember how to tie a tie that day, that was embarassing. All the other 8 guys had ties, so I wandered into a bathroom to try and relearn how to tie it. After a half hour, I gave up and just sat down. Turns out, none of them knew how to tie a tie either, except for one. Actually, he tied everyones ties for them, so he did mine, which was cool of him. Gang Wars guy was in there too, and he loves to hear himself talk. I endured that for about 30 minutes while we waited for interviews.
I think mine went bad because:
(Prelim - Interview consists of being blindly led to the middle of the room with a light shined in eyes to preserve anonymity, then rapid fire 'interrogation' questions from all around the room, it was a lecture hall)
a.) One of the questions was "Would you ever hit a girl?" Those of you who dont know me very well, I answered "Yes, if I was very angry" after thinking for a moment
b.) When I thought the interview was over (It wasnt), i moved out of the light, then got yelled at to go back in. Whoops
c.) To enter and leave the room "blindly", you keep your eyes closed as youre lead through a dark room. You're led by keeping your hand on the guides shoulder. Well as I'm leaving the interview, consider how I'm holding his left shoulder with my right hand. I'm a little to his side, right? Well he goes through the door and I slam my face, and the rest of me, into the wall. I just stood there for a moment, then I sighed and dropped my shoulders. I heard snickering behind me as I moved out, to which I burst out laughing (C'mon, it was funny.)
Well, turns out it did go bad, I didn't get in. Lost to a 4v5 vote, because of how I answered the question. Turns out I way overthought it, they meant more like...I dont know. Moving out of the light didnt really upset them, a couple other guys did it, and it was more they were yelling for the sake of emphasis and...promptness. Slamming into the wall actually helped my case because they thought I was...mature(?) enough to laugh off an embarassing moment.
Oh well. Maybe next semester. Who knows, maybe something will happens where I wont even have the desire to hit a girl for any reason at all.
If I didnt mention it earlier, Girl#6 invited me to a church youth group. I...think we were friends. We would work on Chemistry homework together after class. Shes a really good girl, and has a bit of a sex appeal on her too, quite nice. But it was so impossible to try and hang out with her after class, except during these study buddy sessions. Anyways, I jumped on the opportunity to be promoted above "friend i dont talk to outside of class." I already informed her before hand that I wasnt big on the Religion scene, but I would go to spend time with her and to meet new people. She was cool with that.
It was one of those groups where like, everything was unorthodox, and it was mostly singing, and shouting praises, and like, everyone would thrust their hands into the air as they sang, or started crying, or something. And I mean thats great and all, more power to them. I'm glad they arent bound by embarassment or anything, but it wasnt for me. At most, I tapped my foot during the catchy songs.
80% of the lectures basically told/reminded us that lust was a sin. I sunk pretty low in my chair during all those.
Concluding this story quickly, it basically came down to, I had a movie moment with Girl#6, and pretty much botched it. We were supposed to go around and ask each other "Are you ready" [to love like Jesus did]. Keep in mind, the lecture we just had more or less said that sociery has confused how Jesus loves. He wasnt nice, he was a total hardass, and we need to jump on people like Jesus did, as a hardass. So of course, the singing is going on, and everyone is cheering and happy and music is playing, and Girl#6 bounces over to me and excitedly asks me "Are you ready!"
To which I replied "Not really."
I could tell that hit her pretty hard. I apologized for upsetting her afterwards, and just explained that I wasnt feeling it, but still enjoyed coming out to meet people and feel the energy (and I meant all of it too). She said she understood. Afterwards, we went to Coldstone and got icecream. Or rather, I followed her and her friend to Coldstone to get icecream after they invited me. Not a date.
I felt really bad that all the people there were so pumped about Jesus and I wouldnt get into it with them. I decided to stop going. Girl#6 was again, subtly upset, but said she understood. It was fun and all but I've really seen things regress between me and her since. We, again, dont talk before or after class, and our study sessions together have devolved to "lets compare answers real quick to see what we got different." Which is...a little upsetting. Genuinely just a little. See, I dont know if I had a crush on Girl#6 or not. As I said, she was charming and had her sex appeal, but at that point I couldnt tell if I did like her, or was just happy that a woman was paying attention to me. So, we have a 'maybe' for I like her, and a 'definitely' for I'd have sex with her. But seeing as she goes to these youth groups, and shes big on religion....I dont think it would've worked out. And this isnt a pitying "It wouldnt work out because I suck" conclusion...it just wouldnt of I'm pretty sure. And because of that...I'm okay with not dating Girl#6. I think I respect her enough to not sleep with her without caring about her.
I've been without my jacket these past 10 days. I left it at the party last Thursday accidentally. And you know what? It's pretty fucking cold and windy outside lately. Chuck said he went and picked up in his friends car, but now the problem is that Chuck's friend has it, and she doesnt regularly come to class, or...has a different schedule than me or something, but I didnt want to keep bugging him about it because hes been hella sick since Monday.
An unnamed Salisbury acquaintance of mine has been pretty much emo over women as I have been, but I find his reasons to be, well, shit. You see, Acquaintance had a long distance relationship with a girl in Maine for maybe a year. They hooked up on the tubeowebs. Meanwhile while this is going on, when its just me and him, he usually complains to me that hes frustrated over the fact that even though he has a girlfriend, he cant get any action. That I can at least understand. I would be more upset if I had a girlfriend and couldnt touch her. Here's when it gets fuzzy though. He says he plans on "scouting around" for any other willing women on campus. If he finds one, he hooks up with her and dumps MaineGirl. If not, then he stays with her. So far so bad, right? Well it gets better. Around January, Acquaintance gets some shitflipped nervous breakdown and breaks up with her abruptly after convincing himself she was cheating on him. Shes hurt, but obviously deals with it. Of course, then hes checking her online journal, myspace, and facebook every 10 minutes to see if she ever feels bad. 3 weeks ago, she finds a local guy. Thats when he goes through the roof. This fucker acts like someone assassinated his fiance at his wedding rehersal. Its bad enough that this kids ego is bigger than Texas and he YouTube's Martial Arts / CQC videos and thinks hes the man, this guy is constantly fuming, waving his damn knife around in his arrogant anger fits, trying to act Chistopher Walken crazy to...i dont know what the fuck, to convince us that he really is insane and we should be worried (did I mention this guy is obsessed with films and makes amateur films? Another reason his ego is so inflated, and also so easy to pick up on the hundreds of movie cliche things he does), forcing himself to stay at friends places because "He cant be alone" or he'll go do something like murder. God, shut up and put the fucking knife down. You're not scaring anyone. Well unfortunately, he is. He/we have some doormat friends of his who are giving him the exact attention that he wants, and now he thinks hes a ticking timebomb killing machine and I'm ready to knock some sense into this kid.
Anyways.
He finds a fuckbuddy girl about a week ago(shes cool, but one of those I-think-I'm-really-clever-and-witty-but-I'm-not types and those really grate against my nerves) and motherfucker is still emo. The moment he tried the sobstory, I shut him up real quick, but he still insists that "Its not as good as [I] think it is" Yeah shut the hell up. Christ.
Two nights ago my friend drank with her, along with other friends. Acquaintance once again, flipped a shit at friend and accused him of, yes I'm completely serious, "trying to steal [his] girlfriend without even [my friend] knowing it." I laughed.
Then I got really fucking pissed that this assclown can find a girl/fuckfriend and I cant, and in a month no less.
I took all those major tests we have around now in all my classes. My programming one was a no-brainer. I thought I really screwed up a part, but turns out I did it all right...for..the wrong reasons. It's weird to explain. But I finished all my labs way ahead of time though, and perfect credit for those. Calculus was a little messy. I thought I knew how to find derivatives until I had to find derivatives. Turns out I didnt. 74%. A progress report shows that I have essentially an 80% in the class, and I could still get an A if I get 92% consistently across the board. I'm worried I'm not gonna get that A. Chemistry is another story. We just finished our first exam, the one thats supposed to rip out our spine, suck on it for a little while to see if we're worth keeping around, and then re-seat it back in through our asses kind of hard test. Well I got the high grade of 103% on it. Class median was like 77%. Yeah I'm awesome.
You didnt hear the first half of this post last week because my schoolwork has been catching up on me. It's getting to the point where I'll have to do my homework at home. Yeah, laugh it up or roll your eyes or whatever, but the thing about me is that when I'm home, and theres computers and TVs and games and consoles, the last thing on my mind is homework. So I keep myself at the college to do homework. But now the time I allocate for it doesnt seem to be enough, but I cant stay longer because I'm already burned out by then. Looks like this is finally going to catch up to me.
The cycle repeats and I'm back in the dip of the roller coaster. Why is it the better I do in school, the more I hate my situation?